My boyfriend and I are both in our early 20's and have been together four years. When he was a toddler, he was molested by his mother's boyfriend at the time and had to be adopted out to his aunt, who is not actually a blood relative. His grandmother had his real mom and adopted the mom he lives with now. So he was adopted out to his his aunt and uncle, who were total strangers, and who already had three children, who were all older than him. Within a year of being there, two of his three older siblings molested him, one male, one female. Both sibling are now around 30. He never told anybody until recently, he told his adopted mom and she basically brushed it off. I can't handle knowing this, though and every time I think of how he was adopted out because of molestation and then have it happen immediately again, it makes me sick. At the time, his siblings were only about 10 and 12...were they too young at the time to be held accountable now? Should they be confronted? They couldn't have forgotten what they did, right? I feel like there's been such an injustice because on top of all of that, his family has played favorites and treated him like the blak sheep ever since he was adopted. His three older siblings got their college paid for in full and all received vehicles from their parents. However, let's just call my boyfriend Todd...however, Todd hasn't received anything but a nasty drug addiction from his mother who was on oxycodone. When he was in middle school he began stealing her medication and it continued for years and she never did anything about it until after she stopped taking the medication, and Todd being an addict at this point had to resort to other means to get high. His parents have always been very hands off with him. They call their other kids every single day and take them out to dinner but seem like they aren't at all interested in Todd or helping him continue life as an adult. They have essentially trapped him in their home to serve as a buffer for their failing marriage. They have been marriage for about thirty years and now things are falling apart and they are violent with each other almost everyday. They won't let Todd leave to try and find a job and the couple of times he has gotten one, they always seem to stop wanting to take him to it after a couple of weeks so he never has a chance to save up for a vehicle. It's like they need him to stay in their house as long as possible so they don't kill each other. I just want to help him b/c he's so broken at this point. I want to understand why his family would have done all of this? What would possess his siblings to do to him what they did? They must remember because they won't speak to him today. It makes me sick to think that he has to be in their presence for family gatherings and such and everyone just act like they didn't hurt him like they did. Am I overreacting? I don't know.
I feel like you should be worried because he is toe boyfriend and you want to try and help him, but I'm sorry. You can't. It's all on him to make things better. The only thing you can do is suggest things to him. But you should also make sure that he feels like you're his get away from all of that. & what you need to do is just be there for him whenever he needs to talk and comfort him, this is not your job or place to try and fix this between his family