Am I wrong to still have hope?
I've been with my boyfriend for just short of 6 months, and on Thursday night be ended things. His reason being, he couldn't say he was in love with me. I had had a freak out earlier in the day and had asked him, looking for reassurance. He told me he didn't know if he believed there to be a distinction between being in love, and loving someone. When he realised I wanted him to be in love with me, he ended as he didn't believe he could give me what I wanted. All through Friday he contacted me, saying he was feeling empty and numb. He called me drunk a few times that evening, but said the same things - I wanted more than he could offer. We arranged to meet on Saturday to talk things through face to face. It went ok, and we decided to go to his place for drinks. We didn't really broach the topic of us until much later into the evening. It was getting late, and he asked if I was staying over. I said yes, and he replied "ok, but we're not having sex". I told him that hadn't entered my mind, and we forgot about it. We stayed up talking late into the night, and again he told me how I had been the best girlfriend he had ever had, and that he thought I was a wonderful person. He said we should be together, and that he was afraid how he would react when I met someone new. We eventually went to bed at 5am, and ended up sleeping ogether. I didn't initiate it - he kissed me, and said that's what he wanted. I wanted the same. It happened again the morning after, and we spent the following day hanging out watching TV. We cuddled all day, and when the evening came, he asked if I wanted to spend the night again. I said I didn't know, but I did in the end. He cuddled all night, and it felt like any other night. The morning after we got ready for work. Nothing was said at all, we just made the usual chit chat. Before I got off the bus, he kissed me and, again, it felt like it usually did. I haven't heard a thing from his since I left this morning, and I'm avoiding contacting him. I want him to contact me. I should point out that yesterday, he was sitting next to me and I saw that he was talking to his friend via text. He told his friend that things had gone ok with us, but that he didn't really know what was happening between us.
Our relationship has been pretty much perfect since day 1. We get on so well, and have a lot of fun together. I can't believe he would want to throw that away.
I wish I knew what was going on in his head, and I'm terrified that he'll get in touch and say it really is over. I'm so confused - it seems as though he wants us to still be together but, as nothing's been said, I'm in limbo.
Any thoughts would be hugely appreciated!
There is nothing wrong with having hope, sometimes it's all we have. I want you to ask yourself something, are you afraid that your heart will suffer? "If so Tell your heart that the fear of suffering is worse than the suffering itself. And that no heart has ever suffered when it goes in search of its dreams, because every second of the search is a second’s encounter with God and with eternity" - Paulo Coelho’s “The Alchemist”
I'm not saying this young man is the man of your dream, however I am saying that certain things should be faced, it is the only way to know. I know your scared because I am too ( I broke up with my girlfriend out of anger and I am dying to win her back) and sitting and waiting for them to call might not always work, put your heart on the line and say what you feel " I want to be with you, I don't know where things went wrong or is it just in my head. I want to keep this but I can't force you. I'm here"
When you reassure them it helps, and he may need this more than you think, but don't allow yourself to hide hoping for the best, you need to say and do something, the beauty of this scary action is you will finally know...not known is the scary part. it's that scary part that keeps you up at night, the part that makes you check your cell phone because you thought you heard it ring or vibrate, the part that makes you call your own phone because you think the line is disconnected. It is also the part that makes you write a text that is never sent or that is so thought out that it become too long and you start thinking I shouldn't write that or I will add this, etc
Call him, tell him how you feel, even tell him to take a few days. I promise you, it will hurt and it will suck but it's over and done with, you'll get your answers because the scary part will be over.
Love is forever a school of learning you will never graduate from it.
I hope this helps.