My problem is that I still miss my ex- boyfriend, it's been almost 10 months since we broke up. On the night before we did, I told him I loved him and I needed to know if he loved me (we had never actually said it to each other in the whole 9 months we were together) and he replied "not as much as I should". That was pretty devastating. He was really upset when we broke up, as was I, and I never let anyone say a bad word against him afterwards as he's a lovely guy and all he did was be honest- you can't help how you feel. He made out as if I was this amazing person and he was sure he would look back one day and realise he's being an idiot, but he just wasn't sure if we had that special spark to last. He is 28 now and I'm 21, we started going out when I was 19 and he was 26- some may find that strange but I have two sisters and a brother his sort of age and I've always been more mature than my peers. Anyway, it was a strange relationship, I was in total awe of him but it was almost so much so that I couldn't be myself around him. Most of our arguments were that I didn't communicate how I was feeling, which is something I only have a problem with doing in relationships (I never hold back with friends and family!) so I understand how he was frustrated at times. I've grown so much since we parted, and in hindsight I believe breaking up was definitely the right thing to do. We weren't happy, I went to Uni quite a bit away so only saw him weekends (which is when I also worked during the day), I would get upset that he wanted to see me less, he would get upset at the fact he wanted to see me less (and knew he was hurting me). But even with all this, I still miss him dearly. I think about him everyday (I've even had a few brief flings with other boys but they haven't meant anything/ don't compare to my ex) and I still feel like I'm in rebound after 10 whole months. I want to get in contact with him, even just to say hi. I don't really understand what my feelings are, I don't think it's so much as I want him back, it's just that I miss knowing him. I hate that I had this little world where I got to know his friends and family and talked to him everyday- to absolutely no contact with any of them now. But at the same time, I know I still think he is beautiful and I know that if he dropped it in to conversation he was seeing someone it would kill me. Would it be a strange thing to send him a text or an email to say hi? I've always kept my distance with ex's as I kinda don't believe you can be friends- so I'm going against everything I usually preach about. I remember telling him this when we broke up and he was in tears that I probably wouldn't stay in touch. I know you don't know him, but even an outsiders perspective into what you think his reaction would be if I got in touch. I feel I can't talk to anyone about it, as I've always tried to put the brave face on and have my friends and family believe I'm totally over it. Any insight would be really appreciated
You need to stop this. You broke up for a reason and there is no going back. You need to learn from this experience and move on. You were only together for 9months and I honestly believe that it should take a third of the time you were together to get over it which means after 3months you should have accepted that it was over and forgot about him.
It sounds like you were drooling over him as if he was some sort of god and you were his slave. I'm sorry to be so harsh but I can understand why being so full on so soon would freak him out.
In future be very fussy about who you choose to go out with and be a little mysterious and not too giving with your affection until you are sure he is really really into you.
Most of this boils down to inexperience and immaturity and it is not your fault but you really do need to stop pining for him. Move on
Thanks for your reply. And thanks for giving me a kick up the bum. I would usually have told myself pretty much what you just have, but I always get a bit down in the winter and start thinking about the past too much. I'd like to believe that you can get over someone within a third of the overall time you dated, but I just don't think that's true. It's a very generalised rule that I don't believe applies to every relationship and situation. Although I'll admit that in my situation I should have been done with this for a long time now. I'm sure that if I did talk to him I'd probably realise why we broke up, we didn't have all that much to say to each other. I just had a moment of loss there and needed someone to tell it to me straight! so thanks again for taking the time to reply