My relationship with son and his girlfriend nobody likes
My son will be 21 in March and goes to college. He is in business with another college student and his father. My husband and myself asked him to not get involved with his business partners sister (who is only a senior in high school) but he didn't listen. He knew we were against this for several reasons. First, I want him to succeed without the help of her rich father. Second, I think he has a thing with money, by that I mean, it is important to him to have it. I believe he is capable of a successful life with any help from this partner's father. I don't think he will ever be given any credit for what he does with this business because he does not have the "big" last name associated with money. I also think this girl is not his type. She is nothing to look at and nobody seems to like her. She's not popular at school and my friends and family do not care for her or her mother. My daughter's friends (16 yr. olds) don't like her either. They have a lot of money and they let you know it. I thought they broke up in Sept. and even celebrated for 2 days, only to find out this week that he has been secretly still seeing her. My husband and I argue about this all the time. He doesn't like it either because my husband is a wealthy man and likes to hunt and he thinks this family is too high class and will turn our son into something he isn't. It is very hard on our entire family. When she's around, I am not a happy person and since finding out that they are back together, I don't even care to celebrate Christmas. I'm almost embarrassed to tell my family that they are still together because they don't like her and I also think they think he is only interested in her because of her daddy's money. (Which is something I wonder about too at times). I get grouchy because of this and my husband and I fight over how to handle this. I could really use some good advice. I can't think much of this girl because she has to know we don't care for her, and now we find out they are secretly seeing each other. Makes me wonder what kind of a girl she really is. My son is a good, smart kid. Doesn't drink or smoke and works hard at a job and goes to college, but my relationship with him is not the same. I don't seem to care what he does after finding out he's been lying to us and still seeing her. I have told him that I want him to succeed on his own, and I'm not sure if he's with her because he just likes being with her or if it's for the money. I honestly don't think he'd tell me the truth. How do I handle this? If they stay together, I know it will only hurt our marriage.
Hello Leah! I want to start off letting you know I am a college student, married with a daughter, but also work for my family business (and make quite a bit of money for family doing so!) so I think I can provide some insight. Your son is not you, he is the arrow to your bow, and he is old enough to soar whatever distance he is determined to. You have no control over it once he left. He is an adult and needs to make adult decisions (or mistakes!) on his own. If this is the path he chooses, then there is nothing you can do to sway him beyond this point. Although you greatly disagree with it, there is nothing you can do. He will continue to see her if he so chooses, and by so strongly disagreeing, you will instill guilt in him which will only lead him to hide the situation. It will also ruin your marriage like you stated. I know he is your son and I can tell you care so much about his well-being like any great mother would do! But there is only so much a mother can do when their child is an adult. DO NOT LET HIS UNFORTUNATE RELATIONSHIP HURT YOUR MARRIAGE! Express your concerns with your husband, but don't fight. It just won't help whatsoever, it will only cause more issues. Let the problems stay with him, not bounce onto you. You can not take his choices so personally. All you can do now is tell him your thoughts and let him make his own choices. You said he is smart, so sooner or later he will realize it is a mistake and will learn from it. I know, as a mother, you want to guide him with your love and concern. You can't do this forever or he will never learn. Just sit him down, talk calmly and logically of your concerns, and let him go after that. You can not end it. Only he can, and you can't force him to do it. I know, it's a harsh reality but it has to be accepted or you will only hurt yourself and the remainder of your family. He will turn around, it just takes time. I wish you the best of luck and hope the situation will turn out only in the most fortunate of ways