My sister hates our family
"first sorry for my poor English" we used to love each other as a family, we were happy. my younger sister and I used to love our parents but as she left us to study at university and fell in love with a guy every thing chanced.he- in our idea- was a narcissist and has no respect for her and her life her education .... with a huge difference in culture. she ask about us our ideas and we told, and she get angry and step by step she start to say that we are stupid and do not understand any thing and she is the one who were in university and lived in a big city..... we said that you asked us for the advice and we just answered you.now she say that she hates us specially our mum. i know the i were angry with her because of the words and the way she talked to our parents-we used to talk to them (our parent)with respect- and so i said bad thing to her and also she did the same and that great fight happened. but soon I felt sad about what i did and even cried day and night. they broke up after 2 years .she said that she loves her but she knew that he wasn't the right one for her but she still hates us each day she tries to break my heart, she make mum to cry each day, i can see all the hate in her. sometimes i feel like she would be happy if we all dead. each day i hear her shouting one of us that she hates us. i am sad very sad i feel guilty i tried to talk to her and tell her how i loved her in her birthday. but nothing chanced she hate even more. now she doesn't talk to me at all. even doesn't look at me. i don't know what to do. I am tired of this great hate and fight and shouts.i am tired of thinking about suicide. our parent they get older and depressed so bad. dad is diabetic I am worried about their health. someone tell me what to do plz? is there any way to be happy again?
she needs counseilling, she has become negative,ask her to change her lifestyle,a fresh start
I feel bad for you as I have the very same problem. My sister is unhappy with her life and blames her family. If we try to help she starts a fight, if we stay away she's still not happy. She controls the family in this way -I think she needs to as she has no control over her life.
I have learnt that I cannot change her and no change I make will make things better. Only she can change and no one can make that happen but her. You must detach yourself and work to build up happiness in your life and your family life. If you don't feed the fire it will go out so leave her to sort things out without drama. If she wants a change she will find a way back just leave the door open for her.
Find some joy for you! Life is too short
I think Jenna is right. She said:
"Only she can change and no one can make that happen but her. You must detach yourself and work to build up happiness in your life and your family life."
At say, 25 to 28, I was a very negative, angry person. I didn't know it, but my mind chemicals were changing and I was becoming a manic-depressive who needed medicine. The medicine I needed was lithium, which brought down the mania, and made the depression less severe. I also now take an anti-depressant.
It took me a large number of years to get diagnosed right, and then medicated right.
So your sister may be having some emotional trouble, and it's coming out as anger.
That's your younger sister, and as the older sister, you still want to take care of her. That's very nice. And you have a lot of emotions. That's very good.
But your little sister is growing up, and you can't control her emotions or brain chemicals like you could when she was a child and you could give her an ice cream cone and it would make her happy.
Set an example for her by the way you lead your life. Remind her that her father is sick, and both of you can try to help him. Help others if you can't help her.
What do you do to occupy yourself? Do you have a job? Do you have hobbies? As Jenna said, "work to build up happiness in your life and your family life." Words of wisdom there.
Below is a column I read on being positive. It helped me. Maybe it can help you.
Unconsciously, I was negative and didn't know it because it was in my uncon., but for some reason I had difficulty solving problems.
When I came across this col. below, on being positive going into a problem, I knew what my problem had been: con., I wanted to solve the problem, but uncon., I was neg., and until the 2 parts of my brain could work together, I wasn't going to solve a lot of problems.
This col. helped me to train my uncon. to be positive. Prior to my next problem, I said to myself, just read this col. first. The problem isn't the problem. The problem is my uncon. neg.
So before my next problem, I said, read the column first. Don't think about the problem.
The real problem is your attitude about the problem.
I read the col. first, and by the time I got to the 4th paragraph, I had solved the problem, by first clearing my uncon. of neg.
When away from the col., and I had a problem, I would say to myself, "Think positive, think positive...." again, trying to clear the neg. from my uncon.
Here's the col. below.
by Niki Scott
June 21, 1994
“We all know people who race around in small, futile circles whenever they’re present with a problem to solve, and others who seem to be natural-born problem solvers—able to tackle obstacles, calmly, logically and effectively.
“Fortunately, being a good problem-solver is not a genetic trait. It’s a learned skill, one that can be learned at any age. If you want to improve your problem-solving skills, here are 10 steps that will help:
"The three most important things of a good problem solver are attitude, attitude, and
attitude. If you think of obstacles as anxiety-producers and unfair burdens, you almost certainly aren't an effective problem solver."
“If you view obstacles as opportunities to gather new information, stretch your imagination, learn new coping mechanisms and achieve more control over your life on the other hand, you’re probably a problem-solving whiz.”
“Be an optimist. If your general outlook is pessimistic, you’re probably not a good problem solver. Facing every puzzle with the assumption that it’s probably unsolvable practically insures that it will be.”
“Happily, changing from a pessimist to an optimistic frame of mind isn’t as difficult was it might sound. Pessimism isn’t a genetic trait, either. It’s a habit of thought we learned as children—and can unlearn as adults.”
“Keep an open mind. Most problems have not just one solution, but many—and sometimes the best ones sound far-fetched or even bizarre at first.”
“Be flexible. Force yourself to give up old, outmoded ways of thinking or acting even though they’re comfortable. Experiment with new ways of thinking and acting, and you’ll be surprised by how quickly THEY become comfortable.”
“Believe in yourself—no matter what. If you believe you’ll be able to solve a problem, your chances of solving it double. Review your past successes—frequently!”
“Take one step at a time. We all want guarantees that our imagination, diligence and hard work will pay off, but good problem-solvers are able to concentrate on the job at hand and move toward their personal and professional goals without
blueprints or guarantees of success.”
“Ask for the help you need. There’s no shame in needing help—only in being too self-conscious, too self-protective, too proud or stubborn to ask for it.
“Don’t ask for help you don’t need. Those of us who were taught as children to run to an adult whenever a problem arose, or encouraged in other ways to be helpless and dependent, may find ourselves automatically seeking help now when a problem arises—whether or not we really need it.
“Resist the temptation. Asking for assistance before we’ve honestly tried to solve a problem robs us of our dignity, self-respect and self-confidence—too high a price to pay. “
“Respect the process—not just it’s outcome. Never discount a learning experience just because you didn’t get an A+ on the test.”
“Regardless of whether you’ve been completely successful at solving any problem, working on it almost certainly has gained you valuable experience and insight—good tools to bring with you the next time you have problem to solve!”
'Finally, never hold the past over you own head. Learn what you can from your mistakes, give yourself credit for trying, then wipe the slate clean, quickly, and give yourself the same sympathy, understanding and encouragement that you’d gladly give to any friend.”