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Unrequited love?

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I got romantically involved with this guy from work. He told me he was moving to a new country from the beginning. Even though he treated our situation as temporary ( because it was) It still felt very intimate to me. He left without me knowing how he felt about me so I feel unsure about what we had. Not that there’s any point in it as he’s already moved. I can’t help but want to know He had been gone for a little while, I decided to remove him from my social media because I just wanted a fresh start, seeing him post everyday, have people talking about him at work. I felt too exposed to someone I was trying to move on from. Now I want to say he was good to me, no one is perfect but he treated me well.i think this helped in making it easy as well as difficult?if that makes sense But anyways, our goodbye was a little weird. It was awkward both ways, we never really talked after that day except for the one drunken time I tried to call him. He checked if everything was fine the next day and that was about it. ( this was before removing him off my social media) But anyways he’s friends with a few people from work. Specifically these two ladies, he speaks to them almost every day. He’s spoken to them almost every day, with me? not even once never tried to reach out at all . Which is fine, I can’t help but think about it though. I was better off just being his friend really 😂 No one at work knows we were involved with each other, not as far as I’m aware of anyways. One thing I found suspicious was the fact that he would watch what I was doing whilst on my phone, he would then ask me about what he’s just seen, is that weird ?

Unrequited love?

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Apologies for the wait, PearBear. I or another poster will be with you just as soon as humanly possible. Feel free in the meantime to read up on other threads within your same topic Category, either current or archived (using one of the Search parameters at the top of the main Forum Index page), that might however-closely mirror your own. :)

Unrequited love?

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So-so sorry! Let's go!... "I got romantically involved with this guy from work. He told me he was moving to a new country from the beginning." Okay, sounds gentlemanly so far. "Even though he treated our situation as temporary ( because it was) It still felt very intimate to me." Uh-oh... Are you saying, HE was very intimate towards you? "He left without me knowing how he felt about me so I feel unsure about what we had." A tryst. A brief 'affair'. Friends With Benefits. Which would you pick? But you SHOULD have known. Normally, a woman would. Because the man would continue to make it clear, he wouldm't want the woman falling for him, he wouldn't want that weight on his shoulders nor to feel like a selfish cad. So this makes it a case of, left without Closure. But then we add - Avoidably so. So it's a Witholding of Closure. "Not that there’s any point in it as he’s already moved. I can’t help but want to know" Yup. Unfortunately, it's a byproductive human design 'fault¡ (albeit, which got us to the Moon). "He had been gone for a little while, I decided to remove him from my social media because I just wanted a fresh start, seeing him post everyday," What - and he didn't even say Hi to you? So he wanted a complete cut-off? Had he said so? I'll answer that for you: No. So why didn't he remove you? Contradictions and mixed messages ALL OVER the shop, look! "have people talking about him at work. I felt too exposed to someone I was trying to move on from." That was a very healthy, very sensible, very Survivor-ilke decision. Well done. "Now I want to say he was good to me, no one is perfect but he treated me well." Me, I just wonder why anyone who knew they were off on X date would WANT to start anything with anyone! An intelligent, decent bloke wouldn't. He wouldn't want a woman - OR HIMSELF - to get into a position where one could too easily get hurt as well, not to make things unnecessarily complicated and over-emotional for no good reason. A cad who wanted sex-on-tap would, though. "i think this helped in making it easy as well as difficult?if that makes sense" Yes, of course. I think everyone here's done No Contact. "But anyways," BUT ANYWAYS. Here we go. He wouldn't stay down. Not even peeked and I just know that's what's coming. THEY don't want you (bar another fan on their Fakebook account headcount whom maybe they can sh*g again when they visit)... "our goodbye was a little weird. It was awkward both ways, we never really talked after that day except for the one drunken time I tried to call him. He checked if everything was fine the next day and that was about it. ( this was before removing him off my social media)" Got it. "But anyways he’s friends with a few people from work." Oh, great. AND HE KNEW THAT BEFORE HE STARTED UP WITH YOU. Wasn't that a consideration as far as he was concerned? What - not at all protective over and responsible for women? What happened to THAT programme, then? Got broken, did it? Or was he just reared badly? "Specifically these two ladies," OH - LADIES. Yes, of course, Ladies. Bet he slept with them as well. "he speaks to them almost every day." OH! NOT YET, HE HASN'T. Saving them/keeping them warm for later. He's going to be coming back for visits, isn't he. "He’s spoken to them almost every day, with me? not even once never tried to reach out at all . Which is fine, I can’t help but think about it though." That's wny you didn't make the grade, PearBear: YOU THINK. You'd have seen through him too soon. Well, look - you already are! (And so am I.) "I was better off just being his friend really 😂" 'Neither' is the true answer. "No one at work knows we were involved with each other, not as far as I’m aware of anyways." Maybe you should enlighten the "two ladies". "One thing I found suspicious was the fact that he would watch what I was doing whilst on my phone, he would then ask me about what he’s just seen, is that weird ?" Huh? Can you say that again another way? And go into detail? E.g. what about what he'd just seen? So far - yes, it does sound weird. However, the one thing I find suspicious is HIM. AND EVERYTHING ABOUT HIM.

Unrequited love?

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Put simply: he thought he'd heated you up so incredibly - via HIS over-intimacy (as had no place in that 'arrangement') - that you'd sit quietly until it was your turn again. Only, your phonecall showed you were not stupid and desperate enough to join his secret harem (google Narcissistic Sociopath - Harem). Voila. Thank your lucky stars. But you might want to get an STD check, just to be sure-sure-sure.

Unrequited love?

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Sorry, I didn't finish my sentance: "THEY don't want you (bar another fan on their Fakebook account headcount whom maybe they can sh*g again when they visit)..." But they definitely don't want you not wanting and hankering (and chasing) after THEM. You'd have chewed his lying a*se up and spat him out, you would. He knew it. He may be trying to hurt and taunt you to seriously erode your confidence (he knows you know he's RL talking to her and her but not you), sass and spidey senses, though, until you accept the random crumbs in that harem. (Of course it wouldn't work on you - he's just over-arrogant.) He smacks of a narcissistic player to me at the very least.

Unrequited love?

