Losing feelings for a good guy
So I'm losing feelings for my bf. Like bad. I don't want to hang out with him, I'm not attracted to him as much, and I just generally think I'm happier when he's not around. But like, I don't know if this is real or if my brains just doing its thing where it distances because I get bored or if I'm scared because of the commitment. And breaking up with him would be so hard bc I know it would break his heart and all my friends and family adore him so they'd all be super upset if we broke up and everything would be awkward and I don't want that. But at the same time, we're gonna break up when he goes to college next year. I don't think he wants to, but if I don't break up with him before that I def will then. So ig I'm just wondering if I should just wait until summer to break up with him.
Hi, Johnny..Galt- and welcome!
Apologies for the delay in response, however, please be aware that you're 100% welcome, as with any forum, to help yourself in chatting to other Original Posters (OPs/thread-owners) on their threads - or, better yet, giving your opinion whereever you can relate to their own problem (or even imagine being in their boat).
Meanwhile, I'm duplicating this message to all whom likewise are still waiting, that they are perfectly free to do so on yours.
FYI, I'll be posting late tonight and most of tomorrow. Please can you give me a little reply so I know you haven't 'abandoned queue'?
It's getting late. I'll answer anyway...
"So I'm losing feelings for my bf."
I presume by your alias that you're his boyfriend too?
"Like bad. I don't want to hang out with him, I'm not attracted to him as much, and I just generally think I'm happier when he's not around."
Well, THAT'S not normal, is it!
(Sorry if that's premature to say - I'm not reading ahead.)
"But like, I don't know if this is real or if my brains just doing its thing where it distances because I get bored or if I'm scared because of the commitment."
WOAH! Chuck at it me all-at-once, why doncha! LOL
"The" commitment. Noted. (No, you can't, not yet - sorry.)
Why WOULDN'T anyone be scared of committing to someone who bored them stiff (...or, NOT stiff........falls-off-chair-at-own-joke!)
But seriously - who wants to commit to someone whom to them is boring? If he were right for you, you WOULDN'T/COULDN'T find him boring. Didn't you know that?
Why are you beating yourself up for just having come to the end of the road - THE road - over which Conscious You has no control (because this is still a Naked Ape domain using primitive ape wiring, despite our attempts to take Conscious credit in order to INTERFERE...but don't get me started on MacRelationship attitudes these days...)
"And breaking up with him would be so hard bc I know it would break his heart "
"and all my friends and family adore him so they'd all be super upset if we broke up"
Well, that's just life for ya/them. Don't they know that? It's FULL of disappointments of things not working out as wanted/expected. "Grow up and get real, you lot?"
Tell them they're very welcome to date him next, any of them...But, unfortunately, he's turned out, after a decent test-run, not to be your cup-of-tea after all, let alone, enough to last a lifetime, so it's Grieve and, "Neeext". (I take it they watch telly so will know how dating goes?) (Scuse sarcasm, not). HOW OLD are they! Are they Wombles? Mermaids? Or just so used to you bending-over-backward to please-them-please-them-please-them, harder-harder-higher-stakes... and their wickle bunny-rabbit-ed bibs? Because if not, they stop being nice and fair to you?
He's not your mother-ship, is he.
Will he, by any chance, be the first person that YOU have 'dumped'?
Well, anyway (for now)...
"and everything would be awkward and I don't want that."
Then don't let it. Wanna know how?
Furthermore - IT BLOODY WELL SHOULDN'T BE, THAT'S NOT NORMAL OR NATURAL, LET ALONE A HEALTHY WAY FOR A FAMILY TO MAKE YOU FEEL. FOR STARTERS, IT'S YOUR RELATIONSHIP, NOT THEIRS, AND LITERALLY NONE OF THEIR RUDDY BUSINESS.
(That told THEM!....*dusts hands**)
"But at the same time, we're gonna break up when he goes to college next year."
Oh, WELL, then.
Wait a min tho. I thought you were older than college age. So this makes a difference: Do you know for a fact, because, say you have prior occasions where they've kind of sent you to coventry if you've disappointed them by not giving up everything to be their less then everything or, worse, nothing? OR...is this just your own fear and tool to procrastinate over doing the hard thing of learning to dump?
"I don't think he wants to,"
Sad, but, tough. He's still young. He's got LOADS of dating to come yet. Why would he want to be tied down at such an early age, anyway? Wouldn't work anyway - neither of you have had the extra years to GROW the ability to go steady for longer than, say, 2 years. You can't act according to wiring that hasn't even formed yet. So I'm not SURPRISED you're "bored". That's simply BECAUSE your train has come into the terminus and yet you're just sat there instead of disembarking, the pair of you.
What does surprise me, though, is that you and he weren't in-step, side-by-side and therefore BOTH bored, considering bonding as a couple happens like a psychological three-legged-race?
"but if I don't break up with him before that I def will then. So ig I'm just wondering if I should just wait until summer to break up with him."
Why lead him on, further than you need to, when that's going to deepen his pain too?
Do you just need someone to effectively hold your hand as you gear up and then do it?
PS: Would you want to stay friends with him - or is he too boring for you, even to consider it?