Could this be a deal breaker?
I've been exclusively dating bf for about a year now. We've known each other for many years in fact we used to go to school together. Things are going good and I am very happy to have him in my life. I came out of a pretty bad relationship before I got together with him. I am now in a better place and able to open up again. With that said, I know guys don't care about your past relationships and hearing about your ex bfs.. But I feel to understand my insecurities and to understand my rationale on certain things it should be fair for me to bring it up. But he gets really upset and thinks I am not over my ex. But in fact I am.. Have been but not to say I have not been scarred from it. I was in a controlling relationship as well physically and mentally abusive.. He doesnt care to know about my past.. He says he loves me but it seems as though he refuses to accept that part of my life.. Also, he generally doesn't seem to ever be interested in the things that involve aspects of me.. Such as my friends, he says they are weird and bland and won't do group events. Doesn't ask about my family I would tell him my plans etc.. He says he doesn't care.. I get upset and hurt because of his reaction and lack of interest. For example.. Things that go on in his life. I ask how a family member is doing. What their plans are and hope they have fun.. But I don't receive that same kinda of interest. We've talked about this.. And his "I don't care" responses are getting to me.. To me it feels very negative but he disagrees.. He says he feels neutral and doesn't mean it in a good or bad way. And that I can't make him feel or text in anyway.. Which I agree. But I cannot help but feel put off about it..any insights. Am I just being "annoying and making it about myself"
Thank you for your openness and honesty!
Guys do care about past relationships. They don't mind hearing about them, as long as they don't feel like they're being compared to them. If he does something wrong, or something you don't like do you bring up stories about your ex? If so, he'll automatically feel as though you are comparing him to your ex.
Perhaps he is naturally detached. Yes, I know it sounds strange but, there are men and women that are like that out there. Plus, your relationship is still kinda new. From your time together you have deemed him uninterested and detached. He may feel like you worry too much or that your clingy. He may need his on space to create and think and it may have nothing to do with you.
What are your insecurities exactly? Is it a fear that he'll yell at you, or will hit you? That may also be a problem for him because he may not know how to respond to you with out you getting fearful of him or you thinking he'll get violent against you.
Maybe you should give him a dose of what he's giving you. He probably likes your attention- but doesn't feel as comfortable giving it. And, why not keep him and your friends separate? You'll want time away from him and people to stress and vent to!
How old are the both of you? He might be all about himself and his friends if he's young and all that serious relationship stuff is for when your over thirty. If you guys are older- do not waste your time with someone who won't show you any signs of commitment. Good luck to you both!
Maybe it would be better if you find the proper setting in which to have him communicate better. Go somewhere where you can walk hand in hand a have a light conversation. Do not speak in a confrontational manner and he will probably open up more. He may have issues that he has not shared. Be supportive. Let him know that you need his help to overcome the issues you dealt with before. Do not mention names just actions. Compliment him on the fact that his treatment of you is far better. Good luck!