Plz help me in decision making..........
I am 26 year old and i am in relation with a boy of 28 year since last 3 years. And I know him from last 5 years. In day one when he started this relation that 1st day he promised me that he will marry me with well wishes of both families (his and mine).I trusted him and then we took this relation to no limit. we were so intimate in this relation. I accept him as my husband completly in my mind and feelings. he also cared me alot in start. But after 2 years he started seems a little unsatisfied with me as his sexual demands increased and I denied for that except we were cozy few times and did sex 2 times in these 3 years. since last 1 year he start complining that I am arguing with him. So I have decided let him do what he want to do.He told me that his parents are ready for our marriage only if my parantes allows. then the day came my family started pressurizing me for marraige. then I told him this thing. Aftter that he came to my home to meet my parents to ask their permission for our marriage. But my parents rejected him because of intercaste issue. After this whole his parents also against our marriage. on other side my family is pressurizing me for forced marriage as I requested them if you don't want to marry me with this boy because of social honor then atleast allow me that I can continue my whole life as being single. But they are thretening me that we will marry you in our own caste only and if you will not agree then we will do it by force. Right now I am in big mess. Daily I am thinking about suiside but I know its wrong and I am also not having that level of courage to attempt suiside. I want to live but I am unable to live without my love as I am so attached to this guy emotionally.He also said me after all this that he is trying to convience his own parents for our marriage. But during these days my trust over him is also shaked a bit so I contacted him over chat by strange name and as strange girl to know his reaction if some girl asked him for having open relation including sex then what will his reaction. And his reaction also shocked me. Over chat to that unknown girl (which was actually me but he didn't know that), when he was proposed to involve in open relation then he says "yes" to that strange girl at his end, he also talked about me and said that his relation with we was already over 6 month ago as i am marrying to other guy this month. And our relation was just based on lust where he in 1st day said marriage is not possible in our case." This all is just opposite to actual. he also said to that strange girl that he don't smoke but drink sometimes with friends. But to me he always said he never smoke nor drink. Even i know he don't smoke et all but now i doubt is he really don't drink? So now my problem is what step should I take. should I fight for this guy against my family who is ready for open intimate relation with other girl during this time. should i fight for me only because my family is not taking care of my happiness (which i can find in being single for lifetime) they are just considering about their social honor. Should I choose this guy? or to my family? or to just me? Please help me guys I know i have written a lot but i want to share all facts with you so that you all can give me valuable suggestions accordingly. As in absence of any fact decision can be wrong. Please help me. Its my humble request to you all.
I agree with GWENDO! First, choose you always! And the most important part to me is what you have to have to have a successful marriage. A lot of haves there. You have to have love, devotion, and communication which must always include talking about sex even if you are not having it. Since none of these things seems to have really been happening and you might have a choice, choose you. Hope this helps and good luck!
Thanks GWENDO & DMB for your reply.
I am trying to choose me but my family and parents are strictly not allowing me for being single. They are emotionally presurrizing me for marriage as per their will by saying that we are your parents, we will always do good for you kind of stuff. I know they will give their 100% on their part in choosing a life partner for me but their is no guarantee that he will be a good soul and person by behaviour. I am afraid of such risk because just in 3-4 family meeting how can my parents judge other guy's personality and behaviour. And main thing will he accept me with my past or not. These all questions are making my mind restless. I am Indian girl , so please enlighten me how should I go ahead with all this? Thanks for your earlier responses.
You family was not pushing this once they found out he was being a jerk and sex came into play basically so although I don't agree with telling a person what they want, maybe your parents at least have your best interests in mind. I would just be aware, always aware of your surroundings so you can be in charge of your life as much as you can. I say talk with your parents about what you want in a man and why this last one was no good, then see if they will at least respect your wishes. Culture, family, and religion change things so this choice is up to you in the end. Unfortunately only you can really decide where you want your life to go.
I'm with GWENDO on this one.
No my main problem behind the decision of being single is " will other guy which my parents will choose, will he accept my past. As I did sex with this boy of 28. because this fact I can not disclose to my parents but on other hand I don't want to start a new relation of husband and wife by hiding about my past relation with a guy. Issue is will new guy accept me if he will not then some problems can create in marriage life."