The three year rut: why can't I just be nice?
My boyfriend and I have been dating for three years (most of our time in college) and are about to begin our post-grad lives together. We've discussed moving in together for certain next year, and even little hints toward rather vaguely time-lined ideas of marriage (saying cute things like "you wouldn't mind being married to me" or "our wedding will be different... who doesn't have an open bar at a wedding?!"). We aren't rushing into anything; I always thought a long relationship and a long engagement would be ideal. I guess I'm writing this to suggest how serious we are with one another and where our relationship is headed. Right now, I feel like we're in a rut; or at least I am. Sometimes, when he talks, I don't listen on purpose because of how much I don't care. It's not that I don't like talking to him, or even that I think he's uninteresting... but everybody has uninteresting things to say sometimes and when you start dating a person all of those things become words dropping out of the mouth of heaven... i mean I literally hung upon each word he would say to me for the first 6 months (okay, 9!). Now, I hear about his job (where 30% of our friends also work, but not me) and I want to run the other way! Sometimes I can't even be nice to him about his work troubles or other things like it. And Its not that I am trying to be this way or that I want to be... but I often end up thinking (when it's his job he's talking about) "He got really mad at me for bringing too much work drama to our relationship and I worked really hard to channel work venting elsewhere! Why can't he?" I think I might be bitter! Help! Advice! I'm only 21!
Have you ever told him your feelings about the situation? You say he has asked you to channel your work venting elsewhere, he should respect what he is asking. but he cannot know what he is doing is wrong if you havent told him yourself.