Why me? I tried
Seeking answers from anyone who has been in my partners shoes. I have been married 11 yrs and together for 15. Two kids 7 and 12. From the beginning I had always had doubts about husband loving me truly with all of his heart. He had a very significant ex before me they had been off and on for years. She had a kid by someone else during their relationship but he accepted the kid as his own anyway. He had dated others but always went back to her. She was a cheating and devious bitch. We met not long after they broke up for about the tenth time. I didn't know how long it had been. During our relationship I tried to act how I thought he wanted and did everything to gain compliments and get his attention but it seemed like nothing has worked. Everytime I tried to talk about it over the years he wouldn't talk he would just get mad. I tried to explain I thought he was not over his ex when we met and that I felt he had never loved me or treated me like he should. He had always been like a roommate. Never like a couple. He was always critical and negative toward my actions and opinions. Wouldn't help me with our youngest son and I had to do everything on my own like cleaning, cooking, going to dr when I was sick, getting up at night now matter if I was sick or not with our sons, servicing my car, I mean everything. I was always to blame in every situation and I always felt alone even though I was married. All of our pics together we are just beside each other but never touching. And never in public either. You all get it. Anyway. I found out a month ago during the first eight or nine months of our relationship he had paid all of his ex's bills, even lied to me and took her away for the weekend and had sex with her, he told me another story about going somewhere with one of his guy friends. This is all while he was living with me. He even begged her back while delivering christmas presents to her and her kid about nine months after we had been living together. I also found out about all of the strip clubs and he had even told me once before about how nice a woman we worked withs ass was. I don't know why I stayed, maybe I ignored the signs. A few years ago when I confronted him with me feeling alone and how I thought he couldn't love me because of his ex, he said, she was his first love and he cried like a baby when she left but he would never cry over another woman. That crushed me inside. When I found everything out a month ago I decided to leave and I was done. Except he cried over me and begged me to stay. Since then he has been completely changed. But I am angry very angry and very hurt. He knows all of this. I don't know how to feel. I love him but I also want to punch him right in the face and hurt him the way he has hurt me over the years. So that is where I am at. Anyone been in my shoes? It has been many years since all of this happened but I recently found out. How do I move on? In a way I don't want to move on I want to leave and say there ya go buddy go find that bitch and fuck you. But I have kids and he has changed his behavior. I can't be close to him. Anyone been in his shoes?
i am certain of his faithfulness since. He says he hates her and he has always said that. But why did he want her back and why in the hell was he with me?
You should forget about it. He is changed now, focus on the future. Anything you do now wont change what he did in the past. But if you start seeing signs, that's when you should end it.