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Hii 🩷 So sorry for the late reply. I have to say I’m so glad I got you to respond ! You have given me the reassurance I really needed, I knew something was off. Thank you for taking the time I don’t know if I mentioned this but I was the one who asked him out first. Before that tho, this man went and got me lunch one time, he got me two options for my main because he didn’t know what I liked, he got me a bunch of snacks and 2 drinks, he accommodated to all my allergies and I have plenty. All because I didn’t want to walk in the rain. This was at work btw so everyone was suspicious, they thought something was going on between us (at the time nothing was happening). We were talking about this on our first date and he said people thought we were flirting but “it wasn’t like that” mhmmm weird. I just thought it was worth mentioning because really? In that moment it felt really shitty to hear because it felt like I was in this thing alone rather than it being an unspoken thing between us ****** Uh-oh... Are you saying, HE was very intimate towards you? He really wasss, I once complained I couldn’t get my glasses clean enough he went and got me a whole box of glass wipes. He made it out to be nothing and said he got it for us. He’d make me breakfast etc,I know it’s little things but those moments felt very relationshipy PHYSICALLY?? It’s the most intimate I’ve felt with anyone.I’m talking intense eye contact, kissing my finger when I burnt it.He gets night terrors, I comforted him when it happened once, only for him to spoon me back to sleep. That moment felt very intimate to me, I stayed for a moment but I pulled myself away after a while. How else am I supposed to take all that honestly. He never verbally expressed anything to me though. ***** A tryst. A brief 'affair'. Friends With Benefits. Which would you pick? It was a tryst brief affair for sure. We had benefits but we certainly weren’t friends. Another reason it didn’t make sense to keep him in my life. What would he be to me? ***** But you SHOULD have known. Normally, a woman would. Because the man would continue to make it clear, he wouldm't want the woman falling for him, he wouldn't want that weight on his shoulders nor to feel like a selfish cad. So this makes it a case of, left without Closure. But then we add - Avoidably so. So it's a Witholding of Closure. He once hit me with the “ I hope you don’t end up falling in love with me “ line. I think he wanted me to love him he said it jokingly but that was no joke 😂 I told him “It would never happen because I adjusted myself to the situation, I know my place” The only time he came close to making it clear again was when we were thinking of going away for the weekend and he thought I was talking about him staying and not going to Australia. He strongly and defensively clarified he NEVER said that 😂😂 You’re right though the closure didn’t feel like closure. It was weird. ******* What - and he didn't even say Hi to you? So he wanted a complete cut-off? Had he said so? I'll answer that for you: No. So why didn't he remove you? Contradictions and mixed messages ALL OVER the shop, look! He had me swimming, back paddling in mixed signals!! But yes after that day we said our goodbye he never spoke to me again.He never tried to reach out. I did tho, 3 weeks after he left I checked on him. Thank God it didn’t go through ( don’t even ask, let’s just say new sim, new country? and call it a day. Even tho it was on what’s app👀) I suspect he didn’t remove me off social media because he wanted ME to do it for him because he’s the nice guy after all. Like when he asked me jokingly who will be the next guy I’ll be involved with from the office, and I said I hadn’t decided yet. Asked him the same question and he didn’t want to be disrespectful towards me by answering… I can’t even finish that sentence the wormhole just gets deeper and deeperrr the point is the contradictions were plenty. He told me who he thought was attractive in the office several times but when I ask the same question he just asked me that’s where he draws the line and refuses to talk about another woman to me He’s a funny guy really 😂 ***** That was a very healthy, very sensible, very Survivor-ilke decision. Well done. Thank you that really means a lot, I’m still very happy with my decision ***** Me, I just wonder why anyone who knew they were off on X date would WANT to start anything with anyone! An intelligent, decent bloke wouldn't. He wouldn't want a woman - OR HIMSELF - to get into a position where one could too easily get hurt as well, not to make things unnecessarily complicated and over-emotional for no good reason. He definitely just wanted sex on tap that much is clear now ( I guess I was just hopinggg things would work out differently), he practically admitted at our goodbye coffee which was at some out of the way pub, he gave me some weird excuse why he chose it but I didn’t even listen honestly. Not mention previously I did ask him if he even likes me or if it’s just the sex he said “ I do like you, but I also like having sex with you “ swoon 🙄 **** I’m so sorry this is long I’ll completely understand if you can’t finish it all. This is a NOVEL. ***** OH - LADIES. Yes, of course, Ladies. Bet he slept with them as well. "he speaks to them almost every day." OH! NOT YET, HE HASN'T. Saving them/keeping them warm for later. SOOO the LADIES. where to begin: It might be might not be worth noting he is 28, I’m 24, lady 1 is in her 40s I think, lady 2 is 27. I think he’s actually close to lady 1, he could also want her in that way idk. Lady 2 is fully in love with him completely and he knows that. But he isn’t attracted to her ( I believe him) but the thing is he doessss things I suspect, even if it’s just the little comments or whatever he keeps her hooked. I think you’re right about him being arrogant, he definitely thought I was beneath him. he likes his ego stroked and he likes knowing she likes him On a work chat he said those two were his favourites and I jokingly messaged him saying woow I’m not even in the top 3 he said I was in my own special league or something. Yeah as your concubine ***** "No one at work knows we were involved with each other, not as far as I’m aware of anyways." Maybe you should enlighten the "two ladies". I’ve been thinking about this, I want to do it I can’t explain why I don’t really know but I actually don’t want to keep it a secret. I don’t want to just blurt it out though, I want it to come out organically haha and maybe not from me. I’d love it if it spread as gossip or something. I don’t want it to be me telling😂 ***** Huh? Can you say that again another way? And go into detail? E.g. what about what he'd just seen? We would be in bed watching tv and I’d just be scrolling and he’d literally be watching over my shoulder. For example I was on my phone texting my mum, he then goes you haven’t message your mum since X. Only then would I realise he’s been watching what I was doing on my phone and I thought it was weird. There was a time my phone kept ringing he like asked me who keeps calling me - our arrangement does not permit such personal personal questions thank you ( it was just my brother calling) or when I was on my phone constantly at work he once tried to playfully snatch my phone away. He stopped instantly though. Idk I read into everything if it feels funny to me. It’s probably nothing. ***** You'd have chewed his lying a*se up and spat him out, you would. He knew it. He may be trying to hurt and taunt you to seriously erode your confidence (he knows you know he's RL talking to her and her but not you), sass and spidey senses, though, until you accept the random crumbs in that harem. (Of course it wouldn't work on you - he's just over-arrogant.) I’ll read this paragraph over and over again forever,it makes me feel really good about myself because you’re right he did start eating at my confidence so knowing even though I was losing my confidence I still handled in a way I can be proud of just makes all the uncertainty he caused in me feel void in such a good way. Why was he trying to take away my confidence though because he really tried it! I’ve been getting updates about him from everyone around me, I never give anything away though when they’re talking about him. It’s just another conversation. He’s apparently posting loads of thirst traps now apparently a lot of shirtless pics, vids of him in the gym showing off his arms 😂😂 the only one I’ve seen is the arm video.i just laughed tbh I hope it’s not too late to reply, Thanks again! Bear

Unrequited love?

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A lot of very rich material in there! I'm saving this for tomorrow so I can be thorough. BTW, you're very welcome, but you obviously haven't seen Manalone's responses since he returned, recently. SH*T-hot, straight to the heart of the matter and straight on from there to the truth - bish, bash, bosh, in-one. I can't do that. I talk too much, LOL. I don't mind, though (haha). So you wanted "the gas-bag", rather than "the sum-up kid", then, yeh? :D PS: Do me a huge but easy favour? For how long were you lurking and reading before you made the jump and posted your prob? (Assuming this is your first thread on here?) And how nervous to post were you, out of 10? Hasta Manana!

Unrequited love?

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Oh gosh I feel terrible!! I’m so sorry I genuinely thought it was an automated response! I appreciate manalone’s response but I talk too much too haha I like to get into it properly. Much love tho I don’t want the gas bag necessarily🤣🤣 I just like talking about everythingggg that’s been on my chest you know ? And when you speak to yourself sometimes I can’t tell if it’s a realistic perception or if I’m just lying to myself. It’s nice to be validated but honesty ALWAYS:) I read it quite a few times I’ll be real, I wanted it to make sense it’s my chance to talk about it i don’t want spelling mistakes getting in way, idk how long it took me but I did it before bed, it was very therapeutic actually 😂. I wasn’t nervous tho and yes this is my first thread Take your time replying I know it’s a lot and I hope it makes sense

Unrequited love?

