Dealing with an addict sibling
Context: I live abroad, across the ocean, I have always helped my family financially, I've taken care of both my mom and my brother, paid holidays and send money for daily things. So I'm far away and the only thing I can control is how much money I send.
The problem: My brother had been a recovering alcoholic for some years, he was doing well, until a few days ago when he was intoxicated and missing for a day or two. I'm not sure if he used drugs before the last incident but many things surfaced: the drugs, he might be even selling drugs to make extra money, he paid for pornography (even he has or had a girlfriend). During the time he was missing, he had a car accident, he's fine but his car is broken, he is a driver, so it's also his "income" source. Despite having a car, he always complains about money, and all his bills, so I've always been there for him...even at my own cost. But these days I'm extremely disappointed,angry, hurting,..and I've been refusing to help him financially.
My question. Is it really bad to cut him off? Clearly helping him so much in the past didn't help. Shall I just turn my back to him? I feel terrible but I want also to live my own life without worrying and to enjoy my hard-earned income. Am I bad person if I cut him? :(
Bad person? nah, you'll be a sensible person if you cut him off. You can send me him all the cash in the world but HE is responsible for HIS own actions & while you hold his hand, he'll never do it on his own. Addicts walk a hard, narrow road trying to recover to be sober & useful to themselves & yeah, they fall off the wagon now & then, but they have to get themselves back on the recovery road & even professional counsellors lined up one after the other, can't help them if they don't have the need or the iron will to do it themselves in the first place...& so the likes of you, being a caring but far away sibling doesn't have a hope in hell of really 'helping' your alcoholic bro if he's taken a tumble.
It's not about you controlling the cash you send & worrying about if you're gonna be branded a bastard etc, rather it's about you getting on with your own life & leaving your brother to sort his. You don't have to turn your back on him completely, but if his lifestyle starts to drag you down to his level, then you have to do what's best for you.