I only moved in with my bf because we were both living in crap + expensive places at the time... it seemed logical, my friends and family said I should do it, but I knew it wasn't for me. I enjoyed our relationship when we lived apart, I had time to myself, and independence. Now he just feels like my ball and chain, a child even (I also don't want to children). This is due to the fact I feel more like his mum than his girlfriend. He relies on me to cook for him, choose what we eat, and clean the majority of the house. And yet when I ask him to help he doesn't do it or leaves it for days and days even if I remind him. Its a massive turn off. I've told him all of this. He thinks I'm patronising when I offer to teach him how to cook something so I don't have to do it every night, or check there is a plate on top of his food in the microwave (as requested by our flat mates)... my flat mates want to move out because they don't like his short-temper and tone towards me either. He told me he doesn't have high cleaning standards like me, and I get it, but it doesn't make me stop resenting picking up after him just to keep the place tidy. Our friend suggested I leave everything and wait for him to clean it, so I am going to see if that works. If that doesn't work our contract ends this July, and I am planning to tell him I am going to start looking for a new place. He has told me he doesn't like ultimatums, and I have made a few in the past, so I don't fancy bothering doing that now. I think most women would just put up with it, but I never thought living with ANY boyfriend would be fun or sexy anyway. I just want things to go back to the way they were, when I went over to his house once or twice a week, and laugh at the mess his 'flatmates' had made (oh, how naive I was back), watch a movie, have sex and fall asleep, wake up, have breakfast, and then leave to get my 'coursework' done (what I really meant was get some time to myself). Hes a nice guy, but when it comes to being a flatmate and contributing in cleaning, he sucks. You can call me immature, but when we graduate from university, I need to live with someone who contributes while I'm hopefully working from 9am-5pm!! I never imagined my life this way, living with a boyfriend who doesn't care to contribute to housework or cooking or food shopping. Feel free to say whatever you want below.
bless you dear, you really need to set the rules out clear and simple and if he doesn't sort it out then say to move back to how it was, if its meant to be then it will survive these sorts of decisions either way. no one deserves to be treated in that sort of a way, it needs to be mutual or whats the point? you will only carry on being unhappy....good luck!
Thanks for your advice Becky. You just reminded me that before my bf and our flatmates moved into our place, we all agreed we should make ground rules. We never ended up making them, and now I'm the only one who wants them! The other couple are good with cleaning and help each other to cook. I should probably tell my boyfriend that if he wants to continue living with me, setting and following ground rules are essential.