Not sure how to tell him
Ok, I am a first time user. I need advice though so I thought I would try this. First, I already have a hard time telling people what I think because I'm not really all that great at opening myself up to people at least those that know me personally. So, I met this guy about three months ago. I like hanging out with this guy. Well, I haven't been in a relationship in about two years because the last one that I was in ended horribly. So, I did what I think was the smart thing to do and gave myself time to find me again so to speak. That was two years ago. I'm still shy about talking to guys about what I am thinking though. About two nights ago the guy that I am currently talking to told me that we needed to figure out what exactly our relationship is. I was too scared to tell this guy that I like him and kind of wanted to see where things would go and didn't ever say so. Instead I listened to what he had to say. Jumping back for a second though. Just a few minutes before he told started this discussion he told me that he wished that my apartment was bigger so that he could live here (he's in the process of moving into another place) but my apartment is only two bedrooms and the both of us have kids. So, its just not big enough. Back to the conversation regarding our relationship or whatever you call it. He told me that he didn't really know what he wanted when it come to me but that he was really comfortable around me and that he hadn't ever been able to tell a woman just whatever he needed to talk about. At first I thought ok maybe this is a good thing. Then he proceeded to tell me that he wanted to continue to hang out with me but that he wanted to be able to talk to other women too. I don't know if this means that he has "friend zoned" me or that I should take it for just what he said. I am severely confused by this guy because he comes over here, leaves his things intentionally, sleeps in my bed (even though we haven't engaged in sexual activity) stays over night several nights (this time its been a week). Like I said before instead of telling him what I felt I told him that I didn't know what I wanted because I was scared that it would blow up in my face. Now, I feel like I have been thrown into a "friend zone" which clearly nobody wants to be in when they like someone. Another situation that I am in with this guy is if I have been "friend zoned" like I think that I have. How do I tell him that he isn't going to be leaving his things here and that he isn't going to be sleeping in my bed when/if he stays here? Not to mention that friends who happen to be male do not stay at my apartment for weeks at a time and that they usually leave unless alcohol is involved or its very late and they are too tired to drive home. How do I tell this guy that things are going to change because I am not one of his "bro's" regardless of how comfortable he is around me? I feel like I am going nuts trying to figure out what I am going to say to him. I've never been in a situation where I had to tell a "friend" that I wasn't comfortable with what they are doing because they have chosen to only be my friend and that my friends don't do that. I don't even like platonic friends touching me in a way more than a "high five" and this guy wants to tickle me all the time. I don't know what to do.
You're not in the friend zone. He just wants to keep you as an open relationship because since you haven't told him what you want, he doesn't want to be tied down to you yet, cause he feels there really isn't anything serious yet and feels he should be able to talk to other girls. But if you want him to be closer to you, you should tell him how you feel so both of you can take the next step.