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Cheers for that - I'll read it in a minute! PS: Is this 'tomorrow'? Hah, I don't even know any more! Sorry if I'm late again... _____________________________________________ Hii 🩷 Hi back! (What's that box thing supposed to be/mean? It's too tiny - I can't make it out.) "So sorry for the late reply. I have to say I’m so glad I got you to respond ! You have given me the reassurance I really needed, I knew something was off. Thank you for taking the time" Don't be daft, this is your thread and you post when you can and want. It's not like I could complain even if I felt like it, which I don't. I'm like the bloody White Rabbit these days, since I moved here to Spain (which is no longer like it's pre-Brexit self)...disorganised and ridiculously slow-moving isn't the word...In my head, i've re-named it 'Pain' because in with the genuine delays, are those just taking advantage of the situaton and pretending to ne busy (so that they can be lazy or neglectful). _____________ "I don’t know if I mentioned this but I was the one who asked him out first." Still not reading ahead but I'm going to bet: OH, NO YOU WEREN'T. You were MANIPULATED EMOTIONALLY to. To feel like it was the most natural NEXT step to take - either due or OVER-due - that gender was not material in this unique instance wherein the unspoken onus had neen placed on YOU (awww, he's shy/nervous, all that faked crap). And as a responsibility-taking person - that, you did. (Aim, Fire, Bullseye.) Or they play it so that you are convinced it's all your idea, and why shouldn't you (feminism), AND that there's no risk of getting turned-down, AND you're not serious anyway, just looking to have something light and casual, blah-blah-blah. (Yeah. With a Normal. With a Narc - NOT POSSIBLE.) Whatever. They're like snake-charmers to us (to our psychological programmes). Hence why labelled Emotionally Dangerous Men (or Women). They can eventually make you feel so damn unimportant to them and everyone, 'all-of-a-sudden' and more/worse...drive you to suicide. (It's male victims at the hands of female Narc-Spaths that tend to commit it, interestingly and revealingly.) But anyway. Point is (say it like a panto audience), OHHHH NOO YOOOU DIDN'T! And I will stand stubbornly by that because it's an established (NPD) FACT. From Hello, you have no power. No responsibility. None. Just like the Slave you are 'hired' as (faked love for lackeying and being their Toxins-puking Toilet). For example: See how he manipulated the situation including secondarily manipulating all the office people? Due to the fact he deliberately left you without closure (are we over or not?...and why?)...you didn't KNOW if you could tell on him, or whether that would prove a Dealbreaker to him and get you instantly Discarded for-real. You were left PARALYSED, mentally. So HE gets to chat-up your colleagues - whilst (he thinks) keeping you as a back-up source of Supply (- something to do/admiration over the phone, shags whenever he visits, probably money this time). Happened to me. Happens to all victims. So no. And google it if you want. But you were NOT the one who asked HIM out. You just did his job FOR him. Put YOUR ego on the line to save poor, timid/professonally-respectful his. So he must, therefore, have spotted that you had a HEALTHY ego (which logically means - a Giver for their Take-Taker...which is what they're looking for above all else). He chose you - Luxury Goods - and probably got a HUGE kick out of the fact that, yet, he had even managed to make LUXURY COME TO HIM (- relational Scum)! So they're USING YOU to boost their ego as well as guarantee it's protection, right from The Off. They ARE Manipulation. On Legs. Got it? He got you to ask him out. He got you to do his job. To be the braver one (and fyi, on the whole, men *are* supposed to be braver - it's their greater Testosterone). (But do Google it, you'll see.) "Negging" is another one that Narc-Spaths in purely Covert/hunting mode do. But, done FAR more subtly than that: Behaviourally: pick the top-shelf woman/man (as per whatever attributes THEY deem attractive, not like what attracts Normal-Healthies who are genuinely seeking a lifelong mate) by INSULTING her, KNOWING that she's not accustomed to it and thereby, it feels different, refreshing...she is INTRIGUED, enough not to say what normally she'd say: Eff off, creep or preferably, more ladylikely . 'Sorry, I have a boyfriend'. Or for a reeeally subtle counter-dig, adding - "...and he's a lovely one" - the super-subtle inference being: ", unlike YOU (ugh)". . Intrigue...curiosity...is enough to hook you into the game...the cycle of narc abuse, the merry-go-round from Hell. Any normal need: friend, boss, steady beau, ...just a bit of sodding BANTER for that one evening ONLY. Psychologically speaking: Any hole...they stick a giant hook in. And it's laced with a mild dose of Rohipnol. Suddenly you're doing and saying things that normally are out-of-character. Agreeing to see them again and nuh-nuh.nuh-nuh-nuh... Normal-healthies who've never in their lives had to tolerate and get used to abuse to the point of thinking it a normal part-and-parcel of having any type of relatoniship with any human-being once they start to relax with you - they take one look and think "EW...GOD, NO...UGH" and get away quick. They can FEEL he's too much of a nutter. They don't have you frame-of-reference. Just 1 minute of being in his forcefield impacts them FAR harder than you who is used to it. The Narc-Spath FREAKS THEM OUT. It doesn't make them immune to a far subtler, milder version - the plain Covert - regrettably...which gets them used to it and more so until - ta-da - THEN they get targetted by the Narc-Spath (bigger means even lazier...they want you moreover still-primed for abuse). (So that's how even slime-unaccustomed Normal-Healthies can get sucked in, especially if they're in a bad place at the time.) Sorry, I'm waffling, I'm in stream-of-consciousness mode. ___________ "Before that tho, this man went and got me lunch one time, he got me two options for my main because he didn’t know what I liked, he got me a bunch of snacks and 2 drinks, he accommodated to all my allergies and I have plenty. All because I didn’t want to walk in the rain. This was at work btw so everyone was suspicious, they thought something was going on between us (at the time nothing was happening). We were talking about this on our first date and he said people thought we were flirting but “it wasn’t like that” mhmmm weird. I just thought it was worth mentioning because really?" HAHA - GIMMIE A MEDAL! He *absolutely* lured you (with thoughtfulness and even favours..drip-drip-drip) to ask HIM out because it was time SOMEONE did and so YOU DID (aided by the fact you're used to neing his Slight Senior) (despite he clearly doesn't/isn't wired to agree). AND NOW LOOK. YOUR WHOLE OFFICE WITNESSED ALL OF THIS AND THEY TOO CONCLUDED YOU TWO MUST BE GETTING IT TOGETHER ROMANTICALLY! ENOUGH TO ACTUALLY OPEN THEIR MOUTHS AND TALK ABOUT IT! You ALL thought he was interested in you, romantically. Sexually too, of course. But AFTER romantically. Because of all those Lover-type errands and gestures. So in future, beware out-of-kilter favours for you and favouritism. Either because it's premature OR surprising for too long having never been a part of how you would interact before. With some, particularly for divorcees it's offering to do DIY (or ironing/cooking...) Or put it this way: Be cautious and 'don your White coat' if you feel yourself falling for a guy that has mainly been doing barely anything but lots of little BUT THOUGHTFUL (usually) things for you that they can tell you find a drag. It's getting you dependent on them AND they know it'll work as wooing. ****AFTER ALL: WHAT WAS WRONG WITH THIS (the normal thing): "Was wondering if you'd like to join me for lunch in Lorenzo's on Thursday, or for a drink after work?" You can even be a BIT cocky (tongue-in-cheek) to make it less Awks, e.g. "BECAUSE you're my favourite-favourite in the office, I was wondering...". Instead, he was VAGUE. Not vague enough NOT to get the message. Just too confusing to PINPOINT. So he went, 'Made you a cuppa......I'll get your sandwich for you.....Oh, I'll file that for you, you're tired, I can tell...' all that super-considerate person stuff. USING all that stuff. ABUSING, in fact! Spoiling it for the genuinely interesteds who GENIUNELY are acting naturally (but not rushing you, not putting any time-pressure on you - note that bit). He Woo-ed You using emotionally-manipulated tactics that mimicked normal bloke-normal situation mating/pairing-up behaviour, which you AND EVERYONE thus took as situation normal: bloke interested in her. (*Gavel bangs on desk*!) So now, please, with my compliments, accept this truth RIGHT NOW - that it was only LOGICAL AND NATURAL for you to DO THE ASKING-OUT *FOR HIM*. It's called, Making The Mountain Come To Mohammad. Re-play the tapes in your memory and tell me that doesn't now fit like a glove with what and how's happened...make sense of so much else, to-boot. Actually, though, I don't need a medal. That wasn't so hard to analyse/ID. They all (of his type) do it. I've seen it and had it done. One ex-Narc (straight Covert), during early dating, even bought me a salad-bowl..."cos he thought I'd like it". And gave it to me despite, he told me, his colleague had said it wasn't appropriate (because we weren't an old, married couple). (Plus, it was an unwanted freebie, actually.) But it's the thought that counts, isn't it...plus I DID like it (I prefer useful presents). But it (usually) shows that they were thinking about you at random times (...usually). COURSE this broken type aka Social Predator-Parasite is thinking of you and ways to lure you. You're their LUNCH! Or with a Spath - their breakfast and lunch as well! And not just for today! For YEARS if they (can or direly need to be arsed to) play their cards right. They tear a chunk....let it grow back...meanwhile tearing off another chunk....then tear off one that's just re-grown....on and on. Eventually, nothing of you grows back and you're a shadow of your former self and have to stay RIGHT AWAY so that finally your mind will see that there is a survivalist PURPOSE to instructing your body to grow that missing chunk back once more, and that it'll be the last needed replacement part, meaning, this final replacement part will in good faith be built better than the previous part... If you took a chunk out of HIM, it would not grow back. Or alternatively, there wouldn't be a chunk where there should be and you'd just crack your teeth biting on thin air. But you don't know all of this at the time. Psychatric illnesses and conditons, don't usually find their way into your usual, years-learned Human Manual & Script so you obviously receive it in good faith and good nature and feel TOUCHED. "Awwww, isn't he sweeeet" and "Oh, he really likes me!" (gate for taking two steps likewise forward now open). Even IF it's just a salad-bowl (or (usually fake) diamond watch if to them you're a big enough, whole-package Catch!). So...see now how they're not thinking of you like a NORMAL-HEALTHY guy falling in.love thinks about you all the time? The Narc/Narc-Spath is COPYING - to award-winning Actor level, merely through over-repetition of that one role - all the things that a lovely normal-healthy guy does (TO YOUR TYPE) when he feels loving feelings towards you. You're doing things under your own radar as usual because the overwhelming majority of the time (SO FAR!), things tend TO be usual. .....Until suddenly, or one day, they're not. It's a lottery whether you bump into and get lured/sucked into a relationship with one (or WHEN one might suddenly newly turn their attention/crosshairs onto you). And that's that. The STATE you're in at the time...well... that either hinders or helps along their takeover campaign....depends on whether they're feeling cocky enough for a challenge. (Honestly...if their ego gets well fed, it balloons ridiculously too much and they think they're literally the sodding Joker or Lex Luther! They have to get control over your MONEY, IMO, to get you TRULY incarcerated and unable to ever leave Abusive-Them. So never mix finances, even at restaurant-bill level, with them.) I'm waffling again, I can feel it. But my point is: YOU DODGED A MASSIVE BULLET. And all you had to do to get rid of that scumbum was to show him that you are NOT a WICKLE HELPWESS WOMAN, too polite and/or too scared to just RING the mountain to demand your right to know: "WHAT'S GOING ON, HERE, WHAT ARE YOU PLAYING AT?" NO, I AM NOT GOING TO SIT IN THE DARK UNTIL YOU DECIDE TO CLEAR MY CONFUSION. ACT LIKE A PIGGING MAN. Doesn't even matter if you cried - the action and the behavioural-demand in-motion is what counts and told him all he needed to know. That's what you did. You made one of your rightful demands. You're not "I'm unworthy" enough. You're proud of yourself and know your worth (gold star!). So that was an off-putter for a Narc. Plus you did this: If you are still wanting to be my boyfriend - and why wouldn't you after all that ruddy effort for so long! - then I expect a boyfriend to do what all normal boyfriends to do - which is This! You demanded Integrity: "What goes up, must come down" and "If I say it or act it, I mean it (and mean it proportionate to the weight plus frequently of my acts plus behaviour"). He can't. He doesn't have the wiring thus the interest or motivation. That's just a huge drag. Plus, HE WOULDN'T BE ABLE TO HELP BUT EXPOSE HIMSELF TO YOU through his inabilities to do/think like a normal, sane, LOVING, man! And then, you'd know what he was. (Or, rather, wasn't. But was pretending, for free, convenient BUT YET First-Class Sex rather than the otherwise usual 2-star belonging TO an elongated one-night stand with a new woman.) It's a shame they aren't purple skinned and quack like a duck so that, on sight, we could (ha) just duck down an alley, but...that's life for ya. Note: every extra evidence you've given me has been nothing but consistently further-damning. I'm at: how could he NOT be a Narc or just uselessly, uselessly over-narcissist-IC, even? I'm with Nav. He's just a false impression on-legs, and whom has pathologically-delueded himself he likes it that way and isn't he so effing clever, being able to TRICK women and "thereby prove" that they are all just as weak as they ever were! Ugh. (They're all opposite-sex-haters.) I hope his phee-phoo falls off. :p Which, the rate he's going, it probably will. _____________________ But back to the rest of the details (which I'll do on the next page, make it easier to read)...

