I'm not sure if I did the right thing
I am 16 and i recently had to file a restraining order on my 17 year old ex boyfriend. I broke it off the morning of 9-7-13 after being together for almost 6 months. We've been through a lot and many mistakes he made as I forgave him every time. We got in trouble with my mother about 3 weeks ago and had been on a strict hangout schedule. He was only allowed over twice a week and had to leave at 8:30 pm many times he stayed past it. The night before we broke up he called me 4 times and texted me 5 times within 15 minutes at 12 am to wake me up and go outside to talk to him. I was falling asleep and finally answered after the 5 call. After asking why plenty times and only getting "I can't tell you" I said I wasn't able to go outside and he couldn't be at my home. I finally went outside after he said he didn't care what happened to us if we got in trouble. I walk outside and he begins crying and saying his friends forget him every time they do drugs. As in leave him out of the rotation and leaving him scraps. I was shocked. Now keep in mind I'm thinking "I am risking our relationship so you can complain about your drug problem?" But I didn't say much to him I was letting him talk and get it off his chest. My grandpa opened the front door and saw us so he left and I went inside. My boyfriend decided to txt my mom and tell her what happened. I woke up that morning and my mom was telling me everything I knew she would. "You can't see him anymore, you broke the rules, and he better not come around anymore" I didn't protest because I knew what I done was bad and I was gonna accept the consequences. I broke down to my mother and explained to her that I've tried breaking it off plenty times but each time he's threatened suicide so I quickly change my mind. I explain to her why he came to talk to me and how I have been feeling the past few weeks about his and I relationship. My mom becomes understanding and tells me she will help me as much as she can make this decision. I text him and tell him we couldn't be together and to not text my mom anymore. He blows up my phone with texts and calls before I go to school and I don't answer until I tell him this was our consequence and we were over. I told him he has to fix his life (drug use) because it affects the way he treats me. Constant yelling and putting me down. I tell him were done once more and haven't said a word since. He texted my mom while at work as well as texting me through out school. He sent me mulitple Facebook messages and sending me things on twitter. My mother told him if he were to contact me anymore after 10:47 am we were filing a restraining order. He quit texting her but kept trying to talk to me. He called me multiple times from different numbers as well as txts. I ignore him because I am not allowed to speak to him however he was served the papers yet and didn't know. I wake up this morning 7-7-13 with more calls and txts and snapchats of cuts on his arms and chest. I immediately call my mom at work and tell her. She calls the sheriffs to get him help and they come to my house. Luckily my ex called me while the police was here and the police talked to him, got his location and was on his way to go to him. I was informed that if the cuts were there they would vapor-act him. I believe that's send him on suicide watch of some sort. I get a call and they took him to get the help he needed. I am extremely hurt but relieved at this situation. I'm relieved of the unhealthy relationship however I am hurt it all happened. I am going back and forth because I don't want him to think I hate him because I don't. I don't want him to think I'm doing this to hurt him. I want him to get help I want him to get better and I don't think he knows that. We have a court hearing on 7-13-13 to discuss if the injunction should be prolong or not. I am just so confused and I just don't know
this is in the children and young people topic because we are young and I need advice I feel like a wicked witch and I don't think I could take anyone saying negative things to me
he has a prob he needs help and u helped him,thats it u did what u could do and now his family should help him
You did well. You can not help him by being there. You are in the wrong position to do so. As a girlfriend or ex-girlfriend and younger you don't have the respect from him and/or clout to get him to listen and behave. Staying would allow him to use you as a crutch, and in the process you would have been broken.
And you should be mad. You don't have to hate him but you should be mad that he did not respect your Mother, you or the fact you would get in trouble.
think about what you would have done.
When you love someone i bet you would want them to be the best they can be and get the best they can have, even if that doesn't involve you being there.
You would also respect their family because they are the ones that shaped the person you loved.
The rules your Mother has in place are to protect you and he should have seen that and respected and honoured it
his action prove that he feels none of this.
He needed a shake up. he needs to learn to respect others (and then himself), and it won't happen if people give in to his manipulation.
And please don't ever go back to him. even if he changes and gets his stuff together he has set up a default pattern that is bad for both of you.
Everyone can change but it is time consuming and tiring, where as you could both be happy with other people.
In the end think of it like this:
If you had stayed and given in he would just get worse. By saying no and being firm (including the restraining order) you have said "No! it is not okay to treat anyone (not just you. ANYONE) that way!" and given him a chance to change and be a better person.
Whether he takes that chance is up to him. Your job is done here.
Look after yourself. You sound like a very mature and caring person.
(and from someone a little bit older -20s- that has seen and dealt with something similar, your mother sounds amazing, strict but amazing)
He has a lot of issues - you had to take care of yourself and remove yourself from him. Considering he has no respect for your mom's rules or the fact that you want to listen to your mom's rules, I understand why you would want to put out a restraining order. Add to the mix the fact that he is exhibiting suicidal behavior and doing drugs, and you just can't give him the benefit of the doubt as far as what he could do.
It's a lot to be going through, but I know you can make it. I think you tried the best you could to help him and love him, but he won't hear that beyond all the craziness and turmoil in his heart and mind. He will have to see that for himself later.
I understand being torn as well. It's natural that we care about other's welfare, even when they do awful things. I still care about my ex with addiction problems he has been trying to overcome. Remember this, however: as much as you might feel a pull to help him get out of his problem, you have to let someone like that prove they want to get better and that they want to seek help. Considering as well that you have a restraining order on him, reaching out to him is out of the question. You'll have to leave it to a simple prayer or positive energy sent his way in the hopes that he finds a way out of his problems and gets some help for himself. This alone might seem like it won't help (what do you believe in, the toot fairy??), but it's proven that sending a person 'good energy' can be beneficial to them as well as sending them 'bad energy.' Accept it is the most you will be able to do in this situation, it is the best that you can do, and make sure you take the time to heal from this. I wish you the very best <3
haa typo in the last post - the TOOTH fairy.
I also wanted to say as well, he tried to control you and manipulate your emotions, which might be why you feel a need to help him. He has tried to do everything to guilt you into feeling like you are supposed to save him from his own hell he's created. This is apparent to me because of the way he texted and called you way too much, along with the suicidal threats. That is definitely manipulative, emotionally abusive behavior.