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Jealous of best friend

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Ok so im 18 years old and recently my best friend- or my only friend moved away. I stayed at our hometown with my parents even though i wanted to leave but we couldn't afford that. I was initially jealous because of that but i got over it quickly. Anyways, my main concern right now is that i feel like i am missing out on life. I go to uni but i havent really met anyone i like. I have people to talk to there most of the time but no friends. On the other hand, my friend is friends with half her uni and living her best life while i am doing nothing. Im just afraid because she is moving on with her life and im stuck in the same place. Plus all the people i talked to in high school suddenly forgot i exist so i have literally noone to go out with. I am very happy that my friend is living the life she wanted but it still hurts to know that i probably never will. I guess iam not really jealous but just sad. An other thing that i am really concerned about is that i have never experienced anything romantic- nothing at all noone has ever liked me or anything. I havent even had my first kiss yet(which is something iam very insecure about).On the other hand, my friend has always been an absolute magnet for guys- everywhere she goes she gets hit on. Now that she moved she met this guy and she was talking about all the things he says to her. I couldn't even be happy for her because all i was thinking about is that i will never experience something like that. I know that i sound like a shit person right now but its not like i will ever try to bring her down- i absolutely love her. It just feel like iam drowning in my own misery too much to be happy for someone else. So a question ( preferably for older girls) do you think that there is a fixed- normal age for you to experience things like your first kiss? Also do you think that there is something wrong with me? Because i have received zero romantic attention I am very shy but super approachable also iam good looking(or at least people say so) so why the fuck is this happening to me Thanks for reading if you reached here lol

Jealous of best friend

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Message to you and all other Original Posters waiting as if in a 'queue': Hi and welcome! Sorry for the delay from any regular respondents, but as you can tell, we're very thin on the ground/swamped in RL, at the mo. I personally can be with you tomorrow evening or Sunday (day off). Notwithstanding - meanwhile, feel free to respond to the other posters waiting alongside you, and at the same time, to ask them if they could give their opinion or feedback on yours. This, in actual fact, is how this 'old-fashioned' forum is supposed to work. It's that, or, if you can, to have to keep waiting a bit longer for myself or any other regulars to have a respectfully-decent window for you? ORRRR....how's about - get BOTH! :)

Jealous of best friend

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I'm 21 a female and experienced that same FOMO. Even worse cuz we were in the scamdemic when I graduated high school and everything was closed. Most kids my age were just stuck at home, shitposting online and going insane from boredom. I assume the same happened to you during that time. The only people that seemed like they did have a life were the peers that went off to university. They got to move out and live among peers their age, throw parties despite covid. Meanwhile kids like me just worked at a shit job and/or stayed at home and.. rotted. So, you're correct. You are missing out. Your college friends are having a great time while you're rotting at home. Welcome to the real world, it's about to be a shit show.

Jealous of best friend

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But if it makes you feel any better.. in 3-4 years, that "great time" your college friends are having will come to an end and a lot of them will be in the same position as you. Living with their parents and working a shit job. I had a friend that shamed me for not taking school serious, he went to a university in California. He came back to live with his parents this year because his anxiety was too bad, now he's working as a delivery driver for Amazon. Sooo.. yeah. A lot of your peers are going to school just to be in the same position as you, but with massive debt on their head. Woohoo! That being said, you're only 18. You should consider going to college or get some type of higher education just so you can learn/grow as a person, be around peers your age. Find a college that isn't going to financially wreck you. Yeah college isn't necessary, but degrees will give you a better chance with job security. And going straight into the real world isn't a walk in the park. It actually fucking sucks. There's ways to make big money like real estate, sales, business n whatnot but all of these things come with a catch. It's not a walk in the park and definitely not stable for most people.

Jealous of best friend

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I'm tryna help you, I don't want you to be in the same position as me right now. Gain your independence right now. Get your drivers license, a car, a job, go to school, build a tight knit community of reliable friends. Try to form real, genuine relationships. Those friends you had in high school.. hate to break it to you, but a lot of them aren't really your friends anymore. Give them the benefit of the doubt though. They might be busy. Try to reconnect with them, but if they aren't interested you just have to let it go.

Jealous of best friend

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Oh I misread that you do go to university.. Well just join clubs and talk to people then. A lot of your peers are there for the same reason, to make new friends. As for the first kiss thing.. normally kids get that from 12-15 but honestly it doesn't matter. If you're attractive then you probably do have guys asking you out, you just don't want them or you're too shy to talk to guys you actually want. Shyness, I can't really help with. I got the same issue. The only "cure" for shyness is taking yourself out of your comfort zone n starting convos with people. You could try embarrassing yourself in public. Like bark in the streets or say weird things to strangers. It'll get you weird looks, but then you'll see how most people forget about it and move on immediately. Then you subconsciously realize that things aren't that serious n you will become less shy overtime. Relationships are complicated tho. I'm still figuring it out. But if you're trying to get is a first kiss, I mean.. you're at a university. Go to a party, dress really nice and talk to a cute guy lol

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Dude I'm telling you right now, in terms of dating you got it EASY. High school and university are these nice little social oasis's for young people. PERFECT for finding a boyfriend/girlfriend. I know it's easier said than done but just approach a guy if you really need to. A simple "Hi, how are you?" "I like your shoes" "What's your major?" will do the trick. The worst they can do is reject/ignore you, but they probably won't.

Jealous of best friend

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Thanks for responding amd being so real with me lol. In terms of the dating thing, i dont even want to date anyone, i guess i just want validation from someone because i am so behind in this field. I have asked people about this before-like why am i not getting any action and they said its because I never make the first move. So i was like ok, next time i like someone im just gonna do it. So last year, there was this girl from school that I liked(im bi) and i knew she liked girls. During a schooltrip we came kinda close and she asked me if i was gay, so my idiot self though she was interested. Right after the school trip i straight up confessed to her, only to be brutally ghosted. The worst part is that i saw her every day at school and the embarrassment i experienced was next level. Like, she completely stopped talking to me and turned her head around every time i looked at her. Im pretty sure she told all her friends too, because they started asking me some weird ass questions. So i had to live out the rest of the school year in complete shame. Because of that, i was like- im never experiencing this kind of embarrassment again. If anyone wants to get with me, they just have to say something first. Well, a year later and that just hasn't happened yet. This got me wondering if there is something seriously wrong with me. As i mentioned, my best friend has always been a magnet for guys-and she never even tries. So i was like- what does she have that I don't (she's not much prettier than me). This kind of started making me jealous but not in a bad way where i would try to bring her down. Im always supporting but i feel so bitter every time she talks about all the guys that hit on her. Last night she was talking about this guy and the amazing romance that they have and i was like- how the fuck does this actually happen to people?

Jealous of best friend

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"Well just join clubs and talk to people then. A lot of your peers are there for the same reason, to make new friends." The only clubs we have are theatre and dance and im shit at both these things. I havent "clicked" with anyone from uni yet, at first i was alright with that, but it's been six months now and im starting to get worried. I have talked to people but i have this kind of sarcastic and ironic sense of humor and they just...dont get it. I also curse a lot and someone told me- i dont like it when people talk like that... I was extremely surprised, like am not going to change the way i talk for you. Im just afraid to be myself in case i come out as strange and im not having a good time when im not being myself.

Jealous of best friend

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It's time to stop the self comparison then. Does your "friend" ever make snarky/passive aggressive comments about you? Why do you feel this way? You don't really know what goes on behind closed doors for her. You don't know why she gets all these guys or crazy love stories. She could be desperate or exaggerating, you wouldn't know. Or maybe her life really is that crazy. Maybe she is the ultimate man magnet. But who cares? That has nothing to do with you. If you are seeking a girlfriend, honestly that will naturally be harder than finding a boyfriend. Simply on the fact that women have more standards... But also, finding a girl that isn't wishy washy might be a challenge. Like the girl you were talking to in the past who just ghosted you for no reason. There's sooo many stories like that especially with "bisexual" girls. Not invaliding or stereotyping, but you will probably come across that situation a lot esp if it's somebody that just found out they're gay or didn't come out yet Don't let THAT one rejection stop you from finding somebody else. You're going to get rejected n embarrassed in life btw, that's just how it goes. Try to build a thicker skin on that typa thing (that's why I suggested saying weird things to strangers, like how people do in YouTube pranks/social experiments)

Jealous of best friend

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What kind of university do you go to? Is it like a theater/arts type of school? Maybe get into sports? Tennis?

