I've liked the same girl for years, but I don't know what to do?
on Sep 20 2013 at 00:18
This problem may seem minor compared other things some teenagers may have to deal with, but for me it's a huge deal. I am really socially awkward and can hardly talk to people in groups or who I don't know. I'm always thinking about what other people think of me. I do have a small group of friends at school which I can talk to really well, but other than that, I can't start any conversations with anyone. My main point is, I really like this girl, and I have liked her for the past 4 - 5 years. But I just don't know what to do about it, I think about her a lot and wonder if she will ever like me or if I'm even good enough for her. I see her at school and she is in one of my classes, but I don't know how I can start talking to her. We've only had a couple brief conversations since I've known her, but they were pretty much only school related. She does post 'Happy Birthday' to my Facebook wall on my birthdays, so she does know who I am. I've been struggling with this for ages and it worries me so much, because I really like her. I've posted on the internet before about this, but the only responses I get are things such as "Be more confident", "Just start a conversation or say Hi", "Don't think so low of yourself". These things are easy enough to say, but it's like telling someone with no legs to just go ahead and walk. It's easier said than actually done. Part of the issue is also finding an opportunity to actually talk to her, I never seem to be able to find a moment to do it. So I need help.. please.. I have got no other idea about what to do and I constantly think about this issue.
on Sep 20 2013 at 13:56
Hey, if it's a huge deal to you then it's a huge deal!
Is it possible that you like this girl because she is outside your circle? Do you have girl friends? How do you feel about them? I know I sometimes get crushes that are on people I don't know that go away when I get to know them.
Sometimes the unreal is a bit more fascinating than the real, you know?
Staring conversations with people is crazy hard, though. And I say this as someone who is generally seen as outgoing! (For me it goes the other way. I'm not shy, but if I start conversations people find me intimidating).
I try to start chats over food. When people are eating, they tend to be less shy. Maybe you could somehow get her to eat with your circle? Maybe someone in your group knows one of her friends and you could just do a group thing? Like on the weekend, at a food court or something?
on Sep 21 2013 at 01:49
I don't really have any friends that are girls, in fact I barely talk to any girls, although, I'd like to be able to. I've known the girl I like for a while now, she seems really nice and I'd like to be able to talk her and get to know her.
As for trying to get her to join my 'circle', I'm almost certain that is a bad idea and probably won't work. I would classify myself as kind of 'responsible and mature'. In my 'circle', I have two main friend which are similar to me. However, they have friends which make inappropriate jokes and are always making stupid sexual references about EVERYTHING. Inviting her to the 'circle' with them would probably be a bad idea...
Besides, I haven't really talked to her at all yet so inviting her to meet for coffee or something would be a bit sudden or strange as she hardly knows me. I need to try and start talking to her but I don't know how to or where to start. I really want to but I can't find an opportunity to.
on Sep 21 2013 at 16:57
I agree that this would be a bad idea. I was picturing more of a "group" and I thought maybe someone in your group would know hers or something. Just meeting up alone would be weird.
You're right that she might associate the inappropriate stuff they say with you, though.
Do you have any classes with this girl? Or maybe some after-school activity? Working on a project together might be a way to get things started.
I know I'm more willing to get to know someone if I work with them on something than if they just randomly say "hi."
If all else fails, why not respond next time she gives you a "happy birthday" on Facebook?
I guess the best advice is to just remember that this girl is just a person with likes and dislikes and insecurities, just like you. If you did talk to her, there's always that chance that she's as nervous as you.
on Sep 22 2013 at 06:13
She is only in a couple of my classes, we don't sit near each other either which makes it even harder. This means I can't really find an open opportunity to talk to her, and even if I do, I'm still extremely nervous and would struggle to figure out what to say.
on Sep 22 2013 at 20:51
Yeah, the struggle of what to say happens to us all. I talk to most people, but I still find breaking the ice to the hardest part.
Still, you could always take a shot at commenting on the class after it's over. Something as simple as, "oh man, this homework, huh?"
I know that'd take some major courage, but think of how great it'd feel. I mean, at this point, you're not asking her out, just trying to talk to her.
And hey, if all goes well, you could do homework dates!
on Sep 22 2013 at 21:50
Hi, I have anxiety problems and liked a girl for ages too. I started talking to her a little bit on facebook because i found it easier to do. I also invited her to a party or two so we became friends. One time I asked her to hang at my house and we got drunk (alcohol is the best solution to anxiety) and I just blurted out that i liked her. Turns out she had anxiety too and had liked me the whole time and now we're going out
Alcohol is the solution! or just slowly build up your relationship. It takes 1 second of bravery to blurt out the fact you like her! Good luck