I like this girl but....
Long story, but here is the most of it. I have a girlfriend and have been dating her for about 4 years now. I love her, but she is always away for work and school and can never text or call, and if she does its only for a brief minute before she goes to work or does homework. Just frustrating and hard to deal with as Im several hundred miles away at work. .....
With that being said, there is this girl that I have been working with for the past 2.5 years. We get along very well, joke around, and she is very flirty. We text a lot, off and on, with me usually being the one to start the conversation. Though she will text me randomly, "your dumb" or I'm drunk
, "your face", etc...her name is Carol and she recently broke up with her boyfriend, who she was dating the entire time we were working together. She will reply to my texts immediately, and always reply, either with a short sentence or long reply, but usually a witty short remark to my text. When she seems annoyed I stop and try to only text her occasionally, more as someone to talk to or ease boredom. It sucks though because I have grown to like her quite a bit. She will look at me through the corner of her eyes, always "play" make fun of me (and I do it back) at work and we rarely hang out outside of work but I get invited to do stuff off and on wither her and another friends. Also, she instigates play fights with random objects and games to play while at work, sighs occasionally and walks off. Water fights and and strong laughter is VERY common day-to-day thing. She doesn't share much personal information or what she's done in the past that might offend me. She always seems off-putting when I mention my girlfriend, Sarah. Dismisses the convo and rarely brings her up in any sorts of convo even if she was mentioned about that certain topic earlier. Her texts are brief however, not too engaging to what I text like "aw man what a stressful day" and shee will say "bummer deal lol" occasionally add a "why" there. or say something cool and she will say "cool stuff" or something along those lines. But at work there is always humor and engagement. Facebook messges are read and replied to just like the texts brief but witty.
It seems like I'm always the one texting her though and she could care less if I do. Is this true based on the very little information I provided? I just really want to know, its killing me!
Now back to my girlfriend of the time being. I will never ever cheat on her and still visit and she is aware of carol and the fact that we hang out both at and outside of work.
Just really in the confusing stages of my life (25) and would really like some input on the situation. She is recently single and occasionally talks about this other guy she hangs out with while at home (travels there on the weekend). I can stand thinking of her getting another boyfriend, but then again I have a girlfriend....we have just (seemed to anyway) grow onto each other (maybe me more to her). Just don't know what to do, I really really think it would be amazing to spend more time with her, but think I need my focus to go to my current girlfriend, but its hard because I never see her.. Any information would be great about the overall situation!! thanks!!!
Dear David C,.
Thank you for being courageous enough to share your story. I am a girl so when I say this, it's all coming from a girl perspective and with your situation, sometimes it's nice to get both perspectives. You have been dating Sarah for four years so in respect to you, I feel as though there is some kind of loyalty and love towards her. With such a busy schedule, sometimes it's hard for partners to communicate HOWEVER, there should be given time that you two put aside just for communicating or being together. I can understand that it is frustrating and difficult to deal with, but when you really truly love someone, you make the necessary sacrifices to be with just that person. If you are not happy with Sarah, although you guys will most likely never forget about each other after having four years of history together, maybe it's best to let it be. A positive aspect would be the fact that it would be a little easier to move on considering you guys are miles and miles apart and you both have multiple things that you could use to take your mind off of the break up.
As far as Carol goes, she just recently broke up with her boyfriend. Don't allow yourself to be a rebound because she was honest enough to tell you that there is another guy. Therefore, she could possibly just be trying to get over that break-up. She's talking to multiple people and she's trying to get out there. There is a possibility that she may just be this fun loving friendly person and you shouldn't allow that to make you think she's truly interested. If she is extremely interested in you, she will let you know. She seems likes a very playful girl and most young girls are, so I would definitely wait it out to see what she comes up with. However, don't wait on someone else when you have a girlfriend. Carol may just have the personality that you long for.. Don't take offense to this, but Carol seems to be moving in on you because you are allowing it due to the fact that your girlfriend is so far away. Ask yourself this: If my girlfriend was here with me all the time, would Carol and I still be like this? The answer should be no if you genuinely love Sarah. I do think that Carol likes you a lot as a friend and finds it fun to flirt with you, but you as a loyal boyfriend, should not be doing the same in return. Imagine how you would feel if your girlfriend started hanging out with another guy and did all the things that you do with Carol with him. I think Carol could possibly be struggling with the fact that she knows you have a girlfriend so she tries her hardest to be respectful of that and yet she knows that some of the stuff that you guys do (flirt, etc) isn't right when the person you're trying to flirt with is in a relationship. Flirting can lead to other things so be very careful. Remember that not everyone enjoys texting as much as they do talking. I'm guilty of that myself - I love to talk and am very talkative when in person but behind a text message, I come off short and to the point. Don't use Carol to alleviate your boredom. That's not fair to her nor to you and Sarah. It is possible to have a genuine friendship but being that you're still with Sarah, it should be just that - a friendship. I do think Carol cares about you and your friendship and I do think she enjoys talking to you but I would back off a little just in case she is thinking about getting with someone else. You have a lot to think about but where it all starts is whether or not you're happy with Sarah. Once you answer that question and are honest with yourself about it, that's when you can start thinking about other women.
I don't know if you believe in God or not, but I want you to know that He is with you at all times and you're not alone in this situation. Trust in the Lord to make you better and heal all wounds. All wounds do take time and I have faith in your problem that within time, it will all get better. I'll pray for you. Keep your head up, darling. I wish you the best.
Love, Pazley ♥