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You are soo right about the comparison thing. I know that its super wrong but i honestly can't help it sometimes. She also has admitted to "exaggerating" stuff and and she used to lie about things that never happened in the past, but i think that we got over that. Honestly, i always thought that getting a girl would be easier only because my country is conservative and there aren't that many people out, meaning they dont have many options. But i guess my experience with that girl grounded me lol. Its a lot harder than i thought. We don't have specific kinds of universities in my country, its like one for everything.

Jealous of best friend

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Well, of COURSE you haven't clicked with anyone yet - you're GRIEVING - for your friendship! But- on GOOD days - what about the people who already talk with you? Couldn't you make something out of it, like say how interesting to talk to you find them, do they fancy meeting for a drink some time soon and continuing the conversation? OR get onto the topic of books you both enjoy...recommend one - one you've already got - and lend it to them. But for now, you're grieving. Nav knows what that's like so - keep chatting, that'll fill a lot of the loneliness gap and improve your mood whereby maybe it'll help put a little 'smile on your face' (because I bet you're not smiling at people, lately, or holding your head high - if shyly). ALSO...you don't know that Fate doesn't want it this way. Maybe you're unwittingly headed for a stroke of luck because you're meant to get your career established BEFORE you use precious time dating and thinking about someone? There's no 'normally' these days. But a good life tenet is this: Work First, THEN Play. Carry on you two. :) Oh, and WT51, DO check out Nav's story on her thread. If you can imagine being in her place, it's pretty Wowzers.

Jealous of best friend

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Also check out Jae and post a comment if you like? :) If you're going to stick around, you may as well say Howdy to the other regulars.

Jealous of best friend

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PS: Tsk! Stop being so melodramatic, the pair of you, jeez, LOL... Life doesn't suck, full-stop. It's a rollercoaster. So it sucks....then it's brill....then it sucks again....brill....sucks.... and sometimes you can get brill and sucks simultaneously (I guess that would be the Loop-The-Loop bit?)....and at least once, there might be a tunnel...but then when you come out of it - an amazing, panoramic birds-eye view....and back to sucks/brill/sucks/brill.... (Whether it happens at large intervals or more like in rapid succession depends entirely on how fast you move and how wide an area you cover.) It's least Life is not boring. Trust me.....I've done boring. And it was boring. (Laughs at own joke)

Jealous of best friend

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Thank you so much for responding! Im gonna try to be more optimistic, sure. Im only eighteen after all (The people who keep saying that these are the best years of my life arent helping though😅) Also, how do i check someone's thread? I have no idea how this works.

Jealous of best friend

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They're the most FERTILE years for planting stuff. Usually. But, as I say, usual and stage-related progress don't apply since Brexit then Covid. And since 49 became the new 30, and so on, you've got time to be late blossomers, your Genzeration (see what I did there? :D) No hurry. Just go with your own flow. It was the Tortoise that won, anyway, not the Hare. :) You're still preparing, limbering-up and revving up. You'll undoubtedly overtake your ex-friend. Hence the above parable exists and has survived so many eons! You'll certainly be more emotionally mature (the two things are linked, anyway). There's no Lose here. Just time to get to know yourself better, enjoy being in your own company, reading books, studying (with no distractions), amusing yourself, becoming your own bestie. It's when we're fascinated or having fun that we strike as optimally attractive to people. Then they're drawn to us because we look happy to with ourself, in our own skin (so we must be rather lovely). Reading hysterical comedy books is a good one...you'd be sat there in the common room, intermittently giggling; that always does it ("What you reading, what's so funny?"). But by all means be miz for a few more weeks, get it out of your system. How you visit other threads is by scrolling to the Green banner at the top of this page and clicking the drop-down menu labelled Forum, and sliding your cursor to Forum Index and clicking on it, and it'll take you to where you'll see every visitor and resident's recent Threads. It also features a way to search by Alias (you'd type NAV in capitals plus Enter/Carriage Return). Hope that helps? Any more technical questions, you want Green banner again - Support - Technical Support. Adios for now. :)

Jealous of best friend

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PS: just in case you have a problem - here's the link to NAV's thread: https://www.peoplesproblems.org/showtopic/13501/Im-in-debt-and-too-sick-to-work-like-a-normal-person-what-do-i-do#jumptotop But do try the way I said, first, to get familiar with how it all works.

Jealous of best friend

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Thank you so much for being so supportive! Im a go with the flow type of person anyways, although the flow hasn't been taking me anywhere great recently lol Also, my friend isn't an ex one. We still text almost every day and we meet whenever she visits. I got the technical stuff figured out,thanks for helping.

Jealous of best friend

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Just bumping you up!

Jealous of best friend

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"(The people who keep saying that these are the best years of my life arent helping though😅) " They used to be. Now your whole generation are having to write songs about the heavy limitations that Brexit and Covid brought upon us all, but especially you guys. I expect you wouldn't perhaps appreciaate how you're all together in this, considering you've been without a close friendship, but - check this out to see it is absolutely, definitely not just you; you lot are not even a minority: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bEJN7opj-QE So if it's not your friend you're grieving, maybe it's this aftershock period, causing you to grieve over what would and should have been awaiting you, had it not been for this unexpected, giant, ongoing blockade?

Jealous of best friend

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Thanks for the song- its beautiful! I guess a lot more people that i thought are going through the same thing "So if it's not your friend you're grieving, maybe it's this aftershock period, causing you to grieve over what would and should have been awaiting you, had it not been for this unexpected, giant, ongoing blockade?" I think its exactly like that. I always told myself that even with my best friend away i would meet new, cool people and have new experiences but literally nothing happened and im very scared that it will stay like this. I even lost all the rest of the friends that i had because i guess that they moved on, met new people- or maybe we were never even friends and i was the only one who thought we were.

Jealous of best friend

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Isn't it. Says it all. You're not just 'not alone', though. You're the majority. (How she sings that without crying, I don't know!). Me, I feel terrible and really guilty on behalf of my whole generation. It's not you guys that are failing, it's we guys that failed you. Things should have been up-to-date functional BEFORE Brexit and Covid hit. Instead, all the procrastination and neglect got exposed. Everything's bloody crumbling. Not that it won't get rebuilt - this isn't the first economic crisis, by any means. In the 70s, the working week was shrunk to three days! Amd there were strikes galore. But in the meantime, it's you guys who are suffering most because you've got the most ambition and energy, ergo, the most frustration (it's directly proportionate). How are you at online/technology? Ever thought of starting up your own biz, now, ready for when you leave? Did you read Ingrid's post? She gave very good advice too: start sowing your post-grad seeds NOW. If this period is a giant Lemon, make Lemonade. Think of it like neing stuck in a lift and all you can do to amuse yourself and take your mind off things is to finally (FINALLY!) go through your photo album and start getting it in order, deleting and creating album files. Pessimists see danger in opportunity Optimists see opportunity in danger Realists are aware of both, know they haven't got time to fear either, so stop themseles thinking, make a quick calclation and just go for it (Nike!). One-Two-Three-JUMP! Feel the fear and do it anyway, it's known as. Once you've jumped, you kick yourself: what was I so scared about? It's like when you're in the mood for a really good party. It's usually pants. But the party you had to be dragged to, turned out to be a really good evening. (Remember your first jump off the local swimming-pool's highest diving-board? You did it and you were fine.) At your age, I used to practise striking up conversations with strangers on the train (particularly when it was stopped in a tunnel 'because of a leaf on the line' or whatnot) or at bus-stops...anywhere, really...like, going into pubs with a good book or newspaper (this was when I was new to Londond) Half the time - BECAUSE there was no pressure, it was just practise without worrying about the outcome - they'd surprise me by asking to swap numbers! And there you have it. Cease to care so you're relaxed and far less inhibited. And joining clubs may be a cliche, but that's because it works. Might take time to bond with your other clubmates, but - it'll happen. I don't think anyone feels Cool any more, to be honest. (And, yeah, I don't believe your friend, either.) Did you read Nav's thread yet?

