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Still in love & overthinking, or not?

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I have been with my hubby for a few years, 2 of which we were living together. I love him, I do even though at times he drives me crazy. We laugh and he means a lot to me. But it doesn't feel like I miss him as much as I used to when he's gone. And his immaturity and procrastinating ways as well as failure to make plans bothers me more now. It may just be because we've been together for a while but I want deep love. I feel it from time to time where everything is just right and it feels so perfect between us but its not a constant feeling and the times when we have fire in our relation is even sparser. I want passion. We haven't had that fire for a while now. I'm a sexual person and my hubby isn't. To say the least it makes me sad and bothered. My hubby is such a good guy and cares deeply about me but because he doesn't express through actions be they plans or otherwise I can't always tell that he is madly in love with me too. Recently we moved forward to buy a house and get engaged and I just find myself wondering if I'm happy enough. I love him and don't want to be single but I don't know if that love is the love that will carry me down the isle and for the rest of my life. Recently I also met a guy that I had befriended and hung out with a few times and although he isn't my type I think that I'm finding myself attracted to his personality and more excited when he texts me than when my hubby does. I oddly miss him when were not talking and I feel an urge to cuddle into him and make his days better. I'm not sure what's happening especially since I know that as a couple we would probably have a 90% chance of failure. I think that my hubby is the only one that will love me for me and fit my specifications for qualities in a man even though it is a little sexually lacking. This new friend although not quite physically does make my libido rise. Which makes me question again how much I can really be in love. I firmly believe that if you want to cheat you should break up, and I don't want to cheat but it is still putting those thoughts in my head. I repeat I would never cheat. But I need to know if I'm more or less getting cold feet from moving forward in my relationship even though I would be the one pushing for marriage or if it is other feelings shaking my core? Do I need to explore my possibility with someone else that may fill other needs in me? Am I doubting my relationship because of intimacy issues? Where do I go from here?

Still in love & overthinking, or not?

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Wow, you are my mirror.. I'm going through the exact same thing.. I know I love him and don't want to be without him but I'm not as I wanna say happy? We actually started talking about moving in together and getting married... But I think my mom is the one holding me back from a lot because her opinion is very important.. Anyways I think if I was really in love like I was back when we started it wouldn't be holding me back... Idk I'm so confused I don't know what to do.... Sorry that I'm not any help :( but maybe we can help each other ? :/

Still in love & overthinking, or not?

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Lovelyy -
I am open to trying to help eachother because I obviously need someone to talk to but I know I can't confide in anyone I know without me altering their view of my bf or myself. I don't want to damage any of the relationships that I have. I'm so confused because when I'm with my hubby I'm happy but as soon as he's out of sight I'm questioning my happiness, and my continued depravation from sexual activity, and I find myself thinking of another guy who I really am just friends with. We've been together for a while now and are trying to buy a house and I don't not want to, nor do I want my life to be without him. But my question is why am I having these feelings then and whats going to happen to them. I'm scared to think what would happen if they evolve and I destroy everything great in my life.

Still in love & overthinking, or not?

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ive heard about all these pre-wedding jitters and it makes you think twice about your partner. are you honestly happy with your hubby? or are you just so used to being with him that you think you love him that much? why dont you initiate that fire and see where it goes from there? if your attempts are futile and not reciprocated-- then time to talk to him. tell him what you really want. maybe he is just waiting for you to do the first move. guys dont do drastic drastic decisions like buy a house or get engaged if they are not serious.. right? think about this before that other guy ruins your future. :) stay happy and grateful for what you have now. the grass is not really greener on the other side sometimes.

Still in love & overthinking, or not?

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@lostandundecisive
I spent a lot of time with my fiancé today.. And had this post in the back of my head the whole time... Idk why we have these uncertainties. I know what you mean by not being able to confide in anyone around you. I wish I could just talk to someone here but I know they'll change th way they view him.. I love him so much but I question is, is love enough? What do you think?

Still in love & overthinking, or not?

