Confused and unease feeling :(
hi, I'm a student and sad to say that I stopped my schooling for 2 years.In the past two years ago, I have a group of friends wherein we enjoyed our company every time.Aside for that, I had a hidden crush on someone which is the same sex with me so we called it "x". Until it come to the point that me and my friends had a deeper conversation, like, were talking about that she had a real relationship to the same sex and the other friend expressed that she also had a crush to our classmate named "x", which is a bisexual also. Before the deep conversation begun, I got a strange feeling that our conversation will lead to this because of how they act (boyish type).So this is the start, Every time we had a deep conversation I felt scared and having a hard time to expressed my feeling because I'm not open with the reality.I got so confused to the point that I expressed my feelings to "x" ,I told her that I love her and etc.I know my friends think of me that I'm weird and they told me that I'm confused and not a lesbian.I continue to act weird like sending SMS to them and etc. The worst part is I admitted to a psychiatrist,told me that I have a mental hormonal imbalance and until now I'm still taking my supplements.Now,every time I think of them, I'm having hard time to reach out because I so shy. Also when I'm thinking going back to school, I'm so depressed.
Your focus has to be on you right now! Your future is with completing school and starting a career. Having a career is empowerment and independence. it will give you confidence and help with your shyness. You have plenty of time to find yourself and understand your sexuality. As for the crush, if it is meant to be then you will not have to pursue it. It will take its natural course. In due time, you WILL find your true love.
Best of Luck!
Thanks for you advise,I really appreciate it.
What level of schooling did you stop? If it's college, then you can just go back. If high-school, well, you can still work at it.
I'm replying because I've been there too and, although I'm sort of confident in my sexuality these days, I just wanted to say that sexuality isn't something you ARE, it's something you do.
It's just so much easier to stay sane that way.
My point of reference on this is that I'm a girl who likes girls fairly exclusively (as far as I know-I accept that there could be guys out there to knock off my socks too), but I don't call myself a lesbian because it's not political for me. It's just what I like.
It sounds like maybe you're struggling with the definition. Definitions are just things for other people to call you. Don't waste your time getting swamped with them.
Let yourself love who you love. If you don't, things will get weird and you'll drive yourself crazy.
Trust me on that!