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Do you want to talk about Little Miss Fibber? Methinks she - the type she is - could be part of your problem of why you're not radiating your usual level of attractiveness to people. (I mean, that was an impressive opening post for an 18-year-old.) Easily resolved if so, without needing to split or anything drastic. Want to spill? PS: 'Friends with half her Uni'. SMIRK. When does she find time to have a bath and wash her hair and clothes? Bit smelly, is she? What a crock. They're ACQUAINTANCES, people she can 'nod to'. And how ucking insensitive to crow at you when you're down. It's like you're starving and she's telling you she's surrounded by a banquet! I mean - WHAT? 'Friends'. Yeah, like Fakebook "friends". Take EVERYTHING she says, now, with a huge pinch of salt and if you want to 'cash in on it' by amusing yourself, go OTT with the congratulations - Ow, WOW, that's AMAZING, well done YOU (while in your head, you're thinking, you lying cow, how stupid are you to think I'm stupid!). Maybe more a competitor than a friend, huh. Still, it's flattering to know she's constantly comparing herself to you. ('Every cloud...')

Jealous of best friend

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Hello! Sorry for responding so late but i never got a notification. In the meantime,i have been trying to make the best of my situation by studying as much i could (since i have nothing else to do) and i actually passed all of my exams! ''Ever thought of starting up your own biz, now, ready for when you leave?'' Actually, me and my mom have been running a small business since last summer and its going good, so i do have something to keep me occupied. ''And how ucking insensitive to crow at you when you're down. It's like you're starving and she's telling you she's surrounded by a banquet! I mean - WHAT?'' Omg that is exactly what bothered me the most! Especially in the beginning, she would text me crying about how she doesn't like her new friends (she knew them for a week) and about how she would end up alone, when we both damn knew that would never happen, while being very aware of my situation. On the other hand, i have never whined to her about being literally alone, because i was always afraid i would be annoying. Unfortunately or not, she is absolutely telling the truth about most things. I know her probably better than anyone, and she is extremely charismatic. People just naturally trust her, and her social skills are seriously unmatched. Im telling you, that girl is gifted. Andd im the exact opposite. We have been best friends for 6 years now and have never been through a crisis before. The reason why i love her so much is that even though she always had like a hundred friends, she always chose me first. The reason why i had any friends other than her in highschool was because if anyone wanted to be around her, they inevitably had to be around me too. But when she moved away, i realised im nothing without her. I know that its extremely dramatic, but its just how i feel.