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@Lovelyy
I know that the grass is always greener on the other side like mentioned but if its more than jitters than the problem is real. I ended up cheating on my boyfriend with this other guy and then leaving him and moving out without any real explanation. Don't get me wrong it wasn't sudden at all we talked about our issues and my freak outs every day. We are both hoping to get back together in the future but I don't want to do that until we fix the problems that led me to find solace in another guy. He doesn't know I cheated and there was no sex but it feels so good when I'm with the other guy because of this connection we have and its great because I need to be wanted since my boyfriend never wanted me sexually. I've been telling him since the beginning of the month he should be tested for low testosterone but even though he said he would a month later he hasn't done it and is comparing it to taking steroids if he does have it. I would think that such a small thing would be a step to getting me back and fixing our issues. Its a small effort I think. We are just comfortable together and I want more than that? Is that so much to ask? We didn't even communicate anymore especially via text anymore because we were so comfortable. He says he misses me so much and all this other stuff but I feel that his words don't mean much because there are no actions to support them - he's not trying to fix our problems. To make matters more confusing my 'friend' likes me I like him, but neither of us are ready. And my and my ex are still in the house buying process.

Still in love & overthinking, or not?

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@Lovelyy
Getting back to your question. Is love enough? No. It isn't, you can love someone and not be happy and I'm not just talking about my current relationship issues. Happiness is the determinant - love and happiness.
Continued from my last post - My friend and I started getting this intense sexual tension from the time of my first post and it just advanced until I broke. I've been starved of this kind of affection and lust. I've had sex around 15 times this year and orgasmed with my partner even less. It isn't sex but its still enough that I had to become single. Although I'll never have the moral high ground I've always had, I feel I did the right thing by becoming single even though I haven't told my ex yet. I love him, I really do but I don't know if I'm in love with him. I miss him now but I'm enjoying my time with my friend and am still more excited by his texts than my ex's - still no sex between us. I believe that me and my ex just got comfortable. I know and admit that I would be scared to be single single. And that my ex loves me for me all flaws included. Which is amazing. But he is the safe bet. Is the safe bet the right choice or should I be fighting for happiness that I didn't realize was so lacking until I met a guy that I don't even truly see a possible future with.
By the way I'm real sorry I never got the notifications that I got more responses so I didn't check back on the site otherwise I wouldn't have waited so long to get back to discussing our issues lol.

Still in love & overthinking, or not?

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First of all, this will sound harsh, but it's just my personal opinion :-)

Love is overrated. If you're in a relationship and you are mostly great together but you're unsure about if you're love is big enough: I'd say get it together. That is not a deal breaker. It seems to me that so many people have such great expectations for love and if it doesn't look like in the movies they have a problem.

In what way do you expect your next relationship to be better than the one you have now when he actually is a great guy and you have a lot of good things together? The first thing I would do if I were you was take a good look in the mirror and ask yourself if you have done everything you can to make this relationship work. You are two different people and in order for two people to grow together you have to constantly check in with each other and adjust things that don't work and do more of the things that do. How good are you at talking about the things you want and wish for in your relationship? How good are you at nurturing the good stuff and not the bad?

My relationship to my wife of 10 years is in the dumps... at this point the easy thing would be to call it quits. I've done everything I can to make it work and she still doesn't feel the love. Has she left me? No, and she is not going to either. Not until we can say we did everything we could. Is it hard to be in a relationship where I am missing love, sex and the possibility to be able to love someone else back? Yes, of course. But I am thinking that's ok. For a while it doesn't matter because if we both decide to make it work to the best of our abilities I'm confident that it will work. If you and our partner have been completely open about where you are and what you want and you're ready to give it your best, then start to act like it. Do things that you want to do when you're in love. Put him first. Send him texts. Write notes. Kiss him.. just because. You'll start to feel the love and you will get love back. Love is something you have to create, it's not something that you will get or something that happens just magically. It's good, old tiresome work and just like with a good days work you can go to bed with a smile on your face :-)

My moral is, don't give up so easily and make sure that you have done everything you can before you say enough is enough.

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