Lazy ego bruised hubby
In need of advice. I've been married almost 6 years now and though I love my husband dearly I sense our relationship is on a downward spiral. My husband has taken care of me and our kids since day one, he has done all the providing up til this past year. We fell into some extremely hard times and I have recently went back to work to help make ends meet. I do not mind working and taking care of bills here in there that is not even part of the issue, Alhumdulillah I make a decent living. My issue is with him and the way he is keeping the house on the days when he is home with the kids. Is it too much for me to expect to come home after a 8+ hour workday to a clean house and maybe a hot meal every so often? When I was staying at home he was in want of nothing. I recently asked him to at the very least clean up after himself or have the kitchen clean for me when I get home so I can just get to cooking dinner. He gets a huge attitude when I ask him to do the simplest things like he is not capable of doing anything to help me. I know a lot of this is his ego because he is not able to provide for us the way he has in the past but I've told him he can not take out his inadequacy issues on me.
I am growing to tired of it, he's always walking around with an attitude and when I get home from work he totally checks out not even helping with the kids while I cook and clean. I am totally fed up and have started to consider divorce. I love him dearly but since I am working and know I can adequately support myself and the children if we go our separate ways I am really considering doing just that. I know marriage is a struggle but I can not honestly recall the last time I was happy in this relationship and he doesn't seem willing after countless talks we've had to do the things necessary to make me happy. How do I do I deal with this?
Is there any health problems wrong with him as of why he can't work??
& if not then you should help him find a job.
& if he does then you should wait it out and see how it goes but you should be comforting him and not expecting more from him because you got into this marriage and you knew the obligations of it.
Please let me know if I have helped you or you need anything else. I wish you the best of luck(:
Is he depressed?
I have struggled a lot when I've been unable to work sometimes. I've held myself to unrealistic expectations that really just brought me down. Ask him if that's what's eating him up inside. Or maybe he really doesn't know well enough how to care for the house and cook. You could show him how to do things, maybe explain to him some of the ways you did things - he just might not even know where to start.
I think that if you are still very exhausted and he is not budging and doesn't want to take help concerning his depression or his problems in tackling housework and cooking meals, it could be a deeper problem he's not willing to resolve. You deserve to be happy, and marriage should be a lot more joy than a struggle. Struggles give a lot less merit than joys and triumphs to your marriage :]