Jealous of best friend

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Hi again, No need to apologise to me about showing-up late - I'm far worse these days! Anyway, it's your thread, you can post as often or languidly as you like. Best to take time in between anyway - I shove a hell of a lot of info into each post so there's a lot of absorbing, cross-referencing and editing needs to happen in your existing 'mental filing system'. Methinks, however, I've spotted some misguided thinking on your part (marked with **) so - allow me... _______________________________ "In the meantime,i have been trying to make the best of my situation by studying as much i could (since i have nothing else to do) and i actually passed all of my exams!" Fan-bloody-tastic - what can I say? And under this upsetting climate too. Very impressive - WELL DONE, YOU, keep it up! (That's a brilliant, rare skill (especially these Insta days), being able to retain and organise information like that, under-fire of loneliness and no doubt off-shoot Anxiety; it'll see you in fantastic stead in your future career. ''Ever thought of starting up your own biz, now, ready for when you leave?'' Actually, me and my mom have been running a small business since last summer and its going good, so i do have something to keep me occupied." Refer to above! What is it, if you don't mind my asking? FYI, Lily31/Parents Splitting Up started a biz with her mum, it's going really well. You can always trust your mum...takes a lot of worry out of it. And anyway, you're AT that age, now, where you and she become more like best friends. This is all good prep, in fact, so I'm wondering if Fate's designed things to be this way for you - so that you CAN'T be distracted from what's important (honestly, the time goes sooo quickly and any friendships rarely survive after Uni - my son is testament to that. He and his old crowd have all steadily 'peeled off', so it's actually good thing, given everything else you've got going, isn't it. 'Fate moves in mysterious ways'...but shame it can't send us a memo beforehand, eh, so that we didn't naturally assume something was wrong rather than As It Secretly Needs To Be. "''And how ucking insensitive to crow at you when you're down. It's like you're starving and she's telling you she's surrounded by a banquet! I mean - WHAT?'' Omg that is exactly what bothered me the most! Especially in the beginning, she would text me crying about how she doesn't like her new friends (she knew them for a week) and about how she would end up alone, when we both damn knew that would never happen, while being very aware of my situation. On the other hand, i have never whined to her about being literally alone, because i was always afraid i would be annoying." It's what bothered me the most, too. It's known as "*I'm* alright, Jack!". VERY thoughtless and not just a tad egotistical as well. Me, I think she was trying to undo her loss of pride in front of you during her first week. But that's not what you do with long-term friends: you're supposed to feel capable of telling each other everything and anything. Are you an Only Child? You sound very nice, I must say. Oh, well, take what you need from that friendship and disregard the rest. At least you can use her as your pit-stop in between studying like a mad thing. I started two little 'cottage' businesses around your age, as well, when I moved out of London, back to my Home County to lodge with my parents, while looking for a rental. In the daytime I was a freelance recruitment agent and in the late avo/evenings, made very arty, unique and innovative, silver and gold earrings (in the days when selling for cash was still possible). My mother got into making them with me as well..then my father (artisticness in the family)....all three of us would be sat round the telly with the silver wire, beads, links, cabochons, pliars, having a ball. I'd sell our wares at all the pubs and hotels in my area...made an absolute killing as I started in the run-up to Xmas and ended up with masses of regular customers. What with the freelancer-supplying as well, I was making well over a thousand pounds per week - cash. Put virtually all of it into savings, after buying myself my first car (you driving yet?). Haah...those were the days.... lol. So, REALLY, I'm of the opinion that these early years, when you HAVE all that easily-renewable energy and enthusiasm (which does NOT...LAST...you start being unable to get to bed late, and really feeling the hangovers, from about 25 (OH YES...drip-drip-drip/tick-tick-tick) - that, *precisely* what you're doing/being forced by Fate to do, is the very best thing you COULD be doing. Then you'll be qualified, if you like, for friendships...proper ones...and will automatically choose accordingly. Because close friendships do require a surprising lot of upkeep; plus, it's proven now: there's no such thing as multi-tasking, just task-depriving (of attention), whereby nothing really gets done *properly and dedicatedly* and, trust me: above all else - at your age/stage - Dedication (better yet, obsession) is always-always what you need for this life. You don't want to be a workaholic when it's mating/sprogging time (30-ish) or you'll end up divorced ten or so years later.... (...how does it go?... For her He climbed the highest mountains Swam the deepest seas Crossed the widest deserts. She divorced him Because he was never at home. :D) So yes...study yourself silly. The time will speed past and, since most friendships are destined to dissolve post-Uni (even just people moving away for work/cheat rent reasons), you'll lose nothing compared to what you'll have gained: made hay while the sun shone. And you'll have a car to cart yourself and your new friends around to "gatherings" n stuff. The very sociable types, however, probably not so much...too much sitting-around-chatting and making Daisy-chains when they should have been making hay. You'll definitely have 'the last laugh'. And not many people your age know that so - somebody 'up there' obviously likes you and is guiding you. (Any ideas who? A late fave granny or something?) "Unfortunately or not, she is absolutely telling the truth about most things. I know her probably better than anyone, and she is extremely charismatic." Oh, REALLY? Extremely charismatic?...plus highly insensitive?, self-aggrandising?, pumping-up her ego by comparing herself to you and coming away feeling superior (crowing) as leaves you emptier than before? "Hmmmm...". Proceed with caution. Those are all very selfish and self-centred settings/attitudes. She could be quite high on the Normal Person narcissistic scale, which means, innately insecure/envious/coveting. But, regardless, even fairly little kids now that if your friend says, "I feel glum", you DON'T respond with tantamount to, 'Really? I FEEL GREAT!'. Bit of a Red Flag so just, as I say, try not to automatically trust everything she says (unless you see evidence for yourself). "People just naturally trust her, and her social skills are seriously unmatched. Im telling you, that girl is gifted." People tend to insta-trust her, as well, do they? Okayyyyyy.... And yet, with YOU, she's socially inept? HOW DOES THAT WORK? It doesn't. Those two do NOT go together! ***Red-Flag-Red-Flag - huge pinches of salt required!*** Never mind. Soon as you've got that biz running like clockwork and have quals coming out of your ears, your confidence will SHOOT up and you'll find people starting to swarm to you like minor bees that need a leader type (which you clearly are - actions, actions). "Andd im the exact opposite." GOOD! THANK UCK FOR THAT! It's called Genuine. You're JUST lacking confidence at this stage. Almost ALL students feel like you, regardless of whatever it is in their environment they mistake as being to blame. A LOT of it is your hormones, still. "We have been best friends for 6 years now and have never been through a crisis before." I've had friends for TEN years that seemed fine and then suddenly 'came out of the closet'. Just any pressure. Anyway...charming people - sorry, people PRETENDING to be a naturally charming type - the Covert Narcissists or overly narcissistic, tend not to be capable of hanging onto lasting friendships/relationships. ALL of those types tend to be charming yet insensitive (to the point of cruel) (- tick!). Yeah, she may have been fine when the world was still normal, but: (1) Daily life is very different now, so much harder and 'desolate'-feeling, especially for your agegroup, and pressure does NOT sit well on a Narc, meaning, out they slither. Start keeping a diary of ANYTHING odd/upsetting/insulting she says or does - and start it from the first time you really noticed that extra-special kind of "Ouch (that wasn't very nice)" feeling. Make it three columns - Nice...Neutral...Nasty. See how crowded that list gets. I suspect you'll end up very shocked and surprised. But...please do prove me wrong. (2) So many MORE of your generation 'wear' Narc-Specs these days. She MAY find that her charms - or what comes soon after - are starting to ....wait for it because I know this won't have occurred to you....WEAR THIN OR PUT PEOPLE OFF AFTER 'FIVE MINUTES'. Did you think of that? Because that's what's starting to happen. The more instantly-charming one is, the more other people give you a wide berth until your consistent run of all-round actions and behaviour prove one is NATURALLY charming (and not at all selfish, spiteful, out to 'mug' your confidence off you, etc.). (So now you understand why I typed GOOD, THANK UCK FOR THAT, yeh? Don't worry, therefore. The Shy/Sincere/Deeply Thoughtful types are coming back into fashion. :) In fact, this timing of everything is practically perfect, isn't it?) On the other hand: If you're right in believing she's (these days, still) consistently nicer and more beneficial to your peace-of-mind and contentedness/safety/security than not, you'll be left feeling markedly better. If I'm right - you'll be left feeling a bit shite (not much, given the 'distance' of late) but, afterwards, better than ever...clearer...lighter....PROBABLY 'STRANGELY' MORE ATTRACTIVE TO OTHER PEOPLE (cough!, just saying....but, actually, it's how it works when your friend pulls or keeps you down). **This is the mis-think I mentioned. Smacked me clean between the eyes, it did (typical mistake at your age): "The reason why i love her so much is that even though she always had like a hundred friends, ((A Hundred....HAHAHAHAHA!!)) she always chose me first. The reason why i had any friends other than her in highschool was because if anyone wanted to be around her, they inevitably had to be around me too. But when she moved away, i realised im nothing without her. I know that its extremely dramatic, but its just how i feel." Yoooou 'nana. Oh, she and the situation have done a GREAT number on you, haven't they. Wow. No, cherub, it's like this: Sure, she was initially charming, and a laugh/fun. But she had a serious down side. Which YOUR PRESENCE - THE BLEND OF YOU WITH HER - MADE HER TOLERABLE. Like over-strong, bitter coffee. You were the sugar and cream. Get it? And I know that because I like and rate you a lot already - and all from just two piddly posts. WAKEY-WAKEY. Nope. Nope-nope-nope: the admission that she lacked friends suddenly, was true. At that point, she was too low for pride to get a look in (she must have been on the floor!). But, all too soon, her ego kicked back into puffed-up-ness, meaning, she couldn't take having made herself that vulnerable to you...the thought was making her cringe. So what did she do? What they all do: lied that everything was suddenly transformed for the better. HEARD IT ALL BEFORE, you see. I've BEEN friends with 'her'. Known friends who've been friends with her before. Read about friends like her. Seriously...do that 3-column list...check whether her Light Side far outweighs her Dark (or even Dark plus Neutral). THESE DAYS, taken into account with anything that now, newly strikes you as Iffy under this new 'dark light' I've shone for you over your evidence table. You can write it here if you like? Or I can help you categorise anything you're not sure about? The point of knowing her dark-light ratio is so that I can advise you of precisely how much 'arms's length' to maintain her from you, whereby you get the benefits but none of the kicks and punches. Plan, Stan? (You're pretty ucking fantastic for 18, you know.) (No. You *don't* know.) (You will. :))

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PS: forgot to mention: Coverts are likened to (Everyday) Psychopaths in that they can dupe you into believing wholeheartedly they're basically a good'un and 'just a bit hurtful', 'just a bit careless/insensitive a lot', 'just a bit Me-Me-Me', just a bit INEPT - WHEN IT COMES ONLY TO YOU. They either isolate you before feeding off you OR you isolate them for them (reclusive type) OR circumstances leave you isolated (tick). However, even in the latter case, yours, there is STILL that highly 'sense-able' Narc Effect on you (you end up with a face like a wet weekend, all nervy and background hurting from the latest disguised snipe or backhanded compliment...all the really really petty stuff but LOTS OF IT. In application, it always feels like they're NEVER...Q...UITE BAD ENOUGH....to fire. Unlike Narcissistic Sociopaths, your straight Coverts and Covert Vulnerables (who can pretend to be down/hurt - in order to get YOU to spill, NOTE-COUGH!, so that they can fashion their insults around the sore nerves you've revealed, NOTE-COUGH!) can go for DECADES, pretending to be a bit this/that/this negative but 'REALLY, he/she isn't THAT bad...I don't think'. They're the ones Discarding/getting chucked at over 50 and 60-years-old (although, note that Discarding is actually them getting in there first, the minute they sense the change in you - "Hit Or Be Hit" is their main mantra, all types). Oh yeah they are (bad enough). Or how come you're not radiating in a way that attracts people any more, despite she was the Addictor and you were the Super-Comfy Chair that made it SAFE for them to continue hanging around her. How come you were so Blue and mentioning her involvement? How come it took me to point out her emotional attack, there? SEE? You just aren't wearing the specialist-tinted specs - and why WOULD you be, when you've got so much on your mind? You see? That's just the 'involvement' of hers, out of the total Covert bags of tricks, that you DID FEEL but couldn't articulate. (It's sooo frustrating not being able to see and point to the evidence and understand completely, WHY your life and once-popularity has started to wane. Capiche? It's not called Covert/Hidden, for nothing. It's harder thinky-dinky time. Or that list. Oh, GO ON - do the list. I really-really want you to do a list. Even if just to eliminate her from the enquiry. I suspect this is going to be mightily, eye-openly helpful to many readers present and future. You can say no, though, I can take it, LOL. :) But she is definitely without-question worth a more thorough frisk. Even if all she is is too immature, now, for you.

