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End of a 13 year relationship

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I was with my now ex partner for 13 years he was my first love from the age of 16 and we have two children together, in 13 years he has cheated on me 4 times the 4th was the final straw for me and we have been separate for 3 months now and in my heart I now know for certain its not worth trying to save there is no love left for me I have cut off emotionally from him. I have been through so many ups and downs so far anger hate tears, I been drinking every other weekend to hide my pain and just because I can, I never had a social life with him and cut myself off from the world I lost all my friends and only really have 2 friends now that I can count on and when I went out ive kissed someone else well a couple who I was so drunk I don't really remember them at all!, I don't know how to act around men and my confidence is zero I was a heavy girl at 18 stone but ive lost 3 stone in 3 months so I am feeling better about myself but at the same time I look in the mirror and wonder who would want me! my problem is that I feel so down all the time he has moved on and has someone new and I just feel broken, people say it takes time but for 13 years ive had someone to love and care for and now its gone I just cant adjust and im making really bad decisions, I just don't know how to sort my head out or even figure out how to carry on... I try and look at the positives but I feel so alone all the time, I just don't know what to do anymore

End of a 13 year relationship

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Hi Nancy, Oh i feel for you. I was exactly where you are now, not that long ago myself. For me it was 21 years of marriage though. Yes as wifes and mums we women do tend to loose ourselves into those roles. Now that you are on your own, you feel like you have lost part of yourself, your wife self. Well the wife part was and is not what makes you who you are Nancy. For me, the path of relearning who i am is ongoing, and it has been two years, but i have found a new partner, a much better one for that matter and am embarking on a new career journey too. You can do it too. Firstly, what is it that makes your beat faster? what do you enjoy, yes you, not your children, not your family, not your friends, YOU - find your foundation, you can not rebuild your life without having a foundation first. Remember, it is completely normal what you are going through, despite the reasons for the separation you are griefing for that loss and it is a real grief, i know what it is like, a great big rollercoaster that you wish would stop. The highs and lows will even them selves out eventually, believe me they do. Just believe that the road ahead is a good one. You have rid yourself of a burden, embrace that, let the joy of being free from a partner who didnt treat you well take hold. Look for new hobbies or take up an old one, something for you, as above not for anyone else. As for a new relationship - that will come too, when you are ready for it. You are doing awesome, remember that. Hopefully i have made sense and you find what i have had to say helpful. happy to chat if you need it too, just let me know, as i found talking to impartial people so beneficial to my healing process. go well and keep smiling :-)

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