Boyfriend adding and following random women on Facebook
My boyfriend and I have been having some rough patches in the past few weeks where I would confront him with the fact that I don't like that he is following models and pornstars on Instagram because I see it as emotional cheating when you are lustfully looking at other women... He replied that one of his interests are women and that looking at these women does not mean that he is talking to them or has any contact with them, which is understandable. Then there was a time where we were both looking through his Facebook and I caught my eye on one girl in his inbox msgs so I opened it and I saw that he wrote to her " you're so pretty" I was very upset and asked him who she was, he told me she was an old friend and she doesn't even live in the province and I wouldn't be able to do anything with her and I was just giving her an ego boost... Now in the couple weeks I see that he's been adding absolute random girls on Facebook... It hurts me and bother me... Should I ignore all this, cause he's just being a guy or should I confront him AGAIN. I feel like I'm suffocating him and not giving him his space but I am wondering what to say and if something like this is appropriate : I'm not going back to the conversations we've had before and the excuses youve said including, oh its just models or pornstars or its an old friend who doesnt even live in this province so i would never even do anything with them and its an interest you have, you like girls, but having that said I still do not understand or see why you would still need to add and subscribe to absolutely random girls on Facebook when you have a girlfriend... I don't think this is smothering or not giving you space at all... It just makes me question your faithfulness baby. Is there a reason you are adding these girls cause it hurts me and I really want you to stop or else you can go ahead and find yourself a new girlfriend . We've had a steady relationship, we have a lot of fun together, I hve a great relationship with his family. He always talks about our future and we are pretty supportive of each other. However lately I've been focusing a lot on the relationship and starting to question the feelings he has for me.
I'll give my opinion, but just keep in mind that I'm kind of an insecure person at times.
This post really bothers me. I think looking at other women should begin and END with admiration, of their beauty and/or the kind of people they are. To me it definitely sounds like he's lusting after them. If I were in your position I would see this as a real threat. if one of these women turns out to be unscrupulous, she could reply to him and it could get worse from there.
I know some people have a kind of relationship that's more open and they may see themselves as evolved but that never worked for me. I think commitment is commitment. He should only be lusting after you, and he should train himself in that practice. If there's something that he feels is not right between you, he needs to be in the habit of talking to you.
I agree with the person above me. that's not fair. Maybe the next time you two are out and you see a hot guy mention it. Or say something like wow that guy is really hot. If he gets mad tell him your just admiring from a distance. Or get on YOUR Facebook and post on someone's wall or send a message about how good looking they are and leave it open sometime for him to see and start adding guys you went to school with and just prove your point. Maybe he will realize he doesnt like how it feels. I try my best to not be insecure but I do at times and it seems to me that what he Is doing is VERY disrespectful to you and your relationship. The fact that you voiced it hurt your feelings he should respect that and stop. instead it seems like he took it further and is trying to keep it secret and that ooonnnllllyyyy gets worse. :( oh and if you could be so kind to read mine I'm open to Any advice :)
I think you deserve more than to be treated as if you're interchangeable with the next woman that may or may not "catch" your "boyfriends" eye. You're not overreacting and you're not insecure. The whole point of having a boyfriend, girlfriend, partner etc. is that they're supposed to be your person. You have each others backs and the intimate part of your relationship (lust etc.) is reserved for the two of you (physically and emotionally).The fact that your boyfriend chooses to hurt you, rather than to stop following other women "that mean nothing", tells me that you deserve better. If your feelings are not first priority to your boyfriend, then find a boyfriend who does consider your feelings his first priority.
I have been struggling with this too. I found my live in boyfriend following some random girl on Facebook and she is only about an hours drive from us. He obviously didn't think I would see who he was following because he hinds his friends list as well. Well while he is sitting in the car with messing with his phone as I drive he looked guilty. After I dropped him off I got on Facebook to find that he commented on one of photos and stating that her man scored. I have been cheated on by this man and found him on POF and other sex sites and confronted him just month's ago. He apologized said he never did,anything and I chose to believe,him. Now this. Back to his same crap. I also recently found he had hide photo apps, pinger and free texting apps on his phone. Why can't he just be loyal. I am extremely,good to this man. It saddens me and breaks my heart.
