Dont know what to do about falling in love with my boss
So about a year ago i started working at this new job where i have fallen head over heels for my boss. I've had many crushes in the past and they were all on girls though i always knew i was bi and the feelings i developed for this man make all my previous crushes seem like childish affections. Our friendship/work relationship started off great; he would randomly call me drunk late at night on work days and we'd talk for hours about work and other random stuff in our lives. There were times i thought he was hitting on me or letting me know he has feelings by saying things like "we have so much in common its crazy", or "i see you as a my pseudo-son", or "we are kindred spirits". Unfortunately on multiple occasions he said he's not gay which is where my problem starts...
My life is just better being around this person and my day lightens up when i see him. I genuinely lack the words to explain how much love i have for him other than maybe us being twin flames. This crazy love i have for my boss is starting to affect my mental health and daily routine because i cant seem to stop myself from thinking about him though im pretty sure that he doesn't actually feel the same. Im too much of a coward to ask or let him know how i feel because i grew up in a fanatically religious house which belittled homosexuality which is always stuck in the back of my head though i disagree with it strongly because i believe that love is love. The boss gives off a little gay flare every once in a while which makes me doubt that hes fully straight. I enjoy this job quite a lot but seeing him everyday knowing that itll probably never go anywhere is starting to hurt rather than fuel me.
I Would settle for being just friends but im afraid the feelings will get in the way eventually, so i find myself wondering what my options are? A) I quit and i let him know the entire truth and just move on or hope for the best? B) i stay quiet and keep working? C) I quit and say nothing to save face? I cant seem to be able to decide what my plan is. Im looking for advice from anybody on how they would handle such a situation? ANY INFO HELPS!
Hi, NeedHelpI'mInLove - and welcome!
Apologies for the delay in response, however, please be aware that you're 100% welcome, as with any forum, to help yourself in chatting to other Original Posters (OPs/thread-owners) on their threads - or, better yet, giving your opinion whereever you can relate to their own problem (or even imagine being in their boat).
Meanwhile, I'm duplicating this message to all whom likewise are still waiting, that they are perfectly free to do so on yours.
FYI, I'll be posting late tonight and most of tomorrow. Please can you give me a little reply so I know you haven't 'abandoned queue'?
What would you be quitting? Is this a career job?
"There were times i thought he was hitting on me"
I've had people I knew or even just sensed fancy me. In response I've always taken care NOT to say anything that they could mistakenly or deliberately misconstrued. No matter how much they badly wanted me, I never gave them a single ATOM of a molehill to make a mountain out of. So I wonder why a supposedly responsible adult male (company owner or just boss?) would even go as incredibly far as to use the other word for Romantic Soulmate - Kindred Spirits. And, what with all the OTHER 'carelessly' passionate, over-enthusiastic comments....
For starters, a professional boss knows this: It's a place of WORK, not a sodding Best Friends club! (How old is he?) What do you think his company superiors would say if they had witnessed all of this from him to you?
It's not you. These are mixed signals. For some reason he's leading you on...then not...then again....
You sure he's not just playing with you because his ego gets off on having an adoring fan?
.....Son...Lover...Son...Lover... EQUALS...Come here - go away - come here - go away - AS WELL AS, Go Left, no, Go Right, no, Left....
Result: you in two minds, which is the dreaded, highly emotionally into mentally damaging, Cognitive Dissonance.
You have it worse, thanks to this inconsiderate pr**k. Because (think about it) each hemisphere of your split mind is itself split. Your mind is in Quarters!
Really... Damaging you.... You don't say.
I doubt it undetectable or even invisible by now. You must look like Eyeore's cousin. Must have lost weight as well.
Whom that liked you would BE that careless or cavalierly self-indulgent when knowing where THEY stand with YOU?
You not only don't know where you stand, you don't know which way to face upon each of the two places.
Bosses know they're not supposed to cross this line with staff, to start with.
And genuinely grown men know not to pick so far beneath - actually, don't feel a NEED to in the first place! - themselves in age and rank.
So turn it round: what's wrong with him that he can show such gross disrespect for what nowadays is a univerally-accepted taboo, as well as to his own business or that of his employers? What's so wrong with him that he isn't doing his damnedest NOT to keep emotionally pr*ck-teasing you? What's so wrong with him that he can't notice you're not looking so good, compared to when you first joined? Or that he would at his (supposed) age/stage be drunking-dialling ANYONE, let ALONE his own employee, let ALONE so much younger than him? What's wr- on, that'll do.
A relationship is mutual and reciprocal. Not - they get to feel safe with you while you have WORSE than zero sense of safety. AND he's your boss. So you're NEVER going to get that mutually equal, healthy, happy-making partnership 'ideal', anyway. Why would you....Ah.
Your dad was sh*te.
This bloke is pushing your buttons in a very characteristic-to-me way. He is ARTIFICIALLY getting you hooked to him to the same depth as if you were being fed Heroin underneath your own awareness. He doesn't brighten up your day. The HIT he's making your brain self-manufacture is brightening your day. And in danger of ruining the rest of your life.
Or does he, without your realising, REMIND you of your dad, and you wish to take your dad on again (to KNOW it wasn't you), just in another body (which you can do with Narcs, so rigid and 'carbon-copy' are they in how they're malprogrammed to misbehave and destroy, rather than cooperate and build). But where you believe, this time, because this one seems NOT to be anti-gay and, even better, might let you get to combine dad and lover in-one (i.e. less work for one who's already been knackered-and-back)?
Give me more info, including to my Qs, and I'll be able to formulate some boxing-clever options for you. (You gotta box-clever with Narcs or even just highly narcissistic normal-ishes in position of power. And YOU need extra protecting and self-protecting than your average bod. In which case, you'll be pleased to know that you'll be able to use this anti-narc tactics for the rest of your life, too. Trust me - Narcs love Bis. Particularly tasty num-nums to chew and spit out, you are.
(Not on my watch.)