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PS: "On the other hand, i have never whined to her about being literally alone, because i was always afraid i would be annoying."" That was yet another, characteristic, Scooby Clue. With a true, lasting (i.e. morals-matching) friendship, you NEVER feel afraid to confide/whine/whinge/cry with them. Never. BECAUSE THEY NEVER WOULD BE - it flies in the face of the first definition of Friendship (each other's Rock!). So that (COUGH!) "Walking On Eggshells" - especially where concerns, whether/how/when/if to Approach so as to avoid (COUGH!) annoying them - is where I would send you, interweb-wise, RIGHT now. You'll see. NEVER. Well, maybe once...on a really bad day. But if you say/show you don't like it, they don't tend to make that antisocial mistake again. Better yet - don't tend to make it IN THE FIRST PLACE. Getting it even more?

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Anyway (sorry - cooking, flitting back and forth) - at your age, they don't even have to be narc-ish or NPD to realise you're drifting apart. Some friends are just put on for you by Fate/"the universe"/god/nature as Stepping Stones. Usually, their example is the path that leads you to the keepers. It's impossible to get them to bond with you properly - so "Devaluing" (tick!) then "Discarding" you (whether real or faked for power-leverage reasons), for them can be like selling/trading-in their car (sad for all of 5 mins). If you're not operating as you were used to doing, in any one important zone of your life based on your nature (- unfettered/un-laden), however - this case, noteably, *socially* - then, usually, it IS another person behind it. That's purely logical if you think about it. Another HUUUUGE clue I spotted (I haven't told you everything - we'd be here all day!): You KNEW your "whinging" wouldn't be welcome, even BEFORE you entered a phase that demanded having lots of whinges with a bestie. Speaks volumes, matey. Unless you DID try once and got somehow, subtly "punished" or "not rewarded)? Usually it does take an example incident. But if you know even without making a first attempt? Time to shuffle backwards and try to read more about narcissism (AND immature friends with low eQ) to identify her before you think about shuffling back. Alternatively, search "Am I in the wrong - should I apologise?" by Heisenberg. His started as an online friendship with the offending woman concerned. Lots of web-info in there that I posted for him, and lots of "things occurring to him, all-of-a-sudden". And YEP, she was/is a Covert. They are sooooo subtle...atomic....silent-but-deadly....not even mainly with their mouths - it's what they FAIL to do as much as do. Furtive and insideous. All with a friendly smile or "haha, just joking" (as a cover for wounding) or "just being honest" (as a cover for cruel). Really, really slippery and hard to pin down. And bitty-bitty-petty, as I say. Google "Covert Narcissist - Death By A Thousand Cuts". You will feel SO RELIEVED if you do 'see' her. You'll realise there's nothing wrong with you whatsoever. Except for HER EFFECT. (My friends and I call them Human Covid/Long Covid.)

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Correction: "But, regardless, even fairly little kids now that if your friend says, "I feel glum", you DON'T respond with tantamount to, 'Really? I FEEL GREAT!'" Nor do you if you can (which a good friend can) *merely detect* your friend is feeling glum (or even just out-of-sorts). Are you starting to see how the thigh bone is connected to the pelvic bone, etc., now? I cannot believe that all this time, she's had you convinced (including through others) that SHE was the star of your duo. What's SHE got to show for it, then? Has she started a biz, has she? Has she passed all her exams, has she? FIRST WEEK OF UNI AND SHE FULLY EXPECTED TO HAVE PEOPLE FLOCK TO HER LIKE THEY USED TO. FIRST WEEK OF UNI. How unrealistic is THAT! ("...to-the....Hip-bone..."). You see? ...'we'd be here ALL DAY'. (I swim all the way down to the bottom of the abyss, I duz. You'd be surprised what crud you find down there.)

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PPPPPPPPPPPS! Thinking about it - you're busy studying. So here's Heisenberg's thread link. Ignore what TYPE of relationship it is. They're basically a one-trick pony no matter what the relational or role-based nature of the duo/group. https://www.peoplesproblems.org/showtopic/13160/am-i-in-the-wrong-here-should-i-apologise (While I was at it - I gave your room a quick tidy as well) (hur-hur)

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Basically, with coverts, you can only ever say, I thought I knew her better than anyone. Until I realised, I didn't. Unfortunately, it's usually in hindsight (or if you linger too long and your tolerance bucket alerts you by overflowing without-warning), or someone in-the-know opening your eyes by lending you their "dark specs". For that reason, Coverts/Covert-Vulnerables are the worst. A far longer "waste" of time and energy. Bloody years. (Oh, and n-spaths start off consistently Covert, too, for a good two years or so, before letting their monstrous selves all hang out.) Six years, thinking she's wonderful and she's your friend YET YOU AREN'T EXPERIENCING THE POSITIVE SNOWBALL EFFECT like you should ("somehow-suddenly" making a second and third) (it's called the Confidence To - that's what attracts first...and the rest is because you're loveable and bondable-to). Zat iss NOT hhow idt nor-mmally VERKS, mein Leib-ling. Ya? I'm coming back to the surface now (it's muddy down there, maan). Over to you again (at your leisure).

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I haven't read what you've written yet but something just happened and i HAVE to talk about it. She came back to town yesterday, and told me we should meet today and watch a movie together. This is all perfectly fine with me, i tell her yes and then today i let ger know that i have class from 8-9:30.(This is also the time when we usually meet). She didn't say anything in particular but i saw from her tone that she was bothered, probably because for her im always available, and she had definitely made other plans after. So she tells me to meet before my class, around 6, but i tell her 5 is better because i have to leave at 7:30 and we wouldn't have enough time. She says ok great. When its around four she says she'll came to my house because she didn't bring her laptop with her.(we almost always meet at her's) Im like ok sure but im panicking because my house is a huge mess and I haven't studied for my class yet. So i burst my ass to study and clean the entire house in less that thirty minutes, only to get a text like: ill came at 5:30 after all . At this point im seriously pissed off, because she has done this MANY TIMES. Plus she is always 10 minutes late minimum. So i just chill, i wait, i do my makeup and get dressed to go to class right after, and around five, she says we should better meet tomorrow to have more time, because some other girls wanted to go for coffee with her and they couldn't go later. And mow im seriously upset, obviously. The thing i said about her always choosing me first? I should probably erase that. Now im starting to see things that i have always ignored before. Like the "ill came 30 minutes later" thing. She does it seriously almost every time. And she definitely wouldn't try to pull that shit with anyone else, because im the friend who never gets upset, never calls her out, the one with unlimited patience. Another thing i noticed, every time she visits she goes out with all her friends except for me. We always stay inside and watch a movie. I have watched like, five billion movies at this point. It was always my favourite thing we did, but now its the ONLY thing we do. I realise im probably a coward for now saying anything, but im seriously scared, and now im starting to believe i have a phobia of being unlikeable to people. That was waaay longen than what i intended, but i do feel better. P.S i did read navs thread, im kinda worried she's not responding anymore.

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'Ever thought of starting up your own biz, now, ready for when you leave?'' Actually, me and my mom have been running a small business since last summer and its going good, so i do have something to keep me occupied." Refer to above! What is it, if you don't mind my asking? I basically make small paintings, and sell them at souvenir-tourist shops. However, i kida hate it lol. I love painting and drawing, but i have to make whatever the client wants, and its usually stuff i hate. And then i have to make the same thing 100 times. Sometimes i actually like the designs though. I used to be really into drawing realistic portraits, but i somehow convinced myself i suck and stopped drawing, untill the business thing came up.

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"Are you an Only Child? You sound very nice, I must say." No, i have an older brother. "Yeah, she may have been fine when the world was still normal, but:" She used to be fine when we were together. Even when she did piss me off, i would always get over it in seconds because every time we talked, i would just forget about everything. She was awesome, made me feel special and everything. Nothing i said or did was getting judged,we talked about everything, she was always there for me and overall the perfect best friend. When she said something that annoyed me, she would always apologize before i build the courage to speak up. I think thats why i struggle to do so now, because i haven't done it before.

