Recent sex drive to much
I recently have felt alot more urge for sexual passion. This past month my fiance and I have had sex more than usual (we generally have sex atleast twice a week) this past month it has almost been nightly, at the beginning of the month she told me that she doesn't understand how I can always be ready for more, that it was starting to bother her because she feels like she isn't doing enough to satisfy me. I reassured her that isn't the case, when we have sex its amazing. Very Passionate normally ending with both of us climaxing together (she starts and it puts me over the edge). We have been together for 5 years and we are getting married soon, Its getting to the point where I just want to spend all of our time in the bed room. But I know I need to restrain myself, if she doesn't want to have sex, I cant blame her for that especially since we are pretty sexually active as it is. What I am asking is how can I quell my urges, I started working out 2 weeks ago but that isn't doing anything, actually after I get home and get out of the shower alot of the time I am wanting her more and often take her right then. I've tried masturbating on my own but it seems very unsatisfying, ya I do finish but Its missing that passion that I have with her and honestly it makes me want her all that more. Last Night were getting ready to go to bed and she lays with me and running her hand up and down my chest and it was like nothing I was wanting to go... She didnt want to do anything but she was willing to, I refused and kissed her good night and kept myself from my urges. To wake up with blueballs, I need to figure out something to quell my urges, I love my lady to the core, and its not just sex that I love with her, we do other things and always have fun, its just recently that my urges have been getting abundant
Masturbation isn't working because this isn't purely sexual. So if it isn't genuine sexual urge, what is it?
I think the biggest clue is the fact you say you're getting married soon, after 5yrs together. This suggests one of the following possibilities going on (because it's difficult to really know, going on such limited data):
1. You have a naturally extremely high libido but anything less than the ability to trust your partner implicitly inhibits it significantly. Now that you're approaching what you see as a place that can offer a state of total safety - voila! - the lid has come right off, giving your libido free rein for once. Either that or/and it's your age, having reached your individual peak. It could, however, suggest a sudden hormonal imbalance so you might want to visit your GP to get your levels checked, just to eliminate it from the enquiry, as it were?
2. Sex is a form of non-verbal communication... far stronger than verbal, in fact (- actions speak louder). You're *not* quite sure enough about how eager and committed she is or will remain (or perhaps yourself?) in the longer term, and are using sex as well as making constant demands as a way to test her out, as well as to gain reassurance and a measure of her true strength of feeling without in the process having to render yourself vulnerable by verbalising your sense of insecurity in this regard.
It could be a combination of 1 and 2, meaning, you're surer than you've ever been about anyone but would prefer to be 100% certain. That, I'm afraid, can only come with more time than 5 piddly years: To a certain extent you have to get *into* the box in order to know precisely what living in it will be like (despite it would be wonderful if we all could have that lifetime pre-guarantee).
3. You're unaware that you're getting cold feet and using this (no offense) 'sex pestering' as a method of pushing her away in order to manipulate *her* into being the one to introduce a little distance or do the finishing or wedding-postponing. (This needn't mean you aren't sure about her, per se. The disquieting element could simply be "The Big M".) Yet because you're neither sure you want this relationship ended/lessened nor preserved and further forged - because it's too 50/50 - this is putting you into conflict with contradictory behaviour to suit, i.e. trying to find measures to put paid to your urges and demands as comes up against the equally strong co-existent counter urge to bond-bond-bond.
4. Alternatively or additionally, with marriage looming, you feel her having relaxed her attention and TLC that bit too much for your liking, and this is your way of trying to introduce a bit of drama (and in a way that's most fun or safely un-interpretable)?
Only you will know deep down which one or combination of the above is correct. But if it's number 1 - the inhibitory lid having come off - then I'm afraid the issue of sexual incompatibility via markedly differing libido levels is beginning to surface for (understandably) the first time.
Indeed, it's not logical (, Captain) for a woman to state she feels her man wanting more frequent sex with her is an indication of this area being *dissatisfactory* for her, is it. Au contraire, one would think. So this is her way of trying to make you back off a little, to where she's more mentally and physically comfortable. That or she's trying to articulate her insightful sensing that it's not about sex, meaning, what she's trying unsuccessfully to express is that she worries the *relationship* suddenly isn't doing enough to satisfy you.
Here's the killer, though: What on earth are you doing wanting to discuss it in depth with 'us' rather than her? Can you and she not sit down together and discuss things to this depth of honesty and realism? If not, how does that bode for a *marriage*?
Is this why you're finding yourself substituting verbal conversation with non-verbal, your libido lending you its services to suit?
Hope that helps as a springboard.
Sorry - typo. Should have read: dissatisfactory for *him*.