Relationship / love help and advice needed please
OK heres the scoop, I have been with a man for 1 year and 1/2. We live together, and are expecting our first child. Two weeks ago, i had went on my husbands yahoo account, and was just looking around (Not as if i dont trust him, we are very open with our online accounts) and i found that he was messaging another girl. The messages got very dirty, and he was the one that was being (naughty) pictures were sent or her and him both (just face and body, no naked). I printed out the messages and had to wait till the next night to confront him. When i had confronted him he told me just to delete it and forget bout it that it was something that he did while he was bored. Now the whole kicker to the story, He had dont that stuff while i was away from home spending time with my dying grandfather.. So The whole time i confronted him he just kept saying he was sorry and that it wont happen again, and i just dont know if i can believe him. Its been about 2 weeks now since i found out, and he has changed a little, he started being a man when it comes to some things but now when we have sex it just feels different and he doesnt seem into it. I just dont know what to do, i cant and wont leave him because we have a child on the way and we plan on getting married and i do love him but i just dont know if there is something wrong that i am doing or should i say something? i just need help.. Please tell me im not crazy and help me some one
Hello, I'm so sorry to hear your story. I wanted to tell you that I went through something similarwhen I was pregnant with my first, my partner and I had been together 2 years before I fell and in the second trimester I used his phone and found lots of porn downloaded (I know this doesn't sound like much but I don't like my man looking at porn I believe I should be enough and he has never needed it) it was more upsetting as when I was pregnant he wouldn't have sex with me at all so it felt like I had been betrayed I then found texts and emails from him to a girl he met just before I fell when he was on holiday with a make friend of his they were dirty and the last text said "we have to use email as my girlfriend does not like me texting you" that's when the emails started, I found it very hard to trust him after and I can't be sure he never did anything on holiday but I just sat and thought before this did I trust this man? And do I think that it went any further? I realised I had always trusted him and that I don't think it went any further, and he would never want to hurt me. I think men find it hard to adjust to pending parenthood not giving him an excuse but I think men also find it hard to be sexually excited with the pregnant form knowing that you are carrying a baby, I know my partner didn't like the thought of the baby knowing lol Maybe talking to him telling him that you feel hurt at the time you need him most and ask him how he is feeling about sex and the baby that could be why sex is feeling different. Trust will need to be grown again and believe me it gets better my man has never done anything like that again and knows that I wouldn't take it and I asked him how would he feel if it was the other way around. Trust him fully and we are happy. Sorry it's so long but I hope it helps good luck with life and your pregnancy x x
how would he feel if you did that to him?
A male point of view. Porn is meaningless so don't get all upset about porn, in fact one way to blow his mind and perhaps spice things up, tell him you want to watch him while he "watches" porn. The e mailing to another woman could be what is known as an "emotional affair", where there is no physical contact and they likely haven't even met in person. The fact that he's trusting this woman with intimate details may or may not be cause for concern, depending on if it invaded your immediate zones and if it continues with (epically)the same girl, or any other girl. It suggest he does not or con not be emotionally free with you.
See when i found out and told him right off quick he said he did it cause he was bored, then began to cry and just kept on saying over and over that he was sorry. I put my foot down and made sure that he had messaged those girls and explain to them that he was engaged and was expecting a child and also made him delete his adult chat account then his yahoo. When i had found the messages they went as far back as 2010 and me and him got together in 2011. He claims it was demons that he had and that he doesnt have them anymore but it just doesnt make since to me. I monitor any of his internet access and changed all of his passwords on Facebook, Hotmail Ect. What doesnt register in my head is even if he was doing it out of boredom or what ever, you dont just talk to a person that you dont know sexually cause you are bored. I do see a change in him but i feel as if we are distant. I just dont know how to handle it or if i should say something more or do something different. Its just a big confusing mess and i kind of wish i would have never found it but then in the same since im very glad i did. I just beat myself up over it every day. :/ Thank you everyone for the comments
I understand about making him e-mail them back and closing those accounts. But the other stuff changing passwords and such, I don't see the point. I don't think it meant much. Maybe he was bored and was just having a little fun.
My concern is you are now sounding very controlling. This is only going to cause him to distance himself from you even further. You confronted him, took appropriate action, now let it go. If someone wants to do these things, you cannot stop them, they will find a way. He can just set up new accounts if he wants too. You are violating the trust in the relationship. He did too, but he said he was sorry and it won't happen again. So, you need to show a little trust yourself here.