My alcoholic mother
Hello, Im a 17 year old kid who was abandoned by his mother when I was 3 days old in the snow on my grandmothers doorstep my mom is an alcoholic and my dad killed himself via overdose When I was 14 my mom and my dad were n oever married and my dad loved me but he had his own problems so he wasn't around alot I just moved in with my mom a couple years ago and I didn't realize how much of a problem her drinking had been until about a year ago its been getting really bad lately and she refuses to go to alcoholics anonymous she gets black out drunk and says things and brakes things and wont remember it she has also called her work a few times drunk and im afraid they will fire her if it happens again I love my mother very much and feel obligated to help her but my whole family has already given up on her and I have no body else to turn to I can't go back to living with my grandparents they rare no longer equiped to take care of me and my step father is worried but won't say anything due to the fact that my mom is also a pathological liar and has tried to get us both in trouble with the law when she is beligerant so I guess I have no choice but to let it be
My name's Kate. Can I start by saying that you CANNOT, as you say, let it be. A 17 year old child/teenager does not deserve to be subjected to this kind of environment in one of the most important developmental periods of your life. But I must say, I do detect an incredible amount of maturity on your part by realising that something has to be done, and by that, reaching out. Well Done!
Depending on the type of relationship you have with your step dad, he should be 'stepping up' more. Does he care for your and your mums welfare? As you say that he's 'worried'. And what do you mean by saying that she gets you both in trouble with the law? Does she ring the police up whilst she's drunk, claiming this or that? If so, (and I don't know where you are located) the police themselves can actually be quite a good resource, especially in conjunction with a welfare officer of some description plus the word from your grandparents (are they fully aware of the situation?). There are people that will help.
I'm sure I don't need to tell you this, but your mum has alot of underlying issues outside of the alcoholism, dating back 17 years. So unfortunately you have to 'play parent' for a while. If your stepdad IS really WORRIED then he will come on board with a plan.
On that note (I have to ask) is your stepdad an enabler? Is he an alcoholic/frequent drug user himself? Sorry I have to ask, but I ask for good reason.
Do you still have a good relationship with your grandparents? If so, get them on board as well. Especially if they're your MUMS parents.
But as I mentioned before there are organisations that you can contact ie. the police so that you can explain to them what's going on to help take away the fear of your mum ringing up and making false claims (which is what I've gathered from what you've said). And also, in Australia we have an organisation called 'AlAnon' which is a huge support for those friends and families that are dealing with an alcoholic/drug addict friend or family member.
Just remember to tell your mum how much you love her. Especially when she's sober. Because she's probably feeling very 'judged' right now.
I'm 39 and know this situation all too well. My heart goes out to you.
If you want to talk further my e-mail is: [e-mail address removed] Please don't hesitate to contact me.
Kate has said some brilliant things. Please remember to look after yourself. Your mum is not a pathological liar, she is an alcoholic. She needs help, the best you can do is support her with finding it. You can't give it her.
You also need help, your life must be incredibly stressful. I took my mother inlaw to aa and it helped me to see that their are alot of people dealing with this and there is support for you.
Sending you much love and support