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Mixed messages please help..!

Posted by
ALLY1251
on Sep 8 2007 at 01:53
Member since: 08 September 2007
Relationship advice Right, i don't really know who to turn to at this point. I'm not even sure how to type this either. i am in desperate need of help.

i have been dating my boyfriend for two years, we just recently celebrated out two year anniversary actually. and we had a perfect day, we have always been close, we speak almost everyday and see each other as much as possible. Anyway, a few days later, i was in a bit of a stressed out mood but did not take it out on him, so we went in another room so i could relax and calm down, then out of the blue, he says he doesn't love me any more, but he still really cares about me. ((Now, we've had this problem before, he broke up with me months back because of my mood swings, we got back together that same evening and my mood swings have lessoned and I'm generally more of a happy person and we were happy together. May i also mention that he has a bad temper as well, he doesn't always show when he's upset or angry but he can be extreamly snappy and hurtful. He also suffers from a mild form of depression, he tried to end his own life once. Like he asked me to sort out my mood swings, i asked him to sort out his anger. It's normal for couples to argue in a relationship, but after our break-up and getting back together, i felt like i couldn't show him if i was feeling angry or in a bad mood, because i didn't want to upset him or make him break up with me again, i have since said to him that, its impossible for someone to always be in happy mood, i am going to get a little stressed out and angry at times, but its the way i/we handle it that counts.)) Anyway, moving onto the present. this came out of the blue for me, i mean why didn't he tell me he was feeling like this? he said he had been feeling like this for a few days/weeks. in those past weeks we had had little/big disagreements over the phone and in person about something i'd rather not get into, when we argued over the phone i felt horrible thinking he would end it, but it seemed we always fixed the problem. we spoke alot when he said he didnt love me anymore, we were both very tearful and i told him i still love him. we spoke for hours but it felt like minutes,and i kept asking him, is there a chance of us getting back together and he said yes, its very likely, although he still wanted to break up saying that he needs to be single for a while. and he kept dropping little hints which really confused me as to why he is ending it, like one of the hints was when i was saying to him, 'you are going to have an amazing future' and he said 'hopefully we will be back together by then'. what am i to think? In the end he still wanted to leave and so we tearfully hugged for ages and he kissed me on the check and he left. Now i feel so empty and so hurt, and basically words cannot describe how hurt i feel, 2 years is a long time, and i still love him so much, i literally dont know how to carry on without him, he feels like a different person. i couldn't stop myself from ringing him later on in the night when he was home, and he sounded happy saying he had been thinking, he said he doesn't want to break up and he was saying how he always 'screws things up'. so we got back together and we agreed to not see other for 2 weeks because it seemed as he needed space. then he was saying if i came to stay with him for abit, it would help. ((bearing in mind he lives in central London and i live on the outskirts so travel inst easy, and he's always travelling down to me which must be strain on him)). and so we left it for that night. and i ring him today and he's totally confused again, saying we are broken up. and he keeps saying he doesn't know how he feels and he has mixed feelings and basically has no idea what he wants. now, why didn't he just suggest a break instead of ending a 2 year relationship? i asked him that and he said he's not sure if he wants that. but he keeps saying there is a good chance of us getting back together, and that's all i really want. now he wouldn't just say that to make me happy or give me false hope because he said he wouldn't and he isn't like that. but why is he so confused? we have decided that in 2 weeks, we will not see each other but we will still talk and then at the end he will tell me how he feels. i have told him though that if he decides to not get back together, then i cannot continue talking to him, as i will never heal, because i still love him, and its strong. he says he would still like me to though, why would he say that, if there is a chance of us getting back? Another thing, on the phone i asked him how he felt when he left my house, and gave him 2 options, the first was 'omg what have i done!' the second was 'im so glad i told her and got that of my chest', now if he would have went with the second one, i knew there were no chance of us getting back together because he felt relief if you know what i mean, but he went with omg what have i done! which suggests he didn't feel he should have done that. He also said, he thought about coming back! im so lost, and i cant stop crying, he is the best thing that's happened to me and a massive part of my life and now he's gone? we have agreed to speak over this 2 weeks, but no more about the break-up. please help me, has this happened to anyone before? i want to understand why he is so confused, my family have said he needs space, what do you think?? please help!! sorry about the loooong post btw.:)

Mixed messages please help..!
Reply from
ARNOLD
on Sep 8 2007 at 08:51
Member since: 26 August 2004
Has he experienced any other big changes in his life recently? With work, or anything like that? Sometimes a big upheaval like this can lead to side effects such as changes in relationships and approach on life.

Or, I was also thinking that maybe he has met someone else, and is now finding it difficult to choose between you and someone else. Maybe his heart is telling him that he should be with you, but he is lusting for a different woman.

Has he given you any indication why he is confused? I think you need to try and find out what the issues are that are troubling him. Otherwise, you will never understand where his troubles lie in making a decision, and you might even start blaming yourself for the split.

Whilst you have been together for two years, I would also say that this is still quite early in a relationship to be having separation etc... how can you be sure that this won't happen again in another 2 years if you get back together fully now? If it does, then you have set yourself back 4 years in finding someone you have a more steady relationship with. But what do I know... you are the one that loves him, and if he's the one for you, then let's hope that you are the one for him.

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