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As for this bit, specifically: "(This was at work btw so everyone was suspicious, they thought something was going on between us (at the time nothing was happening). We were talking about this on our first date and he said people thought we were flirting but “it wasn’t like that” mhmmm weird. I just thought it was worth mentioning because really?" Correct. "Really?" It didn't fit. It was a deliberate lie on top of a whole, deliberately deceitful, campaign of fake wooing, in order to get 5-star-loving-style and grade of sex. Effing good sex. Basically. And a source that, if he failed to clearly end it, he might be able to hook up with again in the future (even if for you, it's just to sneakily try to finally get answers and know precisely where you stand. I bet those other female colleagues each think one of them are in with a chance. A chance at what, though. getting to unwittingly be someone's free, top-class, long-term prostittute? Trouble is, if you tell them straight, they might put it down to sour grapes on your part, just because he hadn't fallen for you too and "things didn't work out". No. But he pretended he was falling too, having first encouraged you in deeper than you'd wanted originally to go, and that's the point. ALL of that just to make you bust a gut in bed. Isn't that just MAD?

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But then, with that phonecall, you showed him you expected him to actually DELIVER. But note that he did check-up the next day? But just the once and then nothing further. THAT way, you can't strictly say he was an uncaring, ungentlemanly git. But really, if you think it through - if you're only going to check-up the ONCE, then why bother at all? Answer: just the lift of one finger ensures he looks nice and caring (normal). But as I say - HE knows that YOU'D be aware he were chatting/flirting with your colleagues each time. So IF this has the drip-drip insulting and confidence-reducing effect of getting you to decide (out of frustraton turned into desperation: I HAVE TO KNOW!) to drop your pride and dignity and be welcoming, next time he does/might approach - great...that's a handy side-bonus of chatting them up. My suggestion - and what I would do - is this. At work. Walk past them as they were ono the phone to him and interrupt with a quiet: "Ooh, can you ask him to get my sandwich?". JUST to remind them, and to intone that it was a woman-using PLOY. Or another: "Oh, so it's one of you's turn, is it?'. Both should be said softly, dryly, cynically, as in, "Hah! (what a crock!, you're not falling for it too, are you)" in short-hand. I mean - what's he doing, still phoning ex work colleagues if he's moved country? What does he think other people think? Friends, yes. Colleagues? No. Maybe for a month tops? why hasn't he moved on if he's moved on? How long has he even been gone?

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"In that moment it felt really shitty to hear because it felt like I was in this thing alone rather than it being an unspoken thing between us" Yup. That is behavioural Negging. It WAS an unspoken thing between you. But it was all faked on his part, Isn't that just so tacky? If I were you and I bumped into him any time soon, I'd just walk straight past, saying not-quite-under-my-breath, "Slut". I don't use words like that normally. But I do on his type. I call a spade a spade, me, and being a slut is NOT gender-exclusive. AC-tually.