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"She MAY find that her charms - or what comes soon after - are starting to ....wait for it because I know this won't have occurred to you....WEAR THIN OR PUT PEOPLE OFF AFTER 'FIVE MINUTES'." I have literally seen this happening and its all connected to this: "FIRST WEEK OF UNI AND SHE FULLY EXPECTED TO HAVE PEOPLE FLOCK TO HER LIKE THEY USED TO. FIRST WEEK OF UNI. How unrealistic is THAT!" They actually did though, but she didn't like them. She met these girls that she thought were stuck up or something, then met a bunch of other people, who she shit talked with about the previous girls, and the whole situation backfired because they found out and called her out. She felt terrible for weeks after.

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"Sure, she was initially charming, and a laugh/fun. But she had a serious down side. Which YOUR PRESENCE - THE BLEND OF YOU WITH HER - MADE HER TOLERABLE." I still believe it was the opposite though. The people we talked to in highschool as a pair would never talk to me when i was alone. They hang out with her just fine, thought. That could very well be my fault and it probably was though. Also, all my friends from highschool that cut me off still have contact with her. That however, isn't my fault. So allow me to disagree that i was definitely not the star of the duo. About that list, i guess we could put what happened today at nasty. I went from annoyed to angry( i dont know if my mother is employing her to make me clean the house) to sad to just hurt because i have been waiting since Christmas to see her again and she chose to see someone else first. However, knowing me, i will have probably forgotten about this tomorrow. So maybe somewhere between neutral and nasty? Idk

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"Speaks volumes, matey. Unless you DID try once and got somehow, subtly "punished" or "not rewarded)? Usually it does take an example incident. But if you know even without making a first attempt? Time to shuffle backwards and try to read more about narcissism (AND immature friends with low eQ) to identify her before you think about shuffling back." No, no the "afraid to whine to her" thing is a me problem and not something she has caused. I have totally talked to her about not having any friends here and she's been super supportive. I just don't do it at moments when i feel like i need it because in my head its like:" i shouldn't annoy her for this, shes probably tired of hearing about it, what if she thinks im annoying" and the list goes on.

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Since im seriously opening up here, i should probably mention that i had another best friend before her, for about 6 years(holy shit are all of my friendships doomed to last 6 years?) She was my childhood best friend and again " the star of the duo". our friendship ended very suddenly, which is something that changed me as a person and made me seriously struggle to the point that i started self harming. I still do it sometimes, not going to lie, but very rarely. Anyways i always blame my "afraid to be annoying cause people will hate and dumb me" problem on her. I left quite a lot to unpack here, hehe, hope you will be able to catch up.

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Busy couple of days - sozzies! Be with you tonight - hang tight...

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PS: Yes, of course I'll be able to catch up. I even read whole, actual, books, doncha know - sometimes really huge ones! ;D I can hear the Cognitive Dissonance and Denial going round your head from here (normal and commonplace). Don't worry, I'll clear all the "F.O.G." for you. :)

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I'm here! Bit late - sorry. "I haven't read what you've written yet but something just happened and i HAVE to talk about it. She came back to town yesterday, and told me we should meet today and watch a movie together. This is all perfectly fine with me, i tell her yes and then today i let ger know that i have class from 8-9:30.(This is also the time when we usually meet). She didn't say anything in particular but i saw from her tone that she was bothered, probably because for her im always available, and she had definitely made other plans after. So she tells me to meet before my class, around 6, but i tell her 5 is better because i have to leave at 7:30 and we wouldn't have enough time. She says ok great. When its around four she says she'll came to my house because she didn't bring her laptop with her.(we almost always meet at her's) Im like ok sure but im panicking because my house is a huge mess and I haven't studied for my class yet. So i burst my ass to study and clean the entire house in less that thirty minutes, only to get a text like: ill came at 5:30 after all . At this point im seriously pissed off, because she has done this MANY TIMES. Plus she is always 10 minutes late minimum. So i just chill, i wait, i do my makeup and get dressed to go to class right after, and around five, she says we should better meet tomorrow to have more time, because some other girls wanted to go for coffee with her and they couldn't go later. And mow im seriously upset, obviously. The thing i said about her always choosing me first? I should probably erase that. Now im starting to see things that i have always ignored before. Like the "ill came 30 minutes later" thing. She does it seriously almost every time. And she definitely wouldn't try to pull that shit with anyone else, because im the friend who never gets upset, never calls her out, the one with unlimited patience. Another thing i noticed, every time she visits she goes out with all her friends except for me. We always stay inside and watch a movie. I have watched like, five billion movies at this point. It was always my favourite thing we did, but now its the ONLY thing we do. I realise im probably a coward for now saying anything, but im seriously scared, and now im starting to believe i have a phobia of being unlikeable to people. That was waaay longen than what i intended, but i do feel better. P.S i did read navs thread, im kinda worried she's not responding anymore." Actually, before I comment, I need to know something because I SUSPECT you're subconsciously doing something typically victimy-sneaky. It doesn't exonerate her - pas de tout! - but it would require a certain-tinted filter over the magic torch. (And PS, I'm available on-off all day today so feel free to respond quickly, if available, and then I can get properly stuck-in: You told her Yes. Then on the day itself, warned you had a class...until 9.30 (am I to presume, morning?). Didn't you know the day before that you had a class? Did you forget, during the arrangement conversation? When and what time did you find out? Did you apologise for the late disruption to the arrangement? I suspect your mind is already done with her. But it's mentally so difficult with Coverts to pinpoint exactly (or even find a name-label for) their ultra-misty-twisty psychological crimes against you...particularly as most things were those that FAILED TO happen/WEREN'T said (or in the right, APPROPRIATE way). you've got to have a memory of an elephant AND good recall - which is very difficult when still chronically distressed. I suspect that with more time in which to calm down (now that you know where you stand and how to dodge the slaps/over-competitiveness), you'll have come to you the evidence to match my accusations (same as Heisenberg). Really, it takes time to realise just how seriously you've been mistreated - WHETHER INTENDED OR JUST SELFISH CLUMSINESS OR NOT (it still harms). Back to you? And how are you feeling today? You ok?

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PS: This is your remaining Cognitive Dissonance talking, right here: "No, no the "afraid to whine to her" thing is a me problem and not something she has caused. I have totally talked to her about not having any friends here and she's been super supportive. I just don't do it at moments when i feel like i need it because in my head its like:" i shouldn't annoy her for this, shes probably tired of hearing about it, what if she thinks im annoying" and the list goes on." It means, trying to marry two, completely contradictory beliefs at the same time (your case, because your mind has a piece of damning evidence for the prosecution which it's already correctly classified, verified by me, but you're holding onto old misbeliefs as clash horribly....no doubt due to the usual Sentimentalism of big Empaths) (which you crystal-clearly are). See if you can spot what I mean and why. (No worries if not - I'll tell you. Just wanna test your cylinders at this point along.)

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"your case, because your mind has a piece of damning evidence for the prosecution which it's already correctly classified, verified by me, but you're holding onto old misbeliefs as clash horribly.." I'm having a hard time understanding this, English isn't my first language and i dont know what half of these words mean lol I totally see the way im contradicting myself though. And there's a whole term for that wow! I had no idea!

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You told her Yes. Then on the day itself, warned you had a class...until 9.30 (am I to presume, morning?). Didn't you know the day before that you had a class? Did you forget, during the arrangement conversation? When and what time did you find out? Did you apologise for the late disruption to the arrangement? It was until 9.30 at night. Of course i knew, i didnt think it was a big deal and i let her know in the morning of the same day. It wasn't like we had an arranged time to meet, we just said lets meet tomorrow. I honestly didn't think much of it.

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We did meet up, i discovered she lied to me about things that didn't make any sense and I don't understand why anyone would lie about that in the first place, for example she said we should go to my place cause she didn't bring her computer at town, remember? She had bought her computer, i literally saw it, and when i asked about it she said "of course i brought my computer, i had to study", like i wouldn't remember what she said a day ago? I honestly don't understand.

