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husband was a teenage father...mother shows up 10 yrs later

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Relationship advice My husband became a father as a teenager but the mother (his ex of a 1year relationship) put him through hell saying he was stalking her while she was pregnant and had him put in DH at one point. This seriously was all lies and was actually the other way around. Then she told him it wasn't his kid and named it after the boyfriend she was with when it was born. Then she came back months later(after we were dating) and said it was his and gave him ultimatums. He never denied the child, just didn't want anything to do with her and she disappeared with the child never to be heard from until 10years later. Randomly she got a hold of me on fb knowing he and I are married and knowing we have a kid...(who is the stalker?) And said that the kid is asking Q's and she thinks they should meet. Well my husband decided not to and reiterated that he caN find him at 18yrs with no connection to the mother. I have never been able to express my feelings to anyone And I feel this has always caused relationship issues. I was aware that the child was probably his and we never broke up, but 10years later I feel like I have been cheated in life and been burdened by his mistake. I feel like I have always had to hide my true self. My family does not know of the child and god.forbid they find out. I also can't help but feel sorry for the child and part of me wishes he would have said yeah, but the mother is someone neither of us feel we can trust at all and we have our own son and family to protect. Also, it would be very hard to explain things a 10 year old can't understand, especially with such I'll feelings towards the mother. I know it will never go away, but I don't know how to feel sometimes when I am dreaming of them and waking up.depressed. i keep telling myself it is not my decision (because I have always stayed out of it), but I can't help but feel involved. Do I just sit and wait for the next interaction ? I feel like I have so much that has not been closed.

husband was a teenage father...mother shows up 10 yrs later

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Hi Hoplesslover. This is such a sad story. First of all don't you think you should ask the mother for a DNA test. At this moment you and your husband have no idea if she is his daughter and that make it very difficult for both of you. First find out and then decide what to do about it. Remember it is not her fault that her mother chose this way to do things. She is still just a child who seems to me needs a stable parent. Then you and your family needs to seek help to learn to except if this is his daughter. I have a stepson and love him to bits. And I know if you know the truth and she is your stepdaughter you will also love her a lot. I hope this helps and you know what to do.

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