I am sure all the problems i am having trace back to something else so i dont know what the real problem is,i'll start with my newest one LOL I have been feeling really obsessive of famous rock stars (one in particular) and it has led me to face a truth that everyone has been telling me forever...I am shallow. I am obsessed with men that i think are hot and i can't settle on "normal real life" guys because of this. I dont find any men attractive except a certain type of rock star. I just cant bring myself to want to be intimate with guys i date (although i did have a long term boyfriend,and casually dated a handful of others) but i always end up unhappy with them all. Mostly i am just not attracted to them enough to get physically involved,or,if i do,i dont enjoy it enough to care anymore. Which leads me to another problem i have. I am not a beautiful girl,well,i've been told i am by a few guys that i was,but i KNOW i am not because i have never EVER attracted a good looking guy. Every time i'm with other girls,and we meet some cute guys,they NEVER EVER like me,they always like the hotter girls. So then that makes me feel like a hypocrite because i want the hottest guys yet i reject guys that i dont think are hot,so,its like karma is getting back at me. I was just going to ask if it is possible for an average looking girl (with a less than average personality,apparently) to catch an above average looking guy. But i know it isnt. If i'm not that bad to look at then it must be my personality because guys just want to be friends with me,unless they are the clingy desperate type then i always get those after me. I have tried being confident and not so desperate,in fact i have been single for 5 years so i'm used to it and would rather be alone than with someone i dont like,so i dont consider myself desperate at all,BUT why do i still obsess over why i cant get a decent looking guy to like me? Now this leads me to another problem. I was told to do what you love and you will attract the man you want. So my favorite thing in life is music and i have been going to more concerts and bars to see live bands and i've met a few bands but yet when i'm around these guys,i still feel like i dont fit in and they dont like me. One time i sat by a guy in the band and started asking him about some songs they do and he didnt even look at me and gave short answers. That is how i feel all the time with the type of guys i want,they dont have time for me because i'm either not beautiful or i am not interesting enough or something. I am not even all over them,in fact most of the time i'm too shy to say much so i just smile and say "good show" but i suck at conversations (another problem that probably has an original problem that started it) UGH i just dont know how to start fixing my problems,they are endless! I want a guy i am attracted to but they dont like me and i cant fit in even with people of the same interests cuz my personality must suck that bad. I do have enough friends though,although they also tend to be the sort of people who cant befriend "cool good looking people". I am 34 years old,by the way. And also for some reason i only like younger guys (cuz i feel young myself,i have more in common with younger people,plus they arent old LOL) yet when i try to get a younger guy they freak out and call me "granny". Can someone help me at all with any of this? Believe it or not,I was happy with myself up until last week when i joined the fan club of this band i like and everyone in there called me "granny" cuz i'm out of the age range of everyone else,which made me feel even older. And they said that this particular guy i really like only likes younger girls which made me feel worse. God,like i even have a chance with him!! That is what set this off. I am obsessed with him and deeply saddened by this realization that i am probably going to end up with some older desperate guy that i am not even attracted to cuz i cant get anyone else. What is wrong with me!!?
It sounds me to me like you need to do some work on your self esteem. Everyone has different tastes. Sometimes it's easier to be with someone you don't care about coz that way you don't get hurt. It sounds like the men you want are probably so vain they haven't got enough love for anyone but themselves.Take time out for you, stop looking for something to happen and when you're not thinking bout it it'll happen. I think the first thing is to build your confidence up. Forget about everyone and do something you like and makes you feel better. Hope you feel better real soon hun x