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I got waylaid (happens alot - Spain is chaotic and everything last-min, no-warning, still). I'm going to bust a gut to get on tomorrow and help you understand why the lie, and the rest of it, no worries, busy yourself with something else. It's never a case of will I be back, just how quickly but I can hear you're in confusion and distress. Yet another disappointing disillusionment. What she denied, is called "Gaslighting" - re-writing history, denying the facts, trying to rob you of your correct perception and thereby chip away your usual trust in your mind and senses. All just to escape being accountable for having told you one thing but done the complete opposite. When we spend time in any emotionally involved and intimate people with brain-damage, set to permanently getting one-over (or worse) on people, particularly those closest (i.e. most ego-threatening) to them, IT DISTURBS US. Go google it. You're experiencing the correct, typical, Narc-victim brain sensations...the response of a FIT AND HEALTHY brain trying to organise what cannot be organised into making truth and/or sense. Our minds aren't supposed to experience it. It's a socially-passed-on disease. Additionally, due to their/the illness's over-dominance compulsion, they're infectious and your brain can sense this and feel distressed, sort-of scared of them, panicking because you don't know what's going on but dread experiencing that again without at least being prepared and non-intimidated.... All of that and more. She's got your mind parts doing Olympic-level gymastics - basically. Like Twister on-acid. But in unnatural, abhormal positions that feel unsafe. You ARE safe. And there are so many ways to be even safer, without it harming YOU or anyone but a Narc or even Insecure/Difficult Person. But her corrupted data, now cranked-up, just *feels* threatening. How do you look in a leotard? LOL Thinking of leotards and the Olympic Games: Which country are you in/from and/or what's your first language? (Your English is very good, I must say!) PS: Your phobia is just an illusion. Unless you were surrounded by Narcs growing-up/schooling and just weren't aware and thought ALL kids/people were "like that", it was just something one had to tolerate in any human-human close relationship of any kind? I'm one of the sanest people you'll ever meet and - look - with each post you publish, the more I like you. And I am infuratingly fussy. With very high standards that I make myself follow as well as others who want to spend time with me. I am VERY protective over my brain. Never watched Porn - saw through it (PAYING drug-pushers to addict you, out of your own salary ffs!, and who wants to watch people they don't find attractive anyway, having feelingless, purely recreational (or disrespectful) S*X with each other? What am I - a voyeur? Ugh - unclean. Same for gratuitously gory/distasteful horror films. How angry-childish, how misogynistic (AGAIN)... And I'm a Super-Nova Empath so I'm sensitive AND tough, whatever any situation demands. So it must be nothing to do with you and all to do with them and why they'd want to give you the cold-shoulder. Are you a truth-speaker? Do you call out BS as you hear it? Narcs (and - google - Flying Monkeys) are WELL scared of truth speakers. And anyway. I know my stuff so I know that if you are targetted and picked/pecked on by a load of soul-suckers and enablers, or even ONE, then it's because you've got what they want but don't have and have no means to attract into their life. But - question: where are all these "star"-worshippers today? Maybe you mistook fawning for popularity? It's common for other less-confident of the truth types to do anything to stay in "the in-crowd" and not be next in the subtly bitchy and confidence-pecking/etc. female Covert's scary-sniper crosshairs. They're the ones that frequently say something that makes you want to 'curl up and die' or the 'ground to swallow you up'. The ones that rush straight up to the boy you fancy and yell, (Name) fancies you!, and scare/embarrass the boy away (because they insist on being your only interested and (false) feedbacker. Victim's problems are not that they're not in whatever way(s) gorgeous enough. It's that they're TOO gorgeous. So much so that they want to possess you then BECOME you. Because you've got what they haven't (empathy/humanity) and your unique You-ness, and all the things those gorgeous traits get or pave for you in later life, even when you're no longer youthfully good-looking (for you). Looks or Look or Facial/Body Posture attract. Personality - including, e.g., your subtly unique thus identifiable/recognisable voice -immediately step in and keep. Looks fade, personality doesn't. And looks/facial muscle posture takes a 'beating' when you have a secret ahole in your life, especially when they REALLY start losing or removing their mask due to pressure or crisis. You have all the ingredients to be attractive or alluring (alluring is best - that doesn't go, either). Except for one: confidence in you! You don't know up-to-date you, anyway. You've neen too distracted AND have had a person whose even just vibe would have left you unsettled. Even the NICE things they say aren't said right. It's all Cantonese Clingon (misspelling intentional). You're sweet. And deeply caring. I love it! Name me one person in world who doesn't? :) You stop seeing people's faces as you get to know them, anyway. It gets overlayed by their personality. So, for example, they have a huge nose but they're a lovely, interesting, etc. person. More the months pass, the more you start to LIKE their unique nose...find it sexy, even. See? What you've seen of their INSIDES, if attractive, makes their face/body increasingly more attractive. If NOT attractive..... I dated a supermodel. His sexy face by Month 6 had turned into an off-putting "plasticine" face with a permanently smug and arrogant facial expression.... it's hard to articulaate but it was like he had a wax face that slowly got out of kilter, out of proportion....DISTORTED. I ended up thinking, Ugh, you're actually WEIRD-looking...UGLY. Yeah - cos he was an undeniable p*ick....playing stupid mind-games, trying to assert dominance by assuming superiority (with eff-all basis), making substly snidey remarks meant to remove my confidence ("Pathological Envy")..... LIFE IS TOO SHORT. Don't write that off as a wrinkly talking. I'm not exaggerating. I am having real trouble believing what age I am this year. Like - NO, I'M NOT - I'M THE SAME AS I EVER WAS. I just don't look 'as I ever was'. See? SEE? (HAHAHA! - but serously - ) See? I said I would post tomorrow but I just started reading ONE post and got sucked in. There's something about you. I was supposed to go to bed! But I don't even mind! But I am going to be self-displined as I have to be up quite early in the morning (uuugh) so - more tomorrow/any chance get - you and everyone else, jeez!

Jealous of best friend

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Sorry- just borrowing your thread to respond to Richard's message to me on the main page: Righto - will do! Will answer you on here if there's a problemo with my email. (Bloody-bloody technology - what NOW!)

Jealous of best friend

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Yep - found them with the Spam, Stan (haven't a clue why) - will read them tomorrow! Cheers for the heads-up!

Jealous of best friend

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Right...to clarify what I meant that you didn't understand: basically, cognitively, with this further proof of abormal, childish attitude and behaviour - you now know she's "Iffy" but it's too hard to know which Her is the Real Her - the nice her or the lying, 'bringing you down' (after just lifting you up - it's called giving with one hand while/then taking away again with the other and is a specialismm of Coverts). As the separate polar opinions based on her extreme/polar sides, so extreme they're like a split personality ("she's normal-she's not-she's normal-she's not...she loves me-loves-me-not..." cannot merge/blend because they both correct fully-formed opinions based on incoming data, entities in their own right rather than blendable components/two halves, YET don't add up to a normal human person paired together and (without constant whisking) refuse to stay permanently together, normally (oil and water), without 'stabilisers' "n stuff", you're left with two separate opnions vying to get into a single-sized opinion hole. They don't fit so they have to take turns. Yes/no/yes/no/yes/no....AAAAAAAARGH - WHICH!!! IT CAN'T BE BOTH. Yes, but it can. In brain-developmentally sabotaged/damaged individuals. That's WHY they drive you crazy. Your mind has nowhere to PUT this alien data package and our mind has to FILE STUFF in the CORRECT filing cabinets or the company could be negatively affected as a result. They LOOK normal, they SOUND normal. But they're ferel...half-baked, half-present, out-of-order human, more like a machine with predator/aggressor psychology (pounce or be pounced on/eat or be eaten/hit or be hit, dump first or (inevitably) be dumped first...). It's like, every night when you 'lights-out', a ferocious, starving, maybe rabbid, lone wolf suddenly appearing on your sofa in place of your lovely cuddly doggie. Tears chunks out of you, freaks the bejesus out of you...you turn the lights on again and it's just your cuddly doggy again. Being turned horribly confused into insane ("Gaslighted") anyone? You've answered my questions (Taaaa!) and I see that you warning her didn't apply to the nature of your meet-ups. Got to break off for a tick so I'll start a new page...

