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Sleeping together

SHADOWJAY profile image
So I'm honestly really lost for what to do. To give some context this isn't about sex. It's about literally sleeping in the same bed. My girlfriend and I have been dating for 7 months now and we don't sleep in the same bed. Our circumstances are a little odd. We both live with her parents and we sleep in separate rooms and we have for the last 8 months. We were best friends and dated in highschool and she broke up with me. I moved away and came back and had been back for 6 years before we started dating again. For 3 of those years she was in a relationship with a guy who really treated her like garbage. It really bothers me that we don't sleep together and I've brought it up a couple times asking why and the response is always I just like my personal space. I have a queen size bed so physical space isn't really a problem. I also know that a few months before she broke up with her ex she rolled over and cuddled up to him and he screamed at her too get the f*** off of him. She doesn't know that I know this and I don't want to bring it up anyway but I have been really supportive of her while she figures out how to heal from all the pain he put her through but I also feel like I need to draw the line somewhere. I really just could use some advice on what to do and how to approach it because I'm really losing hope and almost feel like moving out is really the best option for me because it's killing my mental health. I keep thinking how could she sleep with him at night but not want to sleep with me when all I've done for the last 7 months is be loving and supportive.

Sleeping together

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It's not going to be pretty but you need to walk on & leave your GF get over the other guy. She really has no right to involve you & you don't need the grief while she sorts her head. In other words, why do your head in when you can't really help her? You're seeing the result which is leaving you on the outer & you're starting to question her actions because it's involving you, but it's also hurting you & it's leaving you confused & feeling trod on...all because some other dude treated her like garbage. When she says her personal space it means more than your queen size bed & whether she recognises what she's actually saying or what she really needs is another matter for her to sort. You know, you have to realise that people just can't finish one relationship & then get with someone else, ex or not, successfully, without sorting their head from the previous failed relationship. It's not fair to all involved as you're finding out. Your GF owes to you & to herself to sort her crap first & foremost before she can expect to contribute to any sort of a loving relationship...even to you. Do yourself a favour & give it a break for awhile & see if she sorts her demons without you getting bitten - that'll be you drawing that line that you post about & it's your gut talking to you...best listen to it.

Sleeping together

SHADOWJAY profile image
It does seem like the best choice to step away and just give her that space and make sure she knows that she needs to heal before we have any kind of serious relationship.

Sleeping together

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Hi Shadowjay, I agree completely and utterly-butterly with every single thing Manalone has put ("schmo-kennnnnn!"). And well done for seeing his sense. :) Just FYI: To ensure neither of you experience acute attacks of insecurity about the other during a Separation - it's important to pre-arrange one or more, actua, concrete, reunion dates (public venues only)...progress checks, if you like. First one - a good 4 months. Second - 2 more. Not saying she should be cured but you'll be able to tell if she at least is undergoing any realisations/epiphanies by joining past dots, etc. And obviously, if you find the Separation has helped turn you off climbing back into a a relationship with her, you have to be a gentleman about it and tell her to her face (or over the phone if you truly believe face-to-face would upset her). And same for her, should it be her. I mean, I'm saying that because I presume you'd want to preserve the friendship? (The Separation - the mutual weaning-off - IF that's what's on the cards - will itself help preserve it, thanks to mutual weaning-off-of, making the sting of ending the romantic side, far less painful). It's also (I know you're not going to like hearing this) very important that neither of you have anything romantic, let alone sex, during these separations. ROSS FROM "FRIENDS" WAS WRONG (and weak): being on a break does not mean being over/available. You need no side-distractions in your already heaving mental-emotional in-trays, because not only should SHE be concentrating purely on this, her issue, but you your good self clearly have to work out why you were attracted to an *injured* bunny in the first place, as opposed to a qualified, fit, fully-operating, cuddly one (mm-hmm - I see ya ;) ). Really, really sorry about that, but - it'd kill it. Not just the romantic relationship but the friendship as well. (Women KNOW.) And - trust me - strictly platonic female friends/quasi sisters are BUH-RILL-IANT.

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