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Early-dating, conversational snippet between myself and a narcs... It was my birthday but was far too early-on into dating for him to be buying me a birthday present per se. I thought that had ben made clear by the fact I'd only sent him a Happy Birthday text a couple of months prior. That was all I expected back for our "first birthdays". What I got was some big youtube stills-gallery style video by email, featuring mushy statements about how crazy over me he was. At that point, I thought I was just humouring his over-dramatising ways. And it was rather beautiful. Although, it did hit me that it was lazy, getting a poet to express your sentiments so that you don't have to or have to be bothered. But I played along (because that was pithy evidence in the face of all the faked loveliness thus far): Oh, how lovely...you shouldn't have.... However...Next, he was confessing to me about me how he had very nearly MISSED my birthday, because he'd not had time. (You don't HAVE time, you MAKE time.). What was the bloody point in telling me THAT? What GOOD could it achieve? Answer: Nothing. Not supposed to. It was a Negging attempt. NPD Malignant, Covert-style. They giveth at the same time as takingeth away. So a gift becomes an insult. Although you're not quite sure enough. I did act on it though...took some steps back. But that didn't help. Trust me. They have Supaglue on their palms. Even just shake their hand once and you're now they're captive property! Psychologically, obvs. Dodged a bullet, oh, yeah, baby. Somebody up there must really like you. :)

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"PHYSICALLY?? It’s the most intimate I’ve felt with anyone.I’m talking intense eye contact, kissing my finger when I burnt it.He gets night terrors, I comforted him when it happened once, only for him to spoon me back to sleep. That moment felt very intimate to me, I stayed for a moment but I pulled myself away after a while. How else am I supposed to take all that honestly. He never verbally expressed anything to me though." FFS...kissing your finger. And the intense eye-contact, like you wouldn't feel a need to do with someone semi-casual. Yep. ACTING LIKE A MAN WHO CARES DEEPLY FOR YOU TO A DEPTH THAT WOULD MAKE HIM ENDING THE RELATIONSHIP WHEN HE WENT AWAY, RATHER THAN GO LONG-DISTANCE, *IMPOSSIBLE*, without HIS getting massively injured, TOO. Yep. YEP. All too familiar... PFF. I'll bet you anything you like, his so-called Night Terrors are yet another act! "Oh, he's just a poor, vulnerable little bunny-wabbit!". So you're at child-bearing age, then, yes?....since he's tried to appeal to your strong urge to become a mum and meanwhile, he'd do great as a practise-dolly? (Trust me, that IS all he'd be useful for...if you were planning on birthing Chucky, haha!). Basically manipulating your raring-to-go mothering instinct. (Creep.) Reading so far - how could a woman NOT think he'd fallen for him, him doing all of THAT! You're just normal. HE is the weird one.

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It's all showing itself to be a case of - What went up, never came down. Despite an awful lot (in terms of weight/intensity) went Up! And that's not right, not normal, not how the world and nature works. Something serious is up with the person. He was OILING you. Basically. It makes the sex better, makes you GIVE more, AND he finds that whole production-directing, FUN and SATISFYING to his puny little constantly-hungry ego.

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"HAHA - GIMMIE A MEDAL! He *absolutely* lured you (with thoughtfulness and even favours..drip-drip-drip) to ask HIM out because it was time SOMEONE did and so YOU DID (aided by the fact you're used to neing his Slight Senior) (despite he clearly doesn't/isn't wired to agree). " Crikey - sorry - for a minute there I got your story mixed-up with another, very similar thread (have you read it? She and he work together. And she's slightly senior.) I do beg your pardon.

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The rest of it stands, though. Just not the slightly senior bit. Oh, and then there's this! I recognise THIS one 'out in the field' as well: "He made it out to be nothing and said he got it for us" US. (Sorry - WHO???) (And what's your name again???) Mate...I think he did originally want you as a very long-term Partner Of Convenience come private prostitute. That one is a LONG-TERM hook...an early one. I got similar - after the first kiss (second date I think it was). Words as we separated, me ready to climb into my car: "Oooh...We won't sleep tonight, now' (trying to say it'd been a killer kiss). It hit me - as I imagine it hit you. But I was annoyed (I'm older and more experienced than you, don't forget...plus know too much). I thought - "WE? What do you mean WE? This is only our second bloody date! Ew...that's bloody pres7umptuous and a liberty-take, isn't it?!". Yep, it sure was. WE.... US..... PRRRRRRRRRRRRRTH....! What a nasty, user-banker.

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THUS far, I would put it this way to you, I seriously would. How he deliberately behaved - including these easily-missable subtleties (until hindsight) - had you NOT taken the very heavy hinting the way it DOES mean (usually), I would have have had to have concluded you were a sandwich short of a picnic. Seriously. What I now want to know - typed with a big fat grin on my face - is what you SAID to him that night as showed him you were not a "Doormat" - far from it! Don't know if you've done that already, if you have, obvs ignore this. Haha. You bad bad little Slave, you....BAAAAD Slave! You got fired by one of Beelzebub's own, hahaha. You're too brave and straight and healthy and self-assured and-and. And that is SO unattractive to manipulators. :D You can now say what I always say: Nah. I don't date Narcs any more. They can't stand me. Plus if they try to trap me, I just head-uck them by surprising them, and throwing them RIGHT off-script. And then I laugh. You TOOK CONTROL from him, you see. How very dare you. Go stand in the corner, possibly forever! HAHAHAHAHA! Leave it. I can't WAIT until he comes home for a visit and calls you up. And you say something like, 'Er....OH, YES - YOU - HI!' (You could ne subtly insulting too, huh. You just don't normally expect ever to have to, huh.)

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And this bit: "He gets night terrors, I comforted him when it happened once, only for him to spoon me back to sleep. That moment felt very intimate to me, I stayed for a moment but I pulled myself away after a while. How else am I supposed to take all that honestly. He never verbally expressed anything to me though." He wasn't asleep whe you pulled away. Or he awoke. And your action said all of the following, from various parts of your mind...a chorus if you like: Too much closeness Feels inappropriate somehow I don't wanna be THAT close to a partner that I have to cuddle all night, I wanna sleep on my back/left/right, how I normally sleep. Plus you're making me too hot. Why do YOU want to? I DON'T love you already. It's too soon. My mind's making me hold back on hehaving like we've been together for years. Not sure if I WANT to start a relationship with a guy who has psycholgoical problems to point of Night Terrors, actually... I'd prefer a healthy, WORKING model - which you're supposed to be, you've got to be QUALIFIED to offer yourself as someone's lover/partner. If you're in that much of a state, why do you even FEEL like dating. Hmm...would this more usually be a scene featuring a mum and her young son who's afraid of the dark? **Something's up here! ** (Unless - how old is he? So what you MEANT was - that moent felt OVERLY intimate to you. Yeah, well, he faked the night terrors bit. He must have sensed he was starting to lose you and your credibility. You did NOT act according to the script for that female, daytime soap drama, co-star. You were supposed to SWOON and cry and all of that. He was offering you a fantasy (which he wouldn't have delivered on, bar a too-short time at first). Fantasy for a safe, free, warm, high-grade-oiled, 'place to put it'. Uh-oh...it's just occurred to me: Because of you - HE'S FAILED! That'll be why the current Silent Treatment combined with flaunting his charms in front of you to OTHER women. Trying to teach you who's boss. (What planet are they on, eh? - and more to the point, what YEAR?!) (they all seem to think they're Henry The Eighth!) Don't bite. This time round, he'll just want to get revenge on you...REALLY hurt you.

