I'm in a dangerous dating situation. I was asked out recently by a former cutter. She has almost no one to talk to about her problems and is often depressed. Previous dating situations have caused her great grief. When she asked me out I wasn't sure what to do. We know each other but live in different states. I know online relationships rarely last but she wanted to make it work. She was close to cutting again and I wasn't sure what would hurt her more, turning here down when she's already so depressed, or accepting and risking an imminent break up. I like her more as a sister than a girlfriend and every time she says something nice I feel guilty. I don't want to be in a relationship but I don't want her hurting herself. It hasn't even been two days and I regret my decision... What do I do?
I speak as someone who is currently facing similar depression, unfortunately I do not know this for certain but if someone chooses to cut, they will do it regardless, I was talking to someone on the phone who self harms, he had just cut himself after
I had text him, he responded badly to my messages. Yes I immediately thought, it was my fault, then realised that although I may have been a trigger
, I was not aware.
Your friend may be relieved that you do not want a relationship, as new relationships could be a trigger.
However you have to be true to yourself and understand that it will not be your fault and is not your responsibility to stop your friend self harming.
It is a horrible situation for you
I feel you are right not to Persue a relationship as you both live so far away and would not be BMW to be there and support her.
Hope this helps and makes sense
Here for you
Well i know this is a bit late but even so a new perspective still might help. I'm dealing with a similar situation except... i'm the one who's the cutter/burner.
I have been doing this to myself for years now as i have been suffering from depression and other issues for quite sometime. While though i'm still working through my issues one thing i can say is that communication is key and you just have be completely honest with her.
Angel cake is right, and take it from me, she's going to hurt herself regardless and its not your fault at all, there are just issues she has to work out for herself though having someone to talk to can definitely help whether its a boyfriend or someone who's just a friend.
For me, I ended up meeting someone online who lived far away (i'm from California, he's from China). We later became friends and eventually started dating and meeting in person. However our relationship did go through some serious problems a number of times all of which pretty much stemmed from me and my depression.
Sure having him there did help with things but being in a relationship, and especially since its my first, i was dealt with a whole new set of problems not to mention the whole online/distance thing. This (like Angel cake also mentions) ended up setting off some triggers for me and i burned myself, the worse i ever had actually.
While our relationship did stress me out, i never once thought of him as being the problem and did my best to let him know it wasn't his fault at all. I always knew it was me and the way i handled my problems that were to blame.
After talking about all of our issues as a couple as well as my personal ones I am in a much better place now and i haven't hurt myself since, though i must admit the urge does surface every now and then but instead of following through with that i've continued to express my feelings and things have worked out well so far. Just the fact that i have someone there to talk to helps a lot though in my case that person just happens to be my boyfriend.
Since you don't have feelings for her in that way you should tell her. Lying to her won't help her situation and it'll only end up hurting you as well. Don't feel burden by everything, she's going to cut herself if she wants though having you there as a friend (if that's what both of you still want after you tell her) should still be helpful and comforting, just knowing you have SOMEONE is nice.
I hope everything works out well for you if it hasn't already.
Best wishes, Kaili