So I met this amazing guy online and he's eveything I'm looking for in a person. We got together many times and even though I never met him in real life i know he's the one. The problem is that I've been having a bad depression for many years whicn caused my life to be controlled by my fears, I lost all my friends and couldn't handle school and in periods I wasn't strong enough to even leave bed. But despite all this he made me feel like the happiest girl alive.
But my fears made me extremely jealous and even though I find him perfect in every way he still thought I wanted to change him and I always feared him leaving me which caused lots of argues and he was feeling really bad when i physically hurt myself at times. So we broke up many times but yet we gave it 5 new chances. The last time I had learnt my lesson and everything that had bothered him before was gone. But the past bad experiences was still on his mind and when my life got even worse with home and school then he couldn't stand it anymore since he couldn't afford coming to visit me at that time.
3 months after the breakup he met another girl and they ahve been together for 3 months now and it's killing me inside. All I want is for him to be happy but it still hurts that it's not with me. He kept her a secret from me but I figured out that he had a relationship. After he had met this girl he told me that he had surpressed his feelings for me to be able to move on and whenever he gets tempted to like me then he focus on everything bad abour our past relationship and that he doesn't care about me anymore, even though we stay in touch almost every day.
He still doesn't let me know who she is, but he constantly tells me "that i'm loyal, you finally realise that now" and howhappy they are and how much time they spend together and it really hurts. Because I know for sure that I could have made him happy if I only had gotten earlier help with my depression because our minds are quite similar and we have a special connection. The distance wouldn't be a problem either since even before I met him I had planned to move to his country for studying after finishing my studies in my own country.
I can starve myself for days, cutting myself and mostly sleep, all to take the pain away from missing him, I even quit school. Everyone tells me to give him up but I cant because I fall more in love with him for each day, even having no contact with him for weeks doesn't help at all.
A friend gave me the advice to get my life together, become free from my depression, finishing school, getting friends and hobbies and then my ex will see that I'm really a good person and can have a normal happy life and when I'm feeling better, try to get him back in a year or two when i've worked myself out. That's the only thing that keeps me motivated to leave bed some days but after having my ex getting mad at me telling how his girl is everything i wasnt :not jealous and so on, and that he'll never take me back (which he said before each time we got back together, but he never had someone else then).
So I'm wondering, what to do to win him back? I understand my illness became too much for him, even my own father cut contact with me for same reason. But I know I can make him happy if he gives me the chance since I don't let my fears to control me anymore. Anyone that knows me know that I will never love someone else again or letting someone into my life again. So do I really have a shot or is ending it all the only way?
Thank you if you read all this and replied, I'm desperate now and appreciate all help.
and someone else? this is the reason to why i rather die. I can fulfill most of my dreams in life but none of them will bring any joy since i'll always miss him.
but since it's apparently impssoible to get him back, then there's only one thing i can do, ending all the pain and my life...
Reading your post really hit home to me, I too suffer from depression and am very sensitive, I was in a violent marriage for 13 years and have 2 boys from it, I finally found the courage to move on, I ended up in another very controlling relationship, going from 10 stone to 6 stone in a couple of months, as he said I was fat, he hated my children, used to cheat and assaulted me, as a result me and my children ended up in a refuge losing everything I ever had.
This was the hardest time of my life and many times along the way I contemplated ending my life, but thankfully didn't, I didn't want anyone else and even researched how to win my ex back.
It's been over a year later now and I can say, I am over my ex, I have since been in another controlling relationship which has just ended, again I am heartbroken and struggling to cope, but after hitting the lowest point in my life, I know for a fact that it will get better in time.
Please don't think of ending your life, it may seem like a way out, but trust me, after time has passed you will wonder why you allowed this man to hurt this way.,
You are an amazing person and you do deserve so much better, please remember, at your lowest points in life, it really can only get better for you, I'm sure there are equally alot of people that care about you. Stay strong, I'm send you lots of love xxx
Everyone says the same; i'll find someone else. But it's disgusting. I'd never give in to my feelings if i fell in love and then call it "love", i dont care who i'd fall for, that nothing that matters to me and has nothing to do with love and certainly wouldn't make me happy.
I asked for help to find a way out, but everyone on here sadly only confirms that no matter what i do i wont get him back so killing myself is the only option to get rid of the pain of missing him because there is no better guy than him and he certainly isn't a bad person.
thanks anyway :/
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