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What he was doing is called Future-Faking (comes under Lying, Deceiving, Emotionally-Manipulating, and Gaslighting) (and Megalomanaically Selfish, Self-Obsessed Sh*thead) (which is found listed only ih the DickShun-ary) (haha). Next bit worth focusing on: "It was a tryst brief affair for sure. We had benefits but we certainly weren’t friends. Another reason it didn’t make sense to keep him in my life. What would he be to me? " Was that how you'd been thinking and feeling just prior to his Bobby Ewing-style night-terrors production, by any chance? You got off lightly, missus. Sometimes they'll tell you they've got Cancer or something. NO Bounds. None. Not if the bound stands in the way of what they want and are after (AT your all-round expense). But anyway, the answer to your question would be: Basically, a human parasite and eventually, You-Destroyer, including your life and lifestyle. AND the rest. When I say bullet, I mean nuclear-bomb. He didn't waste any time in using the WE/US tactic! He was in a hurry. You must appreciate that you and other people, to a Narc, are like their Oxygen. They cannot live without attention, admiration, adoration,....constant ego stroking and feeding. It's EXHAUSTING. It literally can kill you in the end. If you don't escape (or in your case, get returned to the Doormat shop, hahahaha - love it. Well done for having done nothing but the logical thing - dared ask especially as it was right inside a precarious stage/situation intended to make you too cowed and confused to dare ask...IN CASE YOU RUINED IT. The It that didn't even exist, with the Whom that doesn't even exist. A character from a romantic drama. Well, if, growing-up, he has to learn how to behave like an emotionally and mentally sane person from the bloody TELLY, then, what the hell Hellish kind of NOT normal relationship did his parents have and demonstrate to him!? Makes you thunk, hih? (Doonerism speliberate.)

