Was I the problem?
Hi. I am 32 and got married to my husband at 19. Due to marrying so young we have both had our moments of infidelity. We wanted to change that so after having 3 kids we planned a fourth pregnancy, hoping a new baby would give us a fresh start at being a family. We ended up with twins and were happy, so I thought. Nearing the end of my pregnancy his cell phone dialed home by accident and I could hear my husband flirting with a co-worker. I asked him about it and he assured me he was just being friendly. 3 months after birthing our twins I found texts messages that told me an affair with the co-worker had already started. It has lasted the past 2 years of our marriage. I have found his truck at her home numerous times. I work overnight and learned that he was leaving our 5 kids alone to go see her. One confrontation became physical when her 15 year old son punched me as my husband not only watched but stayed with her the same night. During the course of all this I began an affair of my own, an issue I've just recently identified because whenever he would cheat I'd seek comfort in another man. That relationship was short-lived and abusive and I ended it after a few months. My husband continued seeing his co-worker. Then the texts and calls started. She knew all about my personal life, where I worked, what car I drove. One night after he'd stayed out with her I tried to kill myself. I texted his phone repeatedly for help as I was feeling sicker and sicker. He ignored my calls for hours and then finally came home, promising to make things right because he didn't want to lose me. She texted me later the next day and said she should've let me die because he was already in bed when SHE made him come home to see if I was ok. No matter how many times they fell back they would reconnect, due to them working together. So I tried moving to another city to try and protect my marriage. He continued to leave my kids alone to go see her. Shortly after moving, he lost his job and I thought that would rid us of her for sure. But he continued to see her. I'd had enough and packed up all 5 of our children and moved out. The marriage was over. During the years of the back and forth cheating I'd met a man who long after the fling ended remained one of my closest friends. He respected that I ended the relationship to work on my marriage but remained in my life when I was down n needed someone to talk to. After separating from my husband I found comfort in him and we are now together. But so is my husband and the co-worker. She has finally succeeded in breaking up our marriage. Now he wants nothing to do with me or our kids. He is hurt by the new relationship I'm in and hates me for leaving him. What I'm struggling with is this: Is all this karma for MY repeated cheating even though it was always out of revenge? Am I the one responsible for tearing up my marriage? I cannot sleep at night knowing he is happy in her arms and my children have lost their dad. Advice??
It is NOT your fault! You only cheated after he did. HE was cheating on you! It was all his fault, he should have never let another woman come between you two and the kids. He has no reason to hate you. He caused all of this and he wrecked the marriage. He can't be mad that you found someone better than him! Someone who actually makes you happy! His cheating and lies are the reason you left him. You did the right thing and no matter what he says or does he will always be wrong! Teach your children to not be like him. I hope the man you are with now is a great man and that your kids and you start feeling better. This isn't karma on you it's karma on him. You deserve better and so do your children! I hope everything gets better. Let me know if this helps. And best wishes to you and yours.
Kudos to you that you actually have someone else.Work on that relationship and do your best to forget about him.He is with a tramp that broke up his marriage and is with a woman he can't trust.I doubt that it lasts.You need to move on.He has,and will probably regret his actions,later.People who will do anything to get what they want,often end up with little to show for it.Payback is a mother.