I've been with my girlfriend for almost three years now, I am 21 and she is 23. We met when travelling abroad in New Zealand, and after meeting me, she came to England to study at University in the same city as me, (she is from Switzerland). Both because of me and because she had always wanted to study abroad for University. Whilst I have kissed other girls before, she is my first serious relationship and my only sexual partner so far.
She has a flat that I am basically living in, though there was no real 'moving in' stage, we have just fallen into that situation, as I am still technically living at home (not far away).
I love her, but I feel like there has always been something in the back of my mind thats telling me that maybe I shouldn't be in this relationship.
She finds it hard to make friends since moving here, and this has caused a big strain on me because I feel like I need to be there for her all the time, and that I am missing out on time with my friends. She is often lonely, homesick and can get very emotional about day to day problems. She can get distressed about things easily and is often moody and upset, and when I try to make her feel better, we sometimes end up arguing. I try very hard to make her happy, though I find that often I'm making myself unhappy in the process.
I also feel at times attracted to other girls, and that I haven't really had a chance to know what different girls are like, and missed out on my youth and just having fun with girls.
We have been through 'almost break-ups' in the past, when I have told her that I am becoming unhappy because I'm trying to be someone I'm not to make her happy. She has always tried to say that she doesn't want to put pressure on me etc, but through no fault of her own perhaps, I feel pressure on me to constantly make sure she is ok, sacrificing time with my friends and family.
I think I had always thought that as it was my first relationship, it would just end somehow. However, it has got to three years and pretty serious, and I am realising that if its not going to work out, I am going to have to end it because I don't think she would.
I really do love her, but for a while now in the back of my mind, I have had the feeling that I can't see myself being with her forever, and that the longer and longer the relationship lasts for, the more painful it is going to be to end. What makes it really hard for me, is that I know I am really the only person she has in England, and that she loves me completely. Breaking up with her would cause her and myself a lot of pain and I am sure she would feel very alone and helpless. We are also both in our final years of University and I know this could have a huge impact on both hers and studying/grades.
I just wondered what anyone out there thinks of my situation, and if anyone has been in a similar relationship?
Sounds like a toxic relationship to me. But if you are not really ready to end it, pull away a little and see how you feel. Spend some nights at home with your family, give her,and yourself, a little space and time to think about each other and what you want in a long-term relationship. Do you really want to spend all your free time making her happy? We are all entitled to happiness, but you are not responsible for hers. Back off a little and see how the relationship looks from a distance.
Hi, I feel like I am in a similar relationship. I moved to a new city for work and didn't know anybody, but then met my current partner. Things were great, but her at the time roomate was moving out, so she couldn't afford to live on her own. I felt that she was always at my place anyway, that she should move in (kind of fell into that living situation that is similar to you). She has a crazy sister that lives nearby - who could not help. Her family is halfway across the country. I feel the same way, that since then she has become more and more dependent on me, and that I sacrafice time with any friends and family to spend time with her, as she makes me feel guilty for leaving her alone on the weekends.
All our free time is spent doing things that she wants to do, well at least 90% of it. My compromises are doing things she wants. When her sister was in trouble, that was her life focus, and I feel that helped create a toxic wedge in our relationship. I have also paid for her gym membership so that she had something of her own to focus on and create some space between us - which hasn't seemed to have worked as the times that we are both free, she is even more so dependent on my company. She also barely assists with the housework, and I feel trapped in this relationship, being a person who works a stressful job throughout the week, completes 90% of the housework, rarely gets to do things that I want to do and be supportive to her all at the same time.
It has made me feel resentful, emotionally detached from the relationship and life as a whole. I feel that if I were to end it, I am fearful of what she may do (either to me in anger or herself). I also fear that maybe, if she really is the one, that I would have let the love of my life go, and would regret it for the rest of my life.
We are planning on counselling to help, but in the back of my mind, I believe that this is a toxic relationship, where things have gotton to a stage where things are not repairable.
I guess I believe that time away will simply reinforce the feelings in the back of the mind, that such a relationship is not fair to you or her, even if you have to be the bigger person to relize this and end it. Of course this is easier said than done. Also time away can make the heart grow fonder, where you can return to your partner firmly believing that you can work through things, nly to find that all the same problems didn't go away - thats all I can say, other than if you know in your heart that your not in the right relationship, and that by staying in such a relationship, you feel life will pass you by - then resentment and regret will forever dominate your relationship and you will never be happy.
i am 21 years old and and i have been with my wife for 3 years,,
and now she want divorce i dont know why ?
we are having a child in two weak yesterday was all good no fights or something she aint in love with some one else,,
we are moslims,, she had fight with her mother because her mother didnt wanted to accept our relation so she left her and came to me,, now she blaims me for every thing and when i ask what happen ? she even dont tell me the reasons.. i feel like i am in fire i am stressed and thinking about only one thing when will i be dead ?
i love her so much she loves me too,, but now when her family accepted our relation she go some times to her mother when ever she comes back to me she is angry,, her mother and brothers are trying to get us apart,, i can fight with hem i already did it ones but i cant see a soloution in it? i am so allone i left my mom brothers every one for her,, i just wanted to spend this last 2 weaks together and she just took her things and went to her mother,, she wont reply my calls or sms,, or if she do reply she says only that i am ok my brothers and mom the are taking care of me so leave me allone? she hit me some times i never hit her ,, i feel like my life is destroyed,, i want her back i love her more than my own self,, i do want to be with her and our baby,,plz can any one help me and give me some advise ? i am loosing my controll cant talk with my family if i do the will say we told you so that dont marry her,, cant talk with her family the hate me already because i am in love with their sister i really dont know what to do ? i am trying to get her on phone that i can talk with her,, every time she go to her mothers home she just forget me i a day,, and when she come back we have so much problems in our relation than after a while all the things are oke again,, she love me but i dont know what she really want ?
when i was ready to divorce her she said sorry and didnt want divorce,, its like a game to her she plays and after a while she get bored and left it,,
i gave her too many chances now i am feeling guilty.
what should i do ? kill my self ?
i want to see my baby i want to be here for him and i also want to be here for my wife,, i dont know some time i think we were to early married,, i am 21 she is 20 now...
plz can any one help me ? i am affraid that i will take my own life..
thnx for your reply i will check the article that you sended me,,
i want to be relax but it is really hard for me because in 12 days our baby will be here and thats the reason that this time i cant relax i cant leave it i cant handle my self,,,i just love her and love my baby,,, i am sick and worried about her and my baby,