Marriage decision in question
I am a 35 yr old female with a successful nursing career, the man that I'm involved with is 35 and a successful business owner.
I met this guy when we were 16, we had a non sexual fling for a short while til I had to move 2 hrs away.
Time went on I moved on had a 15 yr relationship with another guy and had 3 children with him we never married. The relationship was pure hell. I almost didn't make it out alive. I had always known I wanted out but he made it very hard on me, and growing up in single parent household myself was something I didn't want for my children. So yes, being stupid I stayed. Finally I got up the courage and left him.
Three years later I ran into the guy I moved away from. As time went on we grew close, and began dating. He and my 3 kids got along great even though it took me along time to introduce them to him. I also made it known to him that I wasn't looking for a daddy for my kids they had one, but he had to respect my children and if it couldn't work with him and my kids then it wouldn't work with us. They are and always will be my first choice. He agreed, and said he understand.
He was divorced but had no kids, and always wanted kids.
Eventually we discussed our exes and he told me that after him and his wife divorced she passed away. Feeling curious I went online and did a search for her. Sure enough she was alive and well. Shortly after finding this out and afraid to confront him I found out I was pregnant with his child. So I chose to put this behind me.
One day while I was at work he called me to ask me to come home straight after work, he told me that he had a surprise for me. I asked him what. He told me that he had just picked up my engagement ring and wedding bands. He wanted to desperately marry me.
I was surprised. So of course I came home right away. I sat down on the couch and what happened next just blew me away and made me start to question everything between him and I.
He casually walked into the room said "Here Try this on" it was the engagement ring.. so I did and I took it off handed it back to him... Surely there was more than just handing it to me, but he then said "Don't take it off it's yours wear it." SERIOUSLY??? ....... I become uncomfortable wearing it and knew he wasn't sure if this is what he wanted. So I put it away and did not wear it. It just didn't feel right.
He had been acting strange for bout 3 weeks before hand.. I had asked him if everything was ok, He had told me then that he was receiving texts on his phone from an im name that he didnt know. So casually I suggested that he ask whom it was cuz maybe they had the wrong number. so he did. his phone went off and the look on his face was as if he had seen a ghost. HAHA little did I know. but he kept quiet and said nothing and I didn't ask. 4 days after he gave me the ring he told me that the person wo was texting him was an old male school friend who was using his sisters im name to get incontact with him. I wasn't that naive or gullible I knew exactly who it was, but again afraid to confront him I chose the stupid route and trusted him. How could I call him a liar with no proof and what if he was telling the truth. I'd would have been overreacting and would've made a fool of myself. (even though I still knew better.)
Months later I had our child on my birthday, and even though i was having conflicting feelings about what he had told me everything else was perfect. Even though he and his family questiioned me on why I never wore the engagement I used the excuse that my fingers and hands were swollen and it wouldn't go on. I know I shouldn't have lied, but I was still uncomfortable telling him that I didn't trust what he had told me.
2 months later it's 3 days after christmas he was taking a nap to get over the flu that he had for 2 weeks. I was making a cute romantic dinner and trying to find a way to let him know what had really been bothering me, I couldn't keep it in for forever. but his phone went off every 2 minutes for 10 minutes. I had never answered his phone or even looked thru it before .... NOW. I decided to believe it was his friend so I responded with "hello" the next text said who is this... i sent back you texted me you should know.. the next message I got caused me to shake uncontrollably and confirmed my worst fears and broke my heart. I couldn't breathe. she wrote back "what's the secret code". I finally had enough and I woke him up and told him to we needed to talk and he for once was going to be honest with me and no more lies. I deserved the truth and if he couldn't be honest he had to leave. his phone went off again and i read it out to him... it said oh ur her, he don't love you and that baby isn't his lol.. you'll never be me.
I totally lost my mind crying and screaming and finally everything I held in for almost a year came out.
He tried to make excuses and told me she just wanted to start trouble and
it wasn't what it seems. He told me that he wouldn't talk to her anymore and he didn't tell me because he was trying to protect me. She lived 2 states away and that it was nothing but a few meaningless texts. I told hin that I wasn't mad or hurt that he talked to her it was that he lied and had no reason to. I just couldn't understand why he felt he had to go that far for so long.
2 weeks later I found out that the birthcontrol we were using failed to work and I was pregnant again.
I was in total shock and couldn't believe that any of this was happening.
She now at this point refused to leave him alone. everyday she was texting then she started calling him. I told him that I was fine with him being friends, I'm not the jealous type, but that my trust in him was gone and I couldn't ever see being able to trust him again. I admitted to him that I had known all along an that's why I refused the marriage and the ring but the secrets that he had with her behind my back was more than I could handle.
We're still together but I have doubts marrying him. It's been 2 years, but it still hurts. He says he doesn't understand why I can't let this "little mistake go and move on." He says he loves me, but when I asked if he was sorry or at least felt bad for lying to me. He looked me in the face and said he did nothing wrong and so he had nothing to apologize for or feel bad about.
He and his family are still pusing me to marry him.
I do love him and this has been the only issue between us ever. I just don't know if I should let him go or take the chance and forgive him an move on? To make matters worse she has started texting him again a year and half later. He refuses to change his number, which just bothers me more. Is he lying to me again?? He says he has not responded. although in front of me he told her to stop or he would go after her for harrassment.... but I just don't know if I should give him another chance. AM I overreacting or should I just walk away?? he has not ever apologized or even felt bad for hurting me. Please Help..
if you are seeing the word erection in this that is not what I typed... the word should have been hard as in difficult.... wow? the auto corrections on this site..ohhh my my my!!!!
Hi Mellzzie - apologies regarding the auto-correct 'incident' you encountered. I've modified the replacement rule, and you'll see that your post has been automaticllay updated - oops!