I will try and make this short as possible.I meet my husband when i was 16.He said he was 26.Big age gap but things went well. we dated for years.BTW We were not intimate until i was of age.I moved in with him then later we decided to get married i was 23 by that time. Shortly after the wedding i started to learn of all the lies.First that the 4 so called "siblings" that he had custody of because of an abusive mother, were is own kids.Then i learned that their mother had abanoned him and the kids and never returned leaving him to raise them.Also that he had 2 more kids by another women in another state.Then found out he lied about his age he is really 20 years older than.Keep in mind i was young and nieve.Also i found this information over a period of time.when i confronted him he would deny it.Up untill last year when he told me the truth.We have 2 kids together im a stay at home mom.From outside looking in we have a "good life" nice house,cars.He is a hard worker and is a great dad to my 2 kids but to add as though the lies arent enough. He has been physical with me.Only behind closed doors does he get out of hand with his anger toward me.He treats me well around others.only here at home is when he is abusive physically and verbally.Not all the time but i never know what minor thing may piss him off to the point of hitting me.He has never hit the kids!!My family or his would never think he could be this way.Also ive never told my family about either the lies or the hitting.He treats me as if he owns me.He thinks all the things he has bought me should make up for everything wrong that he does.I used to feel like i needed him like i couldnt make it without him on my own with the kids.I dont feel that way now.I realize that he took advange of me being young and that i can leave and be ok without him.I thought i knew him well how could he tell such bigg lies, only for me to find out after marriage!! At first i was too quick to forgive him of all of this without really thinking about it,but its always in the back of my mind. I dealt with this too long im tired.Ive given up.I dont have any respect for him.I still have love for him but not like a wife.Im scared to tell him how i feel.Im affriad of what he might do.Also i know its strange but i pitty him..I feel sorry for him.He dont want to loose me or be seperated from our kids or be left alone at his age.I know i shouldnt feel this way but i do.I need help to be strong enough to leave.Should i get my parents involved?? they are the only people i have to fall back on.Should i tell them whats going on? probably have to live with them until i can get a job and on my feet with the kids.Im soo not ready for all of this but i cant keep living this way.Its only good when i obey his ever word if i dont he is upset.Right now im still here just trying not to piss him off
I'm so sorry for your situation but I do believe that I MIGHT know what is going on, and it's not your fault. I have a strong suspicion that your husband may have a narcissistic personality. Not good.
I don't know if you understand what that means but here is a few examples of what a narcissistic personality involves (doesn't necessarily mean just men either) :
1. He believes that he is never at wrong in an argument (regardless of the evidence against him, even a smoking gun in his hand)
2. If feeling 'cornered' in an argument will revert to insults or revert to some past argument that you may have been at fault with, but has no relevance to the situation/ issue at hand at that time. Making no sense.
3. Will fight tooth'n'nail to preserve his image to the rest of the world as being Mr Nice Guy. Especially his family.
4. He trys to make you think that YOU are the crazy one. Not him.
5. Build up themselves by embellishing (not necessarily lying) facts about themselves in front of other people.
These are just a few things that you should consider when it comes to this man. There are many other signs, these are just a few. But in short I was with one of these men for 3 years (we have a son). So IF this is what you are dealing with, get out. You cannot change this personality. But that is just my opinion going by what you posted.