Confused about my life
So I have been dating a girl now for about a year. It is long distance, she is in Illinois, and I am in Florida. We see each other maybe 3 times a year for 3-5 days at a time. For almost as long as I have been dating her, I have become best friends with another girl here in Florida. She and I spent just about all our time together, and while I lied to myself and told myself I wasn't, I was quickly falling in love with this new girl. Anyway, I spent a summer away from my best friend, and saw my girlfriend I the meantime for a few days. While I was with her, I had a great time. My girlfriend and I got along great, and everything seemed to be fine. But as the summer drew on I realized just how much I missed my best friend. It was like part of me got left behind with her, and I couldn't feel complete until I was back with her. We were reunited a few weeks ago, and just recently I gave up and told her everything: how much I liked her, how much I missed her, how much I hated myself for being so confused. She was the first person I ever really opened up to like that. She told me she liked me a lot too, but obviously I have a girlfriend who can't just be ignored. I don't want to hurt my girlfriend. She's a great girl and her and I get along so well when we are actually together. But I find myself missing her less and less now that we are apart again. I really just need help. I need advice. I'm confused, I hate myself, I feel like I'm hurting innocent people. I'm not eating or sleeping. All I can think about is all this and the possible consequences. I need help.
I feel it's important to be very careful giving advice here because long-term, believe it or not, either relationship could lead to marriage and children - and I'd hate to be responsible for changing the "fate" of what's "supposed" to happen there. That's pretty earth-shattering stuff. But having said that - - I'll you what, *in my opinion,* is what will be the most-likely outcome for the thousands of guys also in your situation: You try to keep the long-distance, fading relationship while keeping the woman who's physically closer to you as a "backup" option; the backup perceives that that's what's happening and without you ever realizing she's doing it, pushes you out of her life permanently.
You have to weigh *very* carefully the cold hard fact that your girlfriend lives a long distance away, and what that relationship actually *is* - against the new relationship you are currently starting with this woman you connect well with and who lives physically close to you in order to help guarantee a more-realistic relationship. It's unfair to try to juggle both unless you're gonna decide to be a playa. But be careful because players usually end up getting played. And whether you realize it or not you ARE acting like a player. You're trying to juggle two women at the same time and representing each to the other as being "not that big a deal."