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Marriage problems - please help

Posted by
on Nov 30 2012 at 10:05
Member since: 30 November 2012
Relationship advice forum category advice forum category Hi Guys, this is my first time posting on here but I am at a bit of a lost end and any advice would be a help as I am really struggling. I have been married to my wife for 8 years and we have had ups and downs in that time but I was always happy and always thought we were pretty solid. In recent months her behaviour was different, she has been a little distant, any way about 6 weeks ago I decided to check her phone as I just had a bad feeling, I found some emails to and from a guy and they were arranging to go for a drink together. I went mad and she claimed it was nothing and she had no real intention of going, it caused me some upset but she emailed him to say she wouldn't meet him and we moved on. I also told her about my love for her and said I would be a better husband as I have made mistakes in the past. Anyway a couple of weeks ago I was still feeling that something was wrong so I checked her phone again and found some messages to and from a guy she knows through work, they were of a sexual nature. I flipped out and that's when my world started to crash around me. I said I was leaving her and she was very upset, begging me to stay with her. She claimed that the messages were just banter and they are just close friends, he is in a relationship and they have just got close talking about the pressures and stresses of being married etc. I love her so much and decided to try and save our marriage but since the incident it feels like I am doing all the work, my wife suffers from depression and she has gone into her shell. She doesn't really want to talk about anything and she said I need to give her space to think. She said she loves me and wants to be with me but she doesn't understand why she does this and that is what she needs to figure out. At home now there is a strange atmosphere, I think partly because I am paranoid and partly because of the situation. I myself am really struggling, I am not sleeping, eating and working has become really hard as I can't concentrate. I don't know if my wife wants out of the marriage, is suffering from depression or is in love with this other guy. What should I do? She is very tired and stressed due to the pressures of work so I guess that is also a factor. Thanks for any help and sorry this message is so long.
Reply from
on Nov 30 2012 at 16:58
Member since: 30 November 2012
She says that she love you, but I don't see love. Love is not a word you can throw around especially when you act like your wife. Please don't take it offensive, sir. But when you love someone, you don't do the things your wife does. That's not love.

I always say this to people and I will continue to say it.

Love is powerful. No matter how much she may be struggling through life or your marriage, she just won't do the things she does if she loves you.

It's hard to accept the truth, I know. Truth kills everyone.

And I think you two need some serious talking. Communication is good in a relationship. Tell her how you feel and that you really want to do something about this crazy mess.

Good luck to you.

Reply from
on Nov 30 2012 at 18:53
Member since: 30 November 2012
I have been through what see is going through. It is a very confusing time in your life because you know you love someone with all you heart but for some reason you are doing things to hurt them. The best thing to do for her right now and to love her and show it. Show her that she doesnt need to talk to those other guys because all she needs and wants is right there before her. Dont worry, she is not in love with these men. Lust can be a horrible thing. She obviously feels bad for what she is doing but she is going to need help through this. Try your absolute best not to fight with her. You should try your best to incourage her to do the best which is stay with you. If you guys can work through this you can work through almost anything. Dont worry.
Reply from
on Dec 4 2012 at 09:12
Member since: 30 November 2012
Thank Lorel94 for your response. I just wanted to ask you, how do I know things aren't serious with this last guy?

I am trying to act normal and show her love, end of the day I am willing to move on and forget the past but how do I know she isn't just carrying on as before. She said she loves me, says she doesn't want to hurt me any more and I do feel love from her but I am just so confused and paranoid.

I am over thinking everything and its driving me mad.

I don't know whether to do to a doctor to ask for help to cope.

Just want my wife and I want to know what to do to make things right.

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