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I am a horrible person

Posted by
on Oct 8 2013 at 02:57
Member since: 08 October 2013
Relationship advice Two years ago I did a thing no one should probably ever do. I decided to date a person I only liked as a friend, and what's even worse - I decided to pretend as if I feel the same way he does. Before we started dating, I was desperately trying to make friends with him. Apparently, I really lack friendship skills, because I led him and everyone who knew us to believe I'm in love and think of him as of my star-crossed lover, or something like that. To make things worse, no other girl ever behaved like that around him and he never dated anyone, and he was 25 at the moment. So when he told me he is very happy to finally find the girl that truly loves him back, and all of his friends (i.e. our common friends) think we would be such a cute couple and so on, it broke my heart because I really cared for him deeply and I couldn't even imagine turning him down. I have no idea what the hell I was thinking then, I really don't, but I did the worst thing I possibly could do - to avoid hurting him (nice try!) I decided to try to fit myself into the role of his loving and caring girlfriend. And that was (I mean, still is) the first long-term relationship in my life. It backfired horribly on both of us. At first I did everything a perfect girlfriend should do in my opinion, which included saying a bunch of things I didn't really mean just to boost his confidence, because he was very insecure. But time went on and on, and we got into a vicious circle of me growing more and more cold and distant, and him becoming more and more attached and insecure, and, as a consequence, more and more controlling. In the middle of it all I tried to break up with him and remain friends, but it didn't work, because when I told him I love him as a friend, but I'm not attracted to him romantically, he basically answered "I don't care, I love you and want us to be together as couple, so I don't care what kind of love do you have for me, anything will do and you shouldn't leave me". The breaking point occured 6 monthes ago, when he got jealous because I was talking about another friend highly and decided to forbid me to talk to that person. We got into a fight over her and things got really ugly, he brought up my most sensitive topic and told me things that in my opinion no one should ever say to anyone, let alone the person they love, and admitted he hurt me on purpose, "to make me listen to him". I just broke down terribly, I was sitting on the ground crying out loud in the middle of the crowded street, I felt betrayed and brokenhearted and didn't care enough to listen to his reasoning about why he did it to me. We were reconciled on the very next day, because he swore to me he will never treat me this way, I forgave him and ever since that day he was going out of his way to make me happy. But now I just treat him like any other friend and I can't bring myself to show him any special affection. I realise it didn't happen overnight after that one horrible fight, my "loving girlfriend" mask was gradually slipping for a long time. But now I put myself in his shoes and I think about the way I hurt him, when he was witnessing me growing cold and distant for no apparent reason. It makes me feel really bad. Right now he says he's happy with our relationship the way it is and doesn't want to break up, and I can't say I'm totally happy, but I'm pretty content as well, and I certainly don't want to get into a relationship with anyone else in the next couple of years (if ever). Therefore, I have no idea what to do and how to make up for what I did, aside from saying "I'm a bad girlfriend, you'll be better off without me" and leaving. I really care about him, I love him as a friend and I want him to always be in my life, because he's like my family. What do I do?
I am a horrible person
Reply from
on Oct 8 2013 at 04:18
Member since: 25 September 2013
anyone can sense someone who fakes or is really in love,he too knows it he might have been in denial,though u should never try this prank on anyone speaking the truth is the best thing,he deserves the truth and you must stop living this lie,good luck
I am a horrible person
Reply from
on Mar 22 2016 at 19:30
Member since: 22 March 2016
Oh dear...

Try to think back...what were your reasons (originally) for trying to love him like that "perfect girlfriend"? Was it because he was such a great guy, and you had a good connection, that you thought "i SHOULD love him" or something on that level?

You sound like you might be asexual or aromantic...just a thought. Have you ever entertained that idea or really looked at your own sexuality or whatever?

Either way, the answer is the honest without any anger or frustration and go your separate ways.

This thread has expired, but why not create your own?