He wants kids, I cant have them
Ok, I am having a really hard time. My boyfriend of almost 3 years has just dropped a bombsell on me. Just when I thought that we were going to start talking about marriage and stuff, he told me that he was struggling with the fact that I can't have kids. That he is not sure if he wants to adopt or go the sarrogacy route anymore (if the desire for kids did arrise) and that he isn'r sure how important it is that he has his own bioogical kids. We did have this conversation when we first started dating and he thought about it and that as long as I was ok with adoption, he didnt have a problem. Well, he now is struggling with it (and I completely understand and am supportive). In the meantime, he still considers us together and says that he loves me and that is the reason this is so hard. He is being super distant, acting weird and not affectionate...has been this way for 2 months. My heart is breaking and not sure how to take this whole thing. (FYI...I have a 15 year old son who adores my boyfriend and they have a great relationship) any possible outside insight/support would be great
I think this is something normal that everyone who doesn't have kids goes through at some point in their life.
I don't have kids myself, but I wanted to say that I have two adopted sisters and one biological. There's really no difference between us (other than the usual differences among sisters, obviously).
In fact, people tend to tell my older sister that she looks like my mom more than I do!
(And my younger adopted sister gets the same, but with Dad!).
They've picked up the mannerisms, I guess.
Anyway, I just wanted to mention this on the off chance that he's worried about forming a bond. If you're there for your child, biology doesn't matter all that much.
I super appreciate you responding! He really has just clammed up and gotten distant. He never mentioned what the hang up is but everyone around him his starting families and obviously we cant...unless we go the adoption route...
I think there's a lot of social pressure that discourages parents from adopting.
I always get really upset when I see this or that TV show going on about how this person is finding their "real parents."
Well, no. That's not how it works in real life.
My sisters only have one set of parents. Their biological mother surfaced in their life later (she's still part of the community), but they don't consider her their mother.
Some people just have a knee-jerk reaction to not wanting to adopt, because on some level they're raised to think that an adopted child isn't "theirs." They feel like they have to "carry on their genes" or whatever.
But anyone from a halfway-functional family with adopted kids in it knows that love goes beyond blood.