Long distance relationship communication problems
My boyfriend and I have been in a relationship for about 2 1/2 years. Things were a little rocky last year but we worked things out and things are back to being really great. The only downfall, however, is that while I’m away at school, we’re about 2 hours away. On average, we see each other every other weekend, which is great. I have no complaints about that. My issue is the lack of communication we have while we aren’t together. He doesn’t like the phone (or Skype or that kind of thing) because he feels like it’s a waste of time basically, so he usually calls me on his way home from work. I get that, and I’ve accepted that but because of the work he does, there will be times when he goes a couple weeks without working and for those couple of weeks, we basically don’t talk. There are times when I initiate a conversation, but unless it’s something important, he doesn’t like it when I call unannounced just because he’s weird about that. When I do try and talk to him, he’s never really thrilled about the idea and it’s always kind of “well, if I have to” attitude. I’m sure a lot of people reading this are probably thinking something along the lines of him cheating or whatever but I have no doubt in my mind that he is not, so that’s not a concern.
My concern is that this lack of communication is going to really negatively affect our relationship, especially since I’m at school for another 4 months. It makes me feel sad and SO angry that we don’t talk because those phone calls are what our relationship is right now. He makes me feel like talking to me is a burden, or that I’m a burden. It makes me feel unimportant, especially when he can find time to go and hang out with his other friends but he can’t find a couple minutes in his day to call me. And just for the record, I’m not talking like 3 hour conversations every night. I realize that that’s an unrealistic expectation. I’m just talking like 5-10 minutes a night just to say hello, see how my day went, that kind of thing. I have talked to him about this before but it didn’t seem to make a difference at all. This is just really important to me and I’m not sure how to go about the situation. I’m going home in a couple weeks and would like to talk to him about it then.
So now that I’ve given a rather long explanation of the situation, here are my questions:
1.) Am I overreacting in how I feel about the situation?
2.) How should I bring up the situation/talk to him about this without sounding like I’m nagging him?
3.) Any suggestions about how I can the situation so it works for the both of us?
Any advice would be appreciated. Thanks for the help.
i am facing exactly the same problem now.Even my bf n me have been in a relationship for the past 1year and 8months..earlier, at the satrting of our rel we used to speak for hours together..but as our exams were around the corner, we reduced it to half an hour. and now my bf wishes to speak for only 20 mins or so. Why dont these guys understand that the calls and the talk is what is keeping our relationship alive? i complained about it n he cites reason like he doesnt feel like talking because he is tired, but he used to speak before, whats wrong now? he speaks to me as if i am some burdern on him..i probably am..thats why i decided to break up with him tomorrow..is it right stacy? should i? i know i am supposed to be giving advice on your prob..but i felt like sharing mine with you..
what i can advice you is..get out to him n ask him, his prob..wether why he doesnt like using his phone.. tell him the importace of talking in a long distance relationship..i have proved out to be a bad gf..dont get to nagging..please dont..just be straight n direct n tell him how much the rel matters to you..if he truly loves you, he will understand!
all the best!
Thanks for your reply. I do plan to talk to him. I've begun to basically write a letter to him so I can make sure I say everything I want to.
I wish I could help you with your problem. A year and 8 months is a long time to be with someone, so it can be hard to let go. The best thing I can tell you is to do what you feel you need to. I would try and work it out with him if he is someone you have any desire to have a future with, but if not, then maybe it's time to move on. I've learned over the years that it's okay to think about yourself and do things to make YOU happy. Because in the end, the only person who can look out for you is you.
Hope that helps... Good luck.