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"He once hit me with the “ I hope you don’t end up falling in love with me “ line." OH, PUH-YUKE! Oh, GOD, what a disgusting level of arrogance! Oh, GOD is he a giant one! But see again, the mixing of Overt (like that example) and Covert ("but it wasn't like that"...."Us") AND Vulnerable ("night terrors - whaah, mummy!). Listen, if a normal healthy bloke were suffering night terrors - sure, these days, his closest mates might know, but - his pride is about to let him admit that to YOU?! Normal-healthies want you IMPRESSED, not FEELING SORRY FOR THEM, DATING THEM OUT OF SODDING PITY! Note that, put it in your mouth, chew it well, and swallow it - and never forget it. If and for the entire time a decent bloke's in that much of a bad way, he simply DOESN'T DATE. He doesn't WANT to end up taking his problems out on you! He doesn't FEEL like dating! It's how dating is wired. It doesn't work if you don't do the usual recipe. IMPRESS HER. I'm not saying they exaggerate or make things up about themselves. They just present their good side and play down their not so good side until the programme tells their brain that signs abound to signify it's now time in the mating-dating programme to START DISCLOSING the fuller extent anything they think their partner might possibly find an actual problem dealing with, were he and you to continue bonding deeper. BECAUSE then it would have BECOME their business to know! It's called normal cautiousness, conscientiousness and common courtesy....A bit of bloody respect. "I think he wanted me to love him he said it jokingly but that was no joke 😂 I told him “It would never happen because I adjusted myself to the situation, I know my place” " Yep, he did, and now you know why. Plus - even SAYING it makes it no joke. It is not a topic in that situation and context for joking about. It's almost sacred, actually (think anout it). And next there's saying it *without meaning it*. Your response there, likewise, was far too non-Doormat-ish. "The only time he came close to making it clear again was when we were thinking of going away for the weekend" Going away for the weekend together? Again - who goes away for the weekend with someone who's supposed to be only a short-lived, casual thing?! " and he thought I was talking about him staying and not going to Australia. He strongly and defensively clarified he NEVER said that 😂😂" NOTED. "You’re right though the closure didn’t feel like closure. It was weird." Yuh. It was indeed. Because he's a weirdo. It's how it works, haha. Weird Is as Weird Does (and aims for). ______________ "What - and he didn't even say Hi to you? So he wanted a complete cut-off? Had he said so? I'll answer that for you: No. So why didn't he remove you? Contradictions and mixed messages ALL OVER the shop, look! He had me swimming, back paddling in mixed signals!! But yes after that day we said our goodbye he never spoke to me again.He never tried to reach out." Well put! And GOOD! Ah...I see we're on to the fateful conversation... "I did tho, 3 weeks after he left I checked on him. Thank God it didn’t go through ( don’t even ask, let’s just say new sim, new country? and call it a day. Even tho it was on what’s app👀)" Someone up there was trying to assist. Think about it - how non-normal a happening was that?...what were the chances? (Who do you think it could be?) "I suspect he didn’t remove me off social media because he wanted ME to do it for him because he’s the nice guy after all." YES! YOU'VE GOT IT! Clever stick ("thlup!" - gold star on your forehead) *GOOD*. A little song to celebrate: "She-can-see cleeeaarly nowww the raaaiiiin is-gooone.....She-can-see aaall ob-sta-cles in-her waaaaaaay.... Gone-are-the da-aark cloudsss that-had her-bliiind.....It's-gonnabe-a bright (BRIGHT!).....bri-hi-hiiight, bright sun-ny day-hay". (And Beyonce's "Survivor" of course) "Like when he asked me jokingly who will be the next guy I’ll be involved with from the office," PROJECTION! Go google Narcissistic Projection! That's a classic! "and I said I hadn’t decided yet." DID YOU? NO WAY! HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!! No WONDER he didn't dare take you on and has started operating (lazily) from deeper underground! Hahaha - that is beautiful! I had no idea you were this sassy! Talk about, surprised me. Love it! "Asked him the same question and he didn’t want to be disrespectful towards me by answering…" NO. He was stuck for anything to say because you'd grabbed his script and chucked it out the 6th floor window! Amazing. This is getting really entertaining - as a, "How to show a Narc your muscles", instruction booklet, way. (Do you want to be a resident poster?) "I can’t even finish that sentence the wormhole just gets deeper and deeperrr" Wormhole. Well put! Also known as Down The Rabbit Hole (Alice In Wonderland) (watch it - it's about Narcs and their victims (and how victims can end up)). "the point is the contradictions were plenty." Always are. Narc-spaths want you to HALF know, half not - equals not. In super-arrogant mode, they FLAUNT clues IN FRONT OF YOU. You decide it's too whacko so they must be joking or being silly/whatever. And they/he KNOWS that! "He told me who he thought was attractive in the office" GOOD GRIEF! You must have been WELL into this weird mystery by now!? What man would EVER do that and so heavily risk the woman saying, "You're horrible - in fact, you're anti-relationship - I'm off!" And what woman would stay except for she who is interested in psychology (or the weird types from her childhood) (both, usually). "several times" (SLAP, PUNCH, KICK) (don't mind me - just spitting out the toxins,...his toxins). "but when I ask the same question he just asked me that’s where he draws the line and refuses to talk about another woman to me" HAH! Just - HAH! He's not polished enough to be a lesser/straight Covert. I've changed my mind. He's in transiton. He's going from Covert via Covert Vulnerable and newly into Sociopath. An ANTI-social (and everything) Narc who uses Overt first, while the Covert stays...well - covert - and then when you're hooked to point of only painful return, then, along with the Overt, the Covert stuff starts going PEEK-A-BOO....PEEK-A-BOO.... more and more often. Until - who the uck ARE you - REALLY? - and what the hell did the first, NORMAL AND NICE bloke go?! "He’s a funny guy really 😂" Oh, good - you've got your sense of humour back. Right then! Let's have fun and spend time taking the witty piss out of him. It's SO cathartic and re-empowering - and I just love playing with words. Yupferit? ***** "That was a very healthy, very sensible, very Survivor-ilke decision. Well done. Thank you that really means a lot, I’m still very happy with my decision" Oh, yeah - no - I mean it: you are a truly crap unpaid subserviant Slave! You won. He lost. But don't be surprised, as I say, if next he tries even harder than he currently is ("I'm talking to them nut not to yooou, look, meh-meeeh, that'll teach you, b*tch!") to either get total domination over you or get parting revenge. Or both. He can NOT have the scoreboard looking like it does! His ego will not allow it! ...."OFF with her head!" Now then: am I quoting Henry The Eighth or The Queen Of Hearts?? (No prize...just for larks.) ***** ""Me, I just wonder why anyone who knew they were off on X date would WANT to start anything with anyone! An intelligent, decent bloke wouldn't. He wouldn't want a woman - OR HIMSELF - to get into a position where one could too easily get hurt as well, not to make things unnecessarily complicated and over-emotional for no good reason." "He definitely just wanted sex on tap that much is clear now ( I guess I was just hopinggg things would work out differently)," You mean, you were hoping the relationship was normal, including him? Well, that's what you're evolved/programmed to do, yes. I reckon had this been another, NORMAL guy in his situaton, you either wouldn't have got targetted in the first place or you would now be long-distance....possibly with a view to you moving to him and marrying. The POSSIBILITY would have been included, IOW. You just did Normal Person Doing Normal Relationship. YOU...are a viable partner. He on the other hand, is a ferrel human. Half-baked. Not all there. Lost of wild animal urges, attitudes and behaviours, though. Gorilla For Sale - any takers? You do feel sad and sorry for them, though - or, the little boys (and girls) with normal potential to have turned out very nice, actually. But then you don't, because you remember that THE MASTER/MISTRESS DETESTS BEING PITIED BY THEIR STAFF (SLAVES)! It angers them and makes them hate you even more. It only is acceptable when THEY decide to trick-out your pity, whenever they need it...to manipulate you by it. Anyhoo... "he practically admitted at our goodbye coffee which was at some out of the way pub," IN SOME OUT-OF-THE-WAY PUB? Is he married (or may as well be)?! "he gave me some weird excuse why he chose it but I didn’t even listen honestly. Not mention previously I did ask him if he even likes me or if it’s just the sex he said “ I do like you, but I also like having sex with you “ swoon 🙄"" That is a non-answer. He's answered Yes and No simultaneously. Making himself out to be verbally inept...tactless...Foot-in-mouth Disease... Sorry - HOW old is he? Eight? Or did he get to watch that episode? **** "I’m so sorry this is long I’ll completely understand if you can’t finish it all. This is a NOVEL." I'll have you know, it ISN'T. A novel is MUCH longer. I should know - I read them. HAHAHAHAHA! ***** ""OH - LADIES. Yes, of course, Ladies. Bet he slept with them as well." "he speaks to them almost every day." "OH! NOT YET, HE HASN'T. Saving them/keeping them warm for later." "SOOO the LADIES. where to begin: It might be might not be worth noting he is 28, I’m 24, lady 1 is in her 40s I think, lady 2 is 27." He's 28. Ya coulda fooled me?! Minus the 20 bit and then, yeah. Conversely, you're ahead of your paper age in terms of maturity and brains. (We're getting a really delightful quality of visitor lately, I have to say - yourself included! It's really nice. :)) "I think he’s actually close to lady 1, he could also want her in that way idk." Yeah ya do. "Lady 2 is fully in love with him completely and he knows that. But he isn’t attracted to her ( I believe him) but the thing is he doessss things I suspect, even if it’s just the little comments or whatever he keeps her hooked." 10 OUT OF 10 - top marks, well done. "I think you’re right about him being arrogant, he definitely thought I was beneath him." Yeah, they all do. Your only possible response, is this: HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! "he likes his ego stroked and he likes knowing she likes him" There we go. "On a work chat he said those two were his favourites" (Aw, uck-off you ridiculous little creep!) (him, obvs) Jeez. He is so up his own a*se, he may as WELL be Henry The Eighth (but without the formal/real-life kingly station, status and power bit. His only runs to: Ooo-oo-ooh. I can get a woman to not notice I'm cuckoo. And get her to go to bed with me. And have sex whenever I want (it's quite short-lived, usually, in fact) Do you know what I think? What with that pub bit of evidence -.... He's leaving the country because he's been told to go back to his own (last) country by his live-in gf who's had enough (for the moment) and it's her flat. Hence needing to take you away from his usual territory where she or someone she knew spotted he and you together and his persuading/manipulating-her-back campaign that he plans then went to pot. That's what I think. What do you think, now I've said that? Are we feeling another Ping? "("On a work chat he said those two were his favourites) and I jokingly messaged him saying woow I’m not even in the top 3 he said I was in my own special league or something. Yeah as your concubine" "Thlup!" :) What you've done is known as, Shoving the naughty puppy's nose in his own sh*t - or this case, mirror reflection (LOOK WHAT A PIG YOU ARE!). Nicely donnnnnnne! ***** ""No one at work knows we were involved with each other, not as far as I’m aware of anyways." "Maybe you should enlighten the "two ladies" "I’ve been thinking about this, I want to do it I can’t explain why I don’t really know but I actually don’t want to keep it a secret. I don’t want to just blurt it out though, I want it to come out organically haha and maybe not from me. I’d love it if it spread as gossip or something. I don’t want it to be me telling😂" I'll help you with that - gladly. That'll be next on the schedule. Note it down, too, please, Miss Sassy? :) ***** ""Huh? Can you say that again another way? And go into detail? E.g. what about what he'd just seen?" "We would be in bed watching tv and I’d just be scrolling and he’d literally be watching over my shoulder." Didn't you think to tell him to - oy! - stop being nosy, so over-entitled, so RUDE, so - oh, wait - found it: ANTI SODDING SOCIAL? (That's basically when it's offensively rude, so much so it puts you into shock and disbelief that anyone COULD behave that disgustingly.) "For example I was on my phone texting my mum, he then goes you haven’t message your mum since X." COERCIVE CONTROLLER ALERT! DARK TRAID, DEFINITELY! Edit: not bullet. Nor nuclear bomb. WORSE. Talk about Wolf In Sheep's Clothing, ye gods! Wow. You had a really close shave with a psycho-emotional abuser to point of serial slow-murderer. What is it REALLY that you have that he wants? Are you well-off? Do you own your own pad? What? What is it? "Only then would I realise he’s been watching what I was doing on my phone and I thought it was weird." Next time: if someone is being rude - do not be polite - as in, resrved and letting it go - back. You don't even have to speak. Just get up...hug/shield your phone like it's your baby...give the person a horrified and incredulous look...and walk swiftly out. If he has a good argument for WHY, he can come and find you and change your mind (with true reason, not word-salad). Innit. "There was a time my phone kept ringing he like asked me who keeps calling me" ((NONE OF YOUR UCKING BUSINESS - WTF?! WHO DO YOU THINK YOU *ARE*? MY DAD?!)) (- and there's what one of the early flags looks and sounds like...narc-spaths think they're your dad/superior). God. He must REALLY have been fakely sweet the rest of the time and good in bed. Jeez. He's disgusting and SO LAZY, he can't even give a polished, seam-free performance, even in the early stage,....ugh. This guy might even have turned into a hitter. Hate to tell you that, but, this place is BareTruthVille, Regardless Of Feelings or Anything, so I've gotta. He's so BASE and so full-on non-stop when you take into account both the above and below goings-on - AND so unpolished - that I genuinely reckon he'd eventually, once you were hooked, just go straight to smacking you in the face rather than be arsed to Gaslight you round. "- our arrangement does not permit such personal personal questions thank you ( it was just my brother calling) or when I was on my phone constantly at work he once tried to playfully snatch my phone away. He stopped instantly though. Idk I read into everything if it feels funny to me. It’s probably nothing." Fuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu-**ing Hell?!?!?!!! I'm speechless. Give me a minute. And no WAY are you reading anything in to anything - viewed through the right lens, the entire jigsaw puzzle - the real picture under the fake top one - is perfectly visible. No more self-doubt. I am not that free-and-easy with my sticky Gold stars. Start believing in yourself. You're wonderfully Narc-repelling. You should market yourself as a spray...make millions, haha. But - Christ! Now he thinks he's your brother! And that you and he are both under 13! Real, healthy, normal, decent young men don't behave like this. If they're with you it's because they like you. They wouldn't want to take such huge risks. BUT WE KNOW WHAT TYPE DOES, DON'T WE, CHILDREN (all together now) The Antisociiiiaaaals! The Narcissistic Sociopaaaath! He's not a normal, careful boyfriend AT ALL, is he. Oh, gross. ***** "You'd have chewed his lying a*se up and spat him out, you would. He knew it. He may be trying to hurt and taunt you to seriously erode your confidence (he knows you know he's RL talking to her and her but not you), sass and spidey senses, though, until you accept the random crumbs in that harem. (Of course it wouldn't work on you - he's just over-arrogant.) "I’ll read this paragraph over and over again forever,it makes me feel really good about myself because you’re right he did start eating at my confidence so knowing even though I was losing my confidence I still handled in a way I can be proud of just makes all the uncertainty he caused in me feel void in such a good way." Nearly! You didn't just handle it in a way, you handled it like an expert would have known to. So I'll ask you again: are you into psychology (or psychiatry)? You saw everything and felt everything yet still proceeeded so...and you're perfectly sassy. So that can be the only reason left, why you hung in there. Yeah? "Why was he trying to take away my confidence though because he really tried it!" Because without it, a person hasn't got what it takes to stand up properly and effectly for themself. Or at all (certainly inevitably-eventually, the longer you sit in their toxic air with them). You only dated him for a few months - and look at how head-spun you - you, who CAN still stay intelligent under-fire, compared to the average - ended up! Imagine being stuck-fast in that, year after year after year. Eventually, even YOU would go insane! Or die of ill health from trying-trying-trying to always mentally resist and untwist everything and-and-and... It's too much to ask, just to get to stay sane and/or physically well. His type, HIS level - he'd eventually give you Cancer. Maybe even Terminal. Because... You could have ended up MARRYING that. (You can scream bloody-curlingly now, LOL.) ""I’ve been getting updates about him from everyone around me, I never give anything away though when they’re talking about him." You see? That's instinctually the correct and cleverest thing to do. You clearly are able to continue thinking under even intense pressure (your brain finds incoming insane data very VERY stressful, even "life"-threatening, make no mistake!). What's your job btw? ""It’s just another conversation. He’s apparently posting loads of thirst traps now apparently a lot of shirtless pics, vids of him in the gym showing off his arms 😂😂 the only one I’ve seen is the arm video.i just laughed tbh" What are thirst traps? I know what shirtless means, though, haha. UGH. Creepy Poser. Same internal disgust as if he were mooning to-camera. Kid in grown-up suit for-sure. WHAT IS HIS REAL AGE, INSIDE THAT GROWN MAN SUIT? You say - you were there. "I hope it’s not too late to reply, Thanks again!" Agian - nope! Just conveniently and helpfully a bit late replying. Mind you - it was a lot to think about, wasn't it. "

