I am in a relationship where my boyfriend and I are very close, he is very committed as we are getting married next year and he spends all his time with me. He is a highly stressed person studying as well as working but he is very impatient and always seems to get cross over the smallest things and blames me. He isn't abusive but it really hurts me how he can't just be nice when he says things they are always critical and I have noticed he is like this with his brothers (who also get very hurt when he treats then in this way). I do stand up for myself but I don't know what to do anymore when he always seems to flip at the smallest things. I feel as though nothing I ever do is good enough for him especially as I am a very thoughtful and caring individual yet he is quite brutal in the way he says stuff. He always apologises when he knows he has hurt me and blames it on the stress. He has never physically hurt me or called me cruel names but they way he says things hurts - am I being too sensitive?
Are you too sensitive? NO! No one should have to constantly put up with someone else's anger vents. You're a woman, not a verbal punching bag. You're also feeding into his excuse of "stress as the cause" and making allowances for his unacceptable behavior. I know you love him and facing this is hard, but seriously, you have a huge red flag waving in front of your face on this one. Don't ignore it! Abusers don't start out by using physical violence...they'd lose their victims too fast. They use their words to injure and slowly build towards the first slap or punch. It may not come to that with him, he may never hit you, but I'd bet dollars to donuts this verbal abuse of his won't end, and keep in mind that sometimes verbal abuse is FAR more destructive than physical abuse. There will ALWAYS be a good reason for it...you'll always be blamed. This type of person never takes responsibility for thier own actions. They apologize yet place the blame elsewhere (ie: stress, exhaustion). If I were you I'd look into information online about verbal abuse, abused women etc. and then take a long hard look at your relationship BEFORE you marry him. You could be setting yourself up for a lifetime of misery. My words may seem like I'm overreacting, but trust me, been there, done that. I wasted 11 years on a man that sounds an awful lot like your man. Please read what you wrote again and ask yourself what you'd say to your best friend if she had written it. I'm sure you know this isn't right....and that you deserve much better than this.
dont even think of marrying this man as you will be making the biggest mistake of your life! it is like a mirror image of exactly how my reationship was, with my partner. i put up with his excuses of why he was so short tempered and forgave him because i loved him. he will eat away at your self confidence and manipulate you into thinking you are to blame for everything wrong in his life and the reason why he acts like he does. you will end up just concentrating on his needs and expectations just to keep him happy. you will live a life walking on egg shells and always waiting for the next ;little; thing to trigger him off. i am sorry but it will not get any better because i have spent 10 years waiting for my ex to change. unfortunately he did change. he was no longer happy with the snide remarks and hurtful comments. first a push, then a hand round the throat, until last time he attacked me. he looked evil and he lost it completely. we are now finished as he would not accept he had done anything wrong. i just wish i had done this sooner and not wasted so many unhappy years. it is hard, as you still remember the good and nice person you love but i couldnt have one without the other. a real jekyl and hyde. i know you will only do what you want to do but he will not get any better and you will just spend a lifetime trying to make him into someone he doesnt even want to be. best of luck and i hope you find the courage to do the right thing.
hi there, i have been in the greatest love of my life for over a year, and its been dying out over the last two months. i just didnt apprechiate her as much as i realize i should have. We had an arguement one time about consideration of pedistarians while we ride bikes, and then it went more downhill later that nite and i squeezed her too hard. and i did its one other time, and then when she ended it after trying a month off and coming back to me in a few days and leaving for good, i wouldnt let her leave when she droppe dme off, i hung on the car, i squeezed her, i chased her, and held her, she said she hated me, and i let her go, after acidently herting her arm or finger pulling her in to hug, and let her finaly drive away after like 25 minutes, i bauled and bawled , and i feel like i am a horible person, i cant believe i got physical is there a chance she would forgive me, and what sort of help should i get to make sure i never become physical again.
SaffyChick,I have read your other replies and they are both decent accounts and predictions of someone with this nature. I have been that person being angry,bad tempered abusive and although i have never hit anyone in my life 6 months ago it came to a point when i slapped my loved one (see my problem 15 year relationship ended! i hate myself) The stress and the worry is a major factor but not an excuse i have learnt that, the hard way. I don't know if your boyfriend is good at talking out and handling problems but i wasn't. i would bottle them up hoping they would go away and not affect me or the person i loved. This was wrong and the problems should be talked about and an attempt made to resolve them even they cannot. I too like your boyfriend worked hard and studied and with financial commitments it was difficult. I would drink to unwind but always have a blowout which started off as just shouting about things then i would blame my partner for stuff which was totally not right. it has taken me a long time to admit to myself that i have flaws and responsibilites and that my coping strategies needing reassesing, i have done that now and i don't drink which was the trigger foor the blowouts, yes i still get stressed and uptight at things because thats normal and when you care about something or someone you do. I had counselling which brought to light many family upbringing issues that i never even thought had had an effect on my behaviour and thinking, maybe your boyfriend should do this. i am sure he loves you very much as i did my partner but he must admit he has something to address, you are not to blame for anything, you are just the nearest person to him and sometimes you take for granted that person without thinking of their feelings which is selfish but when then demon of anger and stress comes along it is hard. He needs to know in those situations what he is going to do to confront them, if you have no plan then its not good. Talk to him and tell him you understand his flaw and want to help because you love him, but he must admit it and not just that do something about it, words are not enough trust me! people can change, its not instant but small changes are a start. i suggest you do hold off on marriage until he is sorted out and don't be afraid to use this as a sort of blackmail in a good way. if he realises what he is going to loose that should be enough. don't let him continue to the point of no return as it will hurt you and him also, he would have to live with what he has done for the rest of his life and that is not pleasant. I wish you all the best, both of you x
hey, no your not being to sensitive, i would guess that there is someting bothering your bf i have no idea what but some people are not as sensitive as others, maybe he jsut has difficulty expressing his feelings, alot of guys can have this problem.