Generalized anxiety disorder?
So this may be a long question.... I need someone's advice or just idk - please just read if you so wish.
I smoked weed a few months ago (I smoked plenty of times previous to this and nothing like this happened to me) and ended up having a massive panic attack. This attack was intense and I ended up in what only I can call a psychotic state. To sum up my experience, in my mind I died. Afterwards I didn't feel like myself at all - everything felt like it was fake and that I was living in a delusion. Basically I got derealization which lasted for about a month. I finally ended up recovering from this derealization and I am perfectly fine but am still suffering from depression from this episode. It was pretty traumatic to me. I have always suffered from social anxiety and depression and have had symptoms of either OCD or GAD. This experience brought to light all of my issues that I had tried to conceal. I'm working on these problems.
Anyways, I opened up and told my parents about ALL of this a few months ago. My mother was obviously worried but didn't seem TOO concerned. However, I was convinced that there was something wrong with me and that I should talk to a therapist (which I still have not done). My mom kept coming up with reasons as to why this would have happened to me and acted like nothing was wrong. She seemed to think I didn't need to talk to anyone about it. I just felt like my mom didn't want me to see a therapist & I didn't understand why. Btw I believe my mother suffers from GAD and perhaps OCD.
Tonight I got into another discussion about my weed experience and we ended up in an argument. I told my mom that she didn't seem like she wanted me to go to a therapist. She got REALLY defensive and angry and told me that she would do anything for me (things such as this). This really made me feel like I was being terrible, selfish. I just feel worthless right now. I know my mom wants the best for me and will do anything to help me through my problems but sometimes I just don't feel like I can tell her my problems because she will worry about me too much.
Now I feel like I have made the situation worse and my mom is REALLY going to be worried about me when I am actually doing quite fine. I do still need to talk to a therapist, which I will do asap. But, I just don't want to make my mom feel like I don't appreciate what she does for me.
This is a mess - I don't even know what I am asking really - I just need to get my thoughts out somewhere.