Jealous of best friend

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(...continued...) "The thing i said about her always choosing me first? I should probably erase that." Now that she's without a main Primary Supply she's started to tame and train you. So she leaves you long enough until you're starving, then reappears and 11th hour arranges, then messes you around, before (could be true, could be lie) telling you she's playing with other friends instead, you'll have to go to the back of the queue. Because what she was testing to see if you'd do, was: BEND OVER BACKWARDS FOR HER. BE INSTA-CONVENIENT. Be Master to your Slave (which would include, Emotional Dumping Ground/Punching-Bag - even if just because she had a headache). YOU FAILED. YOU SHOWED YOU STILL HAVE YOUR SELF-RESPECT. Mission - Failed! Now you must be punished/trained harder. You'll be starved again for a longer period, whether non-contact-wise or deliberately being supportive, undermining, invalidating... And then she'll come back and "litmus test" you again on that same score. She's trying to wear you down until you go, "Anything!...anything!....I'll do anything you want when you want how you want from now on... - just FEED ME, PLEASE, BOO-HOO!" Aren't YOU a bad little slave, then? (Gold Star on your forehead - "thlup!"). "Now im starting to see things that i have always ignored before." Yup. It's how the Narc Abuse Recovery Path (think, through a woods) goes. You've hit that hidden little pothole next to the tiny lakke that trips you up so you fall flat on your face where it hurts enough that you go, 'Jeez, this path is dangerous in places', or notice the sole of your shoe contributed for coming loose and flapping around, so think, 'I'd better go more carefully'. And then it smooths out again. It's to get you to stop and look around you and behind you (which you're doing so you're HEALTHY and right on-target, progress-wise. And you got there VERY FAST, actually.) See? All you needed was SUPPORT. And I'm not going anywhere so - let's go get her, Tiger? :) And this is precisely why they don't want you to have support nor confidence to make up for lack of support. She wants the entire so-called Friendship to be ALL ON HER TERMS - and sod yours and how YOU feel about it (servants don't get to demand and dictate). Anyhoo... "Like the "ill came 30 minutes later" thing. She does it seriously almost every time. And she definitely wouldn't try to pull that shit with anyone else, because im the friend who never gets upset, never calls her out, the one with unlimited patience." Yup. Swat Narx Do. Tip: Always agree a meet-up time of about 30 minutes EARLIER than you intend. So, obvs, you say 7.30 when you mean 8. And then pretend you got there on-time(ish) :) (*leans forehead expectantly forward, with cheesy grin, for a sticky Gold Star from MT) (haha, worth a try). "Another thing i noticed, every time she visits she goes out with all her friends except for me." Yup. "We always stay inside and watch a movie." Yes. Like the servant, who stands-in for "friends" but is still just an (free) employee, that you (to her) 'are' (NOOOOOT!) (fail) "I have watched like, five billion movies at this point." Wow! Which ones? (hahahahaha) - "Go...!?" No, but, seriously, folk: which stick in your mind that you'd love to watch again? That could be a really handy bonus to this 'Friend-Fiend-ship', you know? Could be really useful in the future. And think of all that knowledge you've soaked up and the raise in iQ from all those moving books! "It was always my favourite thing we did, but now its the ONLY thing we do." Yup. "Wine and Netflix". It's "a thing" on your dating sites and apps. Basically: I don't wanna waste money on you so let's do a budget-bottom date and pretend it's RO-MAN-TIIIIC and for romantic REA-SOOONNNS. (Yeah, right, cheap-arse.) All the friendships perks for her - none for you. All the friendship work for you - none or the bare-bare minimum at times, for her. Got it? Seeing it fit beautifully? Being managed down? GOOGLE - "Narcissist - managing down your expectations". "I realise im probably a coward for now saying anything," Nope! This is how they affect even the normally super-brave Neurotypicals, ESPECIALLY big-big Empaths. Still right on track, no wozzies. "but im seriously scared, and now im starting to believe i have a phobia of being unlikeable to people." Yup - that, too! The lovelier you are, the harder it affects you. (So stop showing-off hahaha). Not people. Malignant Narcissists. I can SEE you've been stuck without even realising, in La-La Land, surrounded by the buggers. Let's keep pulling you OUT Of there and back into Normal Kind People Land. Then the kind people will SEE you and want to be friends with you. Honestly, this IS what's going on. You're the psycho-emotional version of a domestic slave/sex slave/whatever, tricked into the country with the promise of milk and honey but isolated, locked-up, mistreated, tortured, even, not paid.....CAPTIVE SLAVE. They call Malignants, Slow Murderers. "That was waaay longen than what i intended, but i do feel better." That was waaay shorter than I can write or am used to dealing with - so you can feel better about that, too. :) "P.S i did read navs thread, im kinda worried she's not responding anymore." Yeah. (sad, pouty face - me too. But usually just means they've turned a corner and got sucked into stuff and "will post again in a minute, in a minute..." but are too engrossed in having fun for a change. No wozzies, she knows she can come back any time. Did you read Heisenberg's thread yet (link above)?

Jealous of best friend

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(tsk - WT, not MT) (good god, better type slower) (or clip my nails....I sound like a kitten trying to catch a fly on my keyboard) (or tapdancing)

Jealous of best friend

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PS another tip: What are you studying, and could you choose films that are relevant and would enhance your understanding of whatever from giving you the second-hand *experience* as well as the academic knowledge? I.e. choose the films that you want (without her realising). I.e. Make Lemonade out of that giant Lemon, like clearly has already been done from you here and there by "them upstairs"? This is a uni course all itself, you know. University Of Life - How to deal with a narc so that normal people become a BREEZE and so you can become distinctly unattractive to Narcs whilst distinctly attractive to Normals-Empaths (your ideal types). I can already see this whole experience is going to do you a MASSIVE favour/leg-up, I sincerely can. PPS: She's more scared of you than you are of her. She needs you more than you need her. Can't LIVE without a You (seriously - literally). "NPD - fear of abandonment". Not like the reasons for OUR fear. More DREAD of having to start over with a new target. That's why the vets/malignants like someone vulnerable/down - half the training's been done FOR them (having had the air taken out of your sails, not enough fight left, etc.). So where in Normal-Empath Land it's feel the fear and do it anyway. In La-La Land (slave compound), it's DESTROY the fear then do it or don't do it, depending on whether you can by then be arsed to give a sh*t. You only REALISE how bad and welfare/sanity-threatening the abuse ACTUALLY was, with hindsight. Either post-leaving physically. Or, like in your case, emotionally (de-drip, de-drip, de-drip). You've been grieving while still IN the relationship. You won't have much 'getting over' left to do. You might be surprised how much you feel like partying ('going liberation-crazy')! Have one on here if you like? I'll come?

Jealous of best friend

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Oh, and - another tip: Next visit, say: "We can't sit around at mine, though, because I've got the landlord's/uni's painters/contractors, I'm having to sleep in my friend's room for a few nights". Out-narc the Narc. She can abandon you as a project or do as she's ruddy told for a change - CHOOOSE OR LOOOOSE, Bucko! You've got to get over yourself and lie to Narcs. If you view them like Normals and stay polite and within social taboos like you would with them, you're done for. Picture Indiana Jones, Temple of Doom. Arab Giant Narc appears with cutlass(?) - well, huge sword....waving it around menacingly. If Indie decided to play fair and pick up a sword - he'd risk getting injured or worse. So he just gets out his gun and goes, 'BANG!' (and then shows an exasperated/bored face). But this is just while you're gearing-up to deciding to dump. Which, I'm afraid, if they don't alter their attitude and behaviour and have a bit of bloody respect (means can't/won't/see no need to, LIKE things this way), by then, you will. She's going down, whichever way you look at it. That's why you mustn't waste energy being scared. If you pull her off the La-La Land cliff WITH you (where everything works OPPOSITE to how it's supposed to), then, she (or He), being a La-La Land native: She falls down to the rocks below (which is her Up). You fall UP (which is her Down), back to Normal Land. (Try an Aspirin, haha)

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