Me and my fiance had the same problem at one time and I honestly say tell him exactly how you feel, don't sugar coat it, and if he truly understands he will change it. Now I'm not saying I would happen over night but if he cares his ways will gradually change. Tell him its okay to talk to his friends but there are boundaries that should not be crossed. And explain to him those boundaries.
Hi Sashak, Your boyfriend doesn't love or care about you or your feelings. Stop accepting this treatment. If there is no turst there is no foundation for anything. Except who and what type of person he is and move on. Men like him will always apologize, the lie about these women mean nothing to him, they mean more to him than your feelings. Like wallflower said, if your'e not his first priority find someone who will put you first.
May I ask your ages?
I am not excusing his behavior, but there are certain ages where this kind of impulsiveness and curiosity might be understandable - like in the teens.
"Men" don't spend time on FB, as a rule.
I wanted to add that I was able to log into his email and his Facebook and after I found out everything he changed his passwords. He is always on his phone too. I have also voiced my concerns about his constant and I mean daily back and forth with his kids mom. He says that all's they do is fight and I have asked him to limit the contact if it is nothing but fights. He sees and gets his kid everything other weekend and I told him that his communication should be when he gets him and when he is dropping him off. Not 60-70 texts and 10 phone calls a day, she,texts at 11, 12 at night. 6 in the morning. This,is unacceptable. If I ever text my kids dad like that he would kill me. Fight and who knows what. I've told him it bothers me but he,don't seem to care. All of this on top,of the Facebook chicks, POF. I don't know what to do, we fight, and I tell him I don't want to live like this any more and he should move,then he cries and apologizes but I know its just going to happen again. I'm so lost and,confused. I'm sad and unhappy and,frustrated more than I'm anything else. I worry constantly that he is up to something. For 2 years straight since we moved in together he was in and off craigist, POF, and a ton of other hook up sites. Opinions please! Am I being a fool? We have been together 4 years. In which first 2 he cheated on me and we got back together and moved in together and last 2 years I've found all the internet activity. I am 45 and he is 34. Will he ever,grow up and be able to commit? Or will he always look for greener grass?
everyone here has given the best advice possible. i have been through a lot in relationships and i don't think i would want someone who randomly adds people on Facebook, reason being it would make me concerned. i feel that loyalty should not be questioned. i think you should tell your man what you think and give him the chance to make up his mind. sorry to say but some people always feel they will find something better and its wrong. i personally will never add random people online if i was in a relationship and to make my relationship more open i would let my partner know everything i am doing. i don't want passwords .. i won't check everything my man does but i want a level of openness. i have not been lucky in relationships but with each experience comes a more realistic expectation.
if you have to play detective, then its time to tell him how you feel and if he doesn't respect that, you need to accept whatever comes right after.
So to add to my saga. I found my boyfriend commenting and liking random girls photos because I will admit I logged into his account. I made him friend me and add me as his relationships and I saw once again he made a comment on some chicks photo so decided to like one of his comments for the girls page was public. He messaged me on Facebook saying that I am too obvious with my snooping and he is going to delete his Facebook and that he loves me. So for about a month it still showed his name in my friends but his pic didn't show. Then one day I was on mine and looked,him up but and saw not only was his Facebook not deleted or deactivated any longer but he unfriended me. Me! His girlfriend. He didn't unfriend some other,people I know we're his friends,for he shows up on their friends list. Now I'm mad, angry, sad and frustrated, do you think he is cheating on me and once again seeking out,random chicks on Facebook?
Agree with Wallflower's post totally. To be frank, all you have to do is ask yourself why your partner is even bothering to look at other women if he is supposedly 100% happy with you. You will then have your answer, because when a man is IN love with a woman he doesn't behave this way....it's that simple.
You need a man who will put you on a pedestal, respect you and keep your heart safe. This man will most certainly have no time for other woman but will have all the time in the world for you and you alone. Actions speak, words mean nothing. There is no grey areas when it comes to total commitment.