Is my husband gay?
My husband and I have been married 25 years. We've had a pretty good relationship over the years. Sex has not always been very satisfying and sometimes not very often. We have 4 children, born fairly close so I've always just thought it normal because of how tired and busy we were. Well 2 years ago, he took on a building project for a remote piece of our property. He hired a young man who was the boyfriend of a neighbor's daughter in his mid 20's. They got along so incredibly well, lots of joking around and laughs. Some of the joking centered around skinny dipping and requests for calling before coming up to the cabin and other suggestive remarks, grant it all in fun. So they spent time working on the project on and off for 2 summers. I've noticed a few things during the course of our marriage to make me pause about my husband but nothing jolting...until recently. I was looking for an important text my daughter sent to my husband's phone and came across this: "I'm up at the cabin drinking rum...alone. When are you coming back here?" This text was sent to the young man who lives far away. His response did not indicate anything other that being unlikely anytime soon. Now I am very shocked, if this had been sent to a woman,I couldn't doubt some kind of relationship between them. So now I'm suspicious so I check often. The other day I found another text. It said " Had a prostate exam yesterday and I thought of you, of course, Love,A." So now I'm out of my mind, how can I doubt something was going on with them other than jokes? As far as I know they don't regularly communicate and have not seen each other due to how far away the guy is. Am i way off base here? I have to say that I have mentioned some things to my husband about homosexuality and he gets furious. He also says he loves me and has never cheated even though he has had several opportunities to do so. Help, anyone with this experience , especially guys who perhaps were married to women but were gay. Virginia
Hi I'm not a man but my heart broke for you when I read your problem. I'm very sorry you have been left with these questions in your mind. From what you have said all of the info you have eg the text msgs lack context. On the one hand he could just be really enjoying spending time with a male buddy. It could be a really nice father/son type bond. Someone to get drunk with, give advice to and put the world to rights with. The text about the prostate check could be innocent perhaps the younger man had confided in your husband about his own medical stuff? On the other hand your instincts are telling you that something is horribly wrong with this situation and as you have known your husband for a long time I think you are qualified in knowing when something is wrong. From the sounds of things if you outright ask him he will be very upset. Are there other aspects of your relationship that trouble you? If so perhaps you could speak with him about them without mentioning your suspicions regarding his sexuality? Are you happy with your sex life for example? Could you try to talk with him about his sexual feelings towards you? Maybe this could be a way into understanding where he at and ultimately where you stand. I hope you find a way through this, much love, fluffy x