Confused & lost
6 weeks ago i found out my husband of 10 years partner of 15 years had an affair that lasted 20 days. the day i found out he told me we were done, we couldn't come back from this. i was devastated, i wanted to work it out, at least try. we have two children together & he did the wrong thing by me yet he got to walk away.he left that very morning that was 6 weeks ago.
i tried on 3 separate occasions to try & get him to talk to me sent emails & text him, i was getting mixed messages from him, he couldn't give me a straight answer. He told me he loved me, would always love me but didn't know if he was in love with me, he would be unhappy if he came back, coming home was the easy option.
for three weeks this went on, i looked into our mobile account & discovered he was still calling & texting the woman he had the affair with, who is also married with 2 children. i couldn't believe it, what hope did i have of trying to get my husband to see sense & at least talk to me, not continually give me every excuses of why he couldn't come back. i even went as far one night or should i say earlier hours of the morning to drive past hes parents where he was staying to see hes car wasn't there, i then drove to her house, again hes car wasn't there. i don't really know if i felt re leaved or sad about that, i know i was worried & thinking "where could he be". A few days past & i discovered he & this woman were both at hes brothers house. i left it for couple of days then text him if or what was going on between them, after 15 years i deserved at least that bit of honesty.
2 hours later i got a text back saying yes there is something between them, they had a brake for the past 3 weeks & have only recently gotten back in contact, he was sorry. i was floored, i was so angry, every time i asked him during the prior 3 weeks what he felt about her or why all the contact he just shrugged it off, said it was nothing. he strung me along for 3 weeks. during the 3 weeks i had become so depressed, the doctor gave me a choice i either went on these anti depressants or i would be admitted to hospital. I wasn't sleeping or eating & had lost 15kg, i had to think of my kids so i took the tablets. i felt as if the whole world had turned against me, still do. i didn't stand a chance against this woman, she was like a new shinny toy. our daughter who is almost 13, has wanted nothing to do with him, she refuses to speak to him or see him. Our son who's 9 only wants to see him if its something fun their going to be doing.
i was being accused of turning our kids against him,where in fact i was doing my best to remind the kids he still loved them & missed them, wanted to spend time with him, but they were hurt & needed time.
i found out he was still seeing her, this just got me really really angry, here i was struggling to make it through each day & they got to be happy, where is that fair.
a friend & i made up a fake profile on facebook, to discover she was lying to her husband saying she was no longer seeing my husband. we tried to be friend her but she wouldn't accept. she did how ever message us back,one night she just let it all go. she figured it was me or my someone i knew so she tried to get a reaction out of us, which she didn't. during the conversation things came out that no one else knew, only my husband, it also appeared he'd told her my weaknesses to use against me. the things she was saying hurt very deeply but it gave me enough along with the mobile log to inform her husband that she was playing him for the fool.
i did just that, hes a truck driver so i sent him a text saying my beliefs & what evidence i had collected. he must of believed me because the following day i got a text from my husband saying he hoped i was happy because he was no longer seeing this woman, it had been brought to an end, followed by i wasn't helping things by telling her husband. he said he didn't want to hate me but i was leaving him with very little choice. i wasn't happy no, but there was a satisfaction in that neither were they anymore. later that same night the woman was out the front of my house, sending me text messages trying to get me to come out, she even sent me a pic of the front of my house saying that my husband gave her the address.
i was getting really angry & ready to go out there, there were two things stopping me one & the biggest was my kids were in the house with me & the second was if i got an assault charge i would loose my job. so i didn't go out there, she sat there for an hour. When i confronted my husband about all the things she'd said he didn't deny it but didn't confess. This woman has been gone for a week now & almost everyday he has found a reason to come over or text me. i still love my husband its impossible to turn that off after 15years. i believe we can work through it,
i looked at him a few days ago & for the first time since all this happened i can see the man i married. everyone is telling me to move on, go on with my life as if hes never coming back. you deserve better.... all the normal things people say because they think it help, it doesn't not really. If he came here tomorrow & begged id take him back in a heart beat, i am taking it day by day right now, i am focusing on me & the kids. i am getting on with my life but i want my husband to come home. i do love him & i do miss him, it is always on my mind if he will come back, i can't seem to let go of this last little piece of hope i have left, i don't want to, i choose this man to be with forever & i want that back. i have forgiven him for the affair, it walking out on me & the kids, not wanting to work at it, not talking to me that has hurt me & i'm not coping with. He came & got our son before to spend some time with him, it took everything i had not to cry & i still need to see him when he brings our son back. this is just getting harder each day not easier.i need some help, i need to know what he's thinking, where he feels it's all at, but he wont talk to me. It's like i make too much sense or make him feel, i don't know.... Can someone help me!!!!!
Oh God! I'm so so sorry. I do have a few things to say to you (outside of 'JUST LEAVE HIM'!!) but a situation like this requires calm. If you would like you can call me. Send me an e-mail with your response to that at [e-mail address removed] I think you need to talk before things go too far. All my care, Kate