PeoplesProblems Logo

Need help with me and a friend

Default profile image
Relationship advice recently a friend of mine made me realize i am in love with my best friend. i have told her how i feel and she just wants to be friends but things could change. yesterday though she told me she is dating a guy and was honest to me about it but it is bothering me when she told me about their date thats coming up, if she is happy i am happy but hearing about the date kinda messed with my head knowing that i wish i could be that guy she was doing that with. how can i get it to not bother me?

Need help with me and a friend

Default profile image
You can not NOT be bothered by it. There are 2 scenarios here: either she only wants you as a friend OR she is interested in you but won't act on it for different reasons (afraid to lose the friendship, afraid you won't work out as a couple, likes you but is undecided etc.) Usually, I find that the girl keeps you hanging and "dates" other guys because she knows you'll be there-like a back-up, sort of. No matter the reason why she is doing it, it's wrong.

So here's what you do: you can't watch her go out with others and not be hurt, not if you love her. You can't be a back-up and you can no longer just be friends with her (ever heard of the friendzone?). So cut her off. Tell her your feelings for her can't be turned off like a switch and that you can't sit around watching her draped on some guy's arm. So, if she really doesn't feel anything for you, you have to put some distance between the two of you. In time, you may be friends again, but right now, it will only do you harm and if she is at least a good friend, she'd understand it.

Tell her EXACTLY that and you will get 1 out of 3 reactions: either she will beg you to stay but understand that she can only be your friend (DO NOT stay), or she will let you go (in this case she's a good friend and time away will help you both) or she will be forced to admit her feelings for you (if she has them).

Make sure to end that little speech above by assuring her that if she does have feelings for you but isn't sure, or just afraid, she can talk to you. That she won't lose you as a friend if a relationship between the two of you won't work out. Point out to her why you are her best friend (assuming you are, as she is to you), point out that you do know her better than any of those guys ever will and everything you like about her. She has to see you like what you are: the one man in her world that knows the most and cares the most about her-add to that the fact that you love her and if she doesn't have similar feelings for you and still wants you to stay with her, she's a bitch.

So best of luck my friend. You need to settle what's going on before it starts to fester and you end up resenting her for something.

Need help with me and a friend

Default profile image
amaZing!!! dats d same thing am also facing....a little advice dear....kno that even if she still wants yu around as a friend, the intimacy is distorted....she ll not be ready to confess her feelings to you even if it is so....some girl are adventurous, tryn to taste other guys and looking for their perfect guy and treating u as a stand by....i'd advise that u make a decision as d first post says...if there is hope for u, gv her space and dont tlk abt ur feelings again and if not go by the hard way and cut her off as much as possible tll tym fixes u again.....alll d bst dear....!!!

This thread has expired - why not start your own?

B-1