Never ending torment from my ex
I dated a girl in highschool for 4 years. She was basically my first real girlfriend. ( the technical first was for a month and i had a broken leg and couldnt do anything to entertain the idea of having a relationship.) We always had a strange relationship and it was always more distant than we both liked due to her restrictive parents for the first 3.5 years. We had fallen in love rather fast, and we were rather happy all the time. Unfortunately we got together freshman year of highschool and we were both young and stupid. I unknowingly upset her by continuing my friendships with other females she wasnt fond of. I am extremely against her drinking and doing drugs. Anyways after giving her an ultimatum withing the first year of our reltionship atating if she drinks or does drugs we are through. Well later on a few months later she has an extremely tiny sample of a weed brownie right in front of me. Well i was too much of a wimp to keep my word. Well after that i had an extremely hard time believing anythig she told me. She also loved to keep secrets for no reason. For ex: id ask he who are you gonna hang out with today, shed reply oh no one just my peeps. Drove me up the wall! Anyways she later revealed that she has been seeking revenge for what i did to her. I guess she really didnt like me hanging out with thise girls. We were each others first for almost everything except for kiss. After 2.5 years we decided to start having sex. Well all was fine and dandy until we went to college and started working. After our second semster at junior college she calls me over and breaks up with me out of the blue. No warning, no previous arguements, nothing. Says she wants to spend time being single, and says she wanted a promise ring to know we were going somewhere. Story changes everytime i ask her. Well right after we break up im invited to a party and shes there and drinks in front of me. Two weeks after we broke up she calls me begging for my help because she is drunk and cant go home and has no where else to go because her friend just got a dui. Well i let her over, yelled at her and then slept with her. And thought that would be the end of it. Well we continued to see each other, i still loved her for some unknown reason. We probably had more sex in the year we have been broken uo than we did in our relationship. She kept giving me mixed signs, one minute she wants me the next everything is a mistake and we cant do this anymore. Im still trying to get her back, only thing was i told myself she would have to ask me to get back together. (Just so you know when i question her frequently about her doing drugs or drinking (before and after we broke up) she would get defensive and upset). Fast forward to this valentines day/ her birthday. I was too busy to get her a bday present, and i feel that you inly get valentines day gifts for someone you are in a relationship with. Well she got extremely upset with me over it and took it as i dont want her anymore. So ive been treading light still trying to get her back. Well this whole time, non existant to my knowledge se has been gettig closer to this guy we meet before we broke up. I had a hunch she was leaving me for someone else. Well at the beginning of this week (we have been apart for a little over a year now) i had been just trying to ask her in person if shes seeing someone yet. She replied kinda. And i asked who and she got defensive. So i apologized and opened up to her about my feelings to try and clear the air. I told her i cant stop thinking about her and i miss her, etc. well she understood and we left it at that. Well that night (only an hour after we had that talk) im not super happy, she post a picture of her shotgunning smoke out of the guy (i supsect her to be dating) mouth. Basically transfer hookah smoke from mouth to mouth from a very small distance, looks like kissing from a distance. This infuriates me and i let her have it over text. Basically saying i trusted her to show my feelings and she slapped me right in the face with that. Not even caring about me at all. One shes close to another guy and two she is smoking. Well she bloked me from seeing any pictures she puts on facebook and we went from talking daily to not at all. Her dad calls me a few days later regarding some tires i got for them. Well it forces me to speak to her and she says we need to talk in person to help me out. I agreed and we are gonna talk monday evening after she gets off work. We set this up a few hours ago. I asked why she was up so late and she decides to tell me she was just getting back from a party. Awesome. Needed to hear that. I need to move on. This girl keeps hurting me without any regards towards my feelings and emotions. But i cant let her go. What do i do? Im a good, honest, trustworthy guy. I treated her like a queen. Even though it wasnt enough for her. I dont get why but i still love her. I dont know maybe its just being close to somone i love. Im a pretty lonely guy. Very few friends, very shy. Im going for an engineering degree and in my classes ive yet to meet any attractive (emtionally and physically) females in class (calculus, advanced chemistry for engineers, and physics arnt the most appealing to ladies i guess because i havent seen them)I dont party, and i dont do social outings in large groups. All of my so called friend smoke an drink except for three. And to be honest with you they dont fill the void she does (or i guess a female does). I cant move on because she wont let me, and i cant move forward because i cant meet people. I work with the public replacing auto glass for a living, so im ok talking to people when im doing something i know and kinda have a script for. Otherwise im keeping to myself. When i open up and meet people they like me. But i think i scare most new people away by wearing darker clothes and having long hair. I need some advice. I apologize for the unorganized manner this has been presented in. Help me please.
You and I sound alike in some areas. Heart broken, deal with a person that you wish you could control their drinking etc that they do, but let me tell you that she will never change cuz you do not like it cuz with me it made it worse bringing it up and my hatred about the drinking and smoking. They will only change on their own if they want it! Furthermore I am also one who is broken due to a man that is now with his ex after being with me, only difference is I am the one who wishes he would contact me and I do not have him responding or wanting me in his life which is hard and hurtful. I would say to move on if she does not want to want to be solely with you but I have no room to talk. I luv two men one who is father of my kids and been with and split up and gotten back together for the past 23 plus years and he will never change his habits so I hate him but have a love for him as the father of my kids, but my true love and heart is for a man who will never care for me or so he makes me feel. If I was you I would get out now before any kids involved and find a woman who will respect and love you unconditionally.