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...Grabbing your phone. This amount of shocking chutzpah tends to evolve into this: He gets a dog and trains it to sit and guard the front door all day. You don't work. Because he won't let you. He nowadays won't even let you FART without permission. You don't know how you got from There to Here/Hell, you just know you did. But you can't even go near your front door to pop to the shops, even, without that dog growling menacingly at you and showing its teeth (and you know it *would*). What a wonderful future, huh. So NOW you know what size of bullet/bomb/nuclear warhead in terms of, ruining your life and health (and human hope). This wasn't funny. It can be NOW - because you're safe. You failed to fall into his mental clutches. Yep. I reckon his missus/partner had chucked him out of HER house so...and clearly he was in a hurry (hence too little finesse for the veteran tactics he uses)...because he didn't WANT to go back to from whence he'd come....so as the saying goes: No-one falls in-love faster than a (malignant) Narcissistic who needs a roof over their head. PS: Do you have proof he's even IN another country, that that whole story wasn't plain BS like virtually everything else? Now THERE'S a question for ya, Professori, eh!

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PS: I didn't get what you meant anout automated message, in your interim post? What - you thought Manalone was an automated response feature??? But he says Bloody, like me (he's Aus, I'm Brit. Virtually the same. Cousins.) Or were you just preoccupied with the mountains of A4 sheets in your detective's intray? I guess he is rather straight-up like that, yeah. _______________ Gosh, Mannie, aren't you coming over the top professional? People even taking you for AI this time round (...well, those that miss the Bloodies n stuff, haha-) Me, I tnink you should take that as a huge compliment. :) (Everyone's gone up a grade, reently, look! :)))))

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This was pure class, though, from you: "He once hit me with the “ I hope you don’t end up falling in love with me “ line. I think he wanted me to love him he said it jokingly but that was no joke 😂 I told him “It would never happen because I adjusted myself to the situation, I know my place” Translation: You SAID X so now you're going to LIVE X. 1. Taking (your rightful) control back. 2. Saying - I see through you and now I'm going to make you eat your own sh*t...forced him to live a dreaded Consequence. 3. Showed you weren't scared of or even intimidated by him, CERTAINLY not intellectually. 4. That you care more about what YOU think, regarding what you need or need to do, than anyone else that's not qualified to have any say. 5. Proved you were far too savvy and intelligent for him. And not pliable in the face of mere BS. He tried to lead you down this and that garden path and you just went floppy on the supermarket floor BUT (and this is a new one on me!) gave him a load of genius lip! HAHA, HAHA! No WAY would you have offered or agreed to let him move in with you so sodding early on - NO WAY. He could tell. Hence backed-out. Hence is now (from wherever he really is!) working on two of your colleagues....similtaneously. In case you hadn't noticed - he's Triangulating them.....pitting them against one another. ALREADY. WHILE WOOING. He is DESPERATE for a place to live! DESPERATE! On the other hand: You're what we in the industry call, one very cool, very switched-on chick (which is affectionate, not chauvenistic). If you never knew that because no-one had ever told you before - you do now. So next time - pick higher. A lot higher. You're looking for Equal Partner, not Chucky in a Lamb's Suit, mixed with Desperate Dan and Mr Bean. Ok? And that applies EVEN IF THEY'RE JUST A SHORT-TERM FLING OR EVEN SHORTER - THE ONE-NIGHT-STAND. NOW DO YOU GET IT? I expect you do. I'm confident you're going to admit it was pretty quickly, for you, just a case of scientific, morbid fascination. You wasted ALL THAT TIME AND EFFORT OF HIS! Way to go! (Post him a kid-sized pop-up beach tent, go on, haha. Cos he's IN his positoin because he was (what a surprise) an horrible ahole to his poor 'partner', and so arrogant he didn't even let the fact she EVEN COULD throw him out because it was her house/flat, not his. Reckon also, she's older than him. Divorce Settlement 'going begging'. Money and material wealth is always-always involved somewhere with a spath-narc.) Meanwhile...he brings to mind Shania Twain's hit - "That Don't Impress Me Much". But with more extreme lyrics, obviously. ...Grabbing your phone. Christ. Do your gender a favour and, next time a new squeeze tries to do that - grab his balls. I'm serious. Save your decent, lovely nature and behaviour for those that have earned or deserve it. It's finite, like your moby phone lithium battery. Not a lot of people realise that. Don't waste your magic on pillocks and pathologicals.

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...Night Terors. PFF...yeah, right. The only night terror is him!

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They can be a lot cleverer and smoother/subtler than that, though. Which is how I know he's been in a desperate hurry. Even more desperate now. Keep watching the tittering colleagues.

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PS: ""I think he’s actually close to lady 1, he could also want her in that way idk."" Yep. You're younger and - look what failed to happen. So now he'll go to the opposite extreme (Narc-Spaths for ya, they over-adjust and over-shoot...go too far. I even saw this in an wholly unexpected and uncommon way....Playing Angry birds... The Spath would undershoot by a millimetre, say. But on his next attempt, instead of undershooting by a millimetre, he'd undershoot by three! He could NOT find that finite point...that BALANCE. Narc-Spaths are ham-fisted. Straight Coverts could be compared to surgeons, even plastic surgeons, some eye-surgeons (manual...before automatic lasers). Narc-Spaths are more like...that giant Marshmallow giant-cartoon-bloke-thing in Ghostbusters. On the surface, I mean. Coverts don't HAVE an on-the-surface. (Except in rare cases for those who are talented at pushing THEM too far.) Hence - COVERT.

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(Tsk - "the Spath would overshoot" etc.) (scuse typos)

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