My husband and his girlfriend
Hello, I'm writing, because if I didn't let it out I would explode. I've been married for two years now and overall it was a happy marriage. Lately, I am not happy at all. My husband lost his job 4 months ago and doesn't do anything about that matter to make things better for us financially. I am 26 years old and I am ready to have children, but it goes without saying that my husband doesn't share my feelings, because of "the rough times we're going through". I've discussed this issue many times with him, but his excuse is that we're not ready to have a child, because we don't have enough money and he is scared I may get fat!!!. For me that is a lame excuse, because if he can find money to buy an expensive DVD player for his car with unemployment fund money, then he can definitely find a way to raise a child and what if I become fat? Does he only love me because o my looks? But that is only one of the problems. We have these friends who got engaged recently (two days ago). When my husband was let go from work, he came closer to the female friend, since she is not working either. I work from 08 am until 6 pm with one and a half hour brake in the noon and that gives them a lot of time to go places and discuss and laugh and stuff. I used to think of the girl as my friend before all that happenned, but when she started to discuss her problems (and very private, intimate ones) with my husband instead of me, I became defensive and aggressive. I feel very left out. My husband trusts her more than he does me. He trusts her with his problems and he even said to me that I have become very negative and he prefers to spend time with her because"she's such a positive person". I was shocked to hear that and I sat my husband down and expressed all my feelings to him concerning the situation. How betrayed I felt by my "friend" who didn't even ask if I was OK with her going out with my husband. Whenever I called him she would pick up the phone, she would be with him, many times they were alone in our house. My husband says that she is more like a sister to him, than a friend and that he doesn't want to lose any more friends. But I do not feel like I'm his priority any more. And she betrayed me as well. I'm sick of pretending and sick of being suppressed by this whole situation with my husband while he is having fun. When the issue of the baby came on again, he told me that he did not want any more problems (baby = problem) in his life. I still love him so much, by day by day he gets further and further away from me. I can't recognize him any more. I don't have anyone else to talk to about this problem, because I am afraid people will judge me and laugh at me. I thought of divorce many times, but then said no, we'll talk it through. But he became so defensive, whenever he understands it's a beginning of a serious talk and he said he is so fed up of talking, because we have so many problems. I don't feel understood, I don' feel respected. I became so depressed I thought of suicide, but then decided I'm stronger than that. Whenever I feel upset or cry (rarely) he just ignores me and plays a game on playstation or watches TV, or falls asleep and i feel like I deserve better than this S***. Please tell me what you think, because I'm going insane. Thanking you, L
Hi after reading since you asked the opinion of others this is what I think....
Sounds like you've done all the talking but have you brought the idea of going to a marriage counselor? If you have and he still refuses to I would suggest that you just go on about your own business. But first try to write him a letter if talking to him seem to not work. Put everything down into writing. Explain what you are going through and with no disrespect I think the other party involve is rude in this situation. Let him know or remind him what marriage is all about and why he has marry you in the first place. In the mean time focus yourself for you. Yes you deserve better than this and show him just that. You are not going to sit around and be disrespected. Divert yourself into doing positive for you. This will not only give him the space he need but this will also show him that you are far better with or without him. And it's a choice he has to make to be part of what could be wonderful for you both. This girl that you consider a friend? She's not a friend. A friend should know when to back off when she's becoming an instrument for two people becoming apart. Get yourself busy with your family and friends, reach out to the community. Join the gym, get fit exercise is great and wonderful for your mind body and soul. Trust me I know!!! Good luck I hope he see the wonderful you before it's too late.
this is a delicate matter you both need a prof marriage counseillor not a friend
Hello dear friend, I agree with both responses..but I have to say...you have nothing to feel ashamed about. Honestly he sounds like he's disengaged...dropping the ball mentally and emotionally. I don't know you. But honestly anyone with a brain can see that he's not being a man and reverting to childish ways of dealing with things. So, I just wanted to say not to rag on him as much as point out that you have NOTHING to be ashamed of...and it is NOT your fault that he is behaving this way...it is HIS fault. His own selfish, childish behavior is his own fault.