Ok...here goes, thank you in advance!
(Little bit of back story, before the main event...last year was a hard year all round, ended up going to see a psychotherapist, which I would recommend to anyone...anyway, swore off men, to concentrate on myself and my life) Fast forward to December last year, I was in London visiting friends, and this man walked into the pub, it sounds absolutely ridiculous, and I scoff at myself for some of the things that I will say, but the minute I saw him it was like I knew him, he was older than me (I'm 28, he's 39) anyway, we didn't talk, just looked at each other. At the end of the night, I left my friends to go dancing, and walked away from the pub. This man came chasing after me, and asked if he could have my number and we could meet for a drink....I'm not one for giving my number out so he walked me to where I was going dancing. We spent the night talking, and laughing, I've not laughed like that for as long as I can remember. Anyway, lovely night, saw him two days later for a coffee, and it was just effortless. Literally was love at first sight. He visited up north once a week and I went down to London. I knew he had two children, and likewise I had one. He told me he was married but going through a divorce etc. Things were amazing, me and my little one relocated to London at the beginning of February (I was moving for work) and it made things easier for us. a few days into February, when my little one was at her dads, this man caused an argument for nothing and said he couldn't cope with being with me because too many men look at me, so he left me. I was devastated, it came out of the blue. He came round the day after to drop his key off and he was uncontrollably crying. I spent a week wondering what had happened. I then found out he'd text one of my friends the day he left saying please look after her, I can't explain things, but she is the love of my life. ANYWAY, doing my usual on the internet I then discovered his ex, is actually his wife!!!! I emailed him and said I was disgusted. After a week or so, I calmed down and sent him another one, just explaining that I wish him well, and I really did, I love him with all my heart and I really really want him to be happy! He then contacted me after 4 weeks of not hearing from him, he turned up at my work, crying, being sick, we said our proper goodbyes and it was just awful. The stupid thing we did was see each other again and again for the next few weeks. Then one day he came to meet me from work, we went back to the park, talked and then went to mine and sat and just were us, and when he left I just knew I wouldn't see him again, and I haven't or heard from him again. My question is simple, am I grieving? I have no idea, it's been 4 months and I honestly cannot cope at the moment at all.
PS....I'll make it clear, I know i'm not coping etc, but I feel so lucky to have had him